Author Topic: 42's Therapy Thread  (Read 24419 times)

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #240 on: March 26, 2004, 12:06:33 AM »
well. that's... refreshing....

go ahead an explain. I'm really hoping it has soemthing to do with plural marriage. You know, marry one for money, one for love, one for beauty, etc.

Eagle Prince

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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #241 on: March 26, 2004, 12:36:57 AM »
Ah, no on plural marriage.  There are some things to marriage that I am not willing to compromise about.  For example, I would never get a divorce just because we didn't get along or even if my wife cheated on me.  If I get married, I plan on it being forever.  I would also never be a polygamist.  Or lets say my brother died, I would be more than happy to support his wife but I would never marry her or sleep with her.

Anyway, I'd have no problem dating an overweight girl or even a girl from a very poor family (in fact I've done both).  I would actually be much more interested in personality or brains than looks.  What I'm in fact most interested in would be a wife who wants to be a tradional wife, you know like being at home raising kids and fixing dinner and that type of stuff.  But even among mormans that is becoming a very rare thing, and I don't really believe in some list of "requirements" a wife should have.  But I have to have some I guess, and money seems like the most practical.  I could get along with anyone willing to try, and they'd have to be to marry me in the first place.

What irks me the most is girls who complain about not being able to find a boyfriend/husband because of "blah blah blah" or whatever lame excuse they come up with.  There's just so much more to it then any one reason, and there are plenty of men who would go out with said girls despite those reasons.  This general comes down to something more along the lines that most of these women try to play coy and think men are supposed to just catch on, like they can read minds or something.  This kind of goes back to the whole "looks" thing.  I can judge someone's looks just by seeing them, I can't judge their personality without actually knowing them.  If there are several girls I am considering asking out on a date, and none of them have shown any interest, who do you think I am going to ask first?  Now if one of those girls actually seemed interested, well I would ask her out before one of the others even if they were more pretty.

So basically, if I have to go out hunting more or less, personally I am going to hunt for money since you can judge it as quickly as looks and it gives you so many more options.  Just think of all the extra free time it would give you to enjoy life, including time with your spouse.  And when you are only looking for money, you have no expectations so anything else is just bonus!  ;D
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #242 on: March 26, 2004, 12:49:43 AM »
well, the bit about being interested is a great comment. I can't believe we haven't brought that out yet.

But uh... it's easier to be happy with someone your compatible with. Money is a really poor connector even for people who are primarily interested in it. Why would you make it harder on yourself to keep those goals you have about staying together?

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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #243 on: March 26, 2004, 12:53:11 AM »
Quote
What irks me the most is girls who complain about not being able to find a boyfriend/husband because of "blah blah blah" or whatever lame excuse they come up with.


I just wanted to state for the record I wasn't implying anyone on the board, the biggest reason being that this is the "rants" board and thus doesn't count IMO.  Its a place where you can vent.  This would be more in reference to some times this has happened to me.  For example, there was this one girl in high school that later ranted to my friend that I wouldn't ask her out.  The thing was, I barely had ever even saw this girl, and the only reason I knew who my friend was even talking about is he mentioned this just after we had saw her one day.  Like I'm going to ask someone out I've never even talked to.  I didn't even have any classes in school with her.
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #244 on: March 26, 2004, 12:55:25 AM »
Quote
well, the bit about being interested is a great comment. I can't believe we haven't brought that out yet.

But uh... it's easier to be happy with someone your compatible with. Money is a really poor connector even for people who are primarily interested in it. Why would you make it harder on yourself to keep those goals you have about staying together?



My point is it wouldn't be any harder to find someone I loved who was rich than it would be to find someone I loved who was "pretty and friendly", or "cool and smart", or "wanted a traditional family".
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #245 on: March 26, 2004, 12:56:21 AM »
well, be careful with that. Even though it's the "rants" forum, I think you'll find most people think "it counts." Especially this thread.

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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #246 on: March 26, 2004, 12:57:56 AM »
Quote
My point is it wouldn't be any harder to find someone I loved who was rich than it would be to find someone I loved who was "pretty and friendly", or "cool and smart", or "wanted a traditional family".

AH, well, that makes sense. I thought you were saying that money was a good criterion for judging a person's worth as a mate. this explanation eases my mind about that.

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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #247 on: March 26, 2004, 12:59:43 AM »
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well, be careful with that. Even though it's the "rants" forum, I think you'll find most people think "it counts." Especially this thread.


I realised that and thus my second post clarifying.
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #248 on: March 26, 2004, 09:00:36 AM »
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What I'm in fact most interested in would be a wife who wants to be a tradional wife, you know like being at home raising kids and fixing dinner and that type of stuff.  But even among mormons that is becoming a very rare thing, and I don't really believe in some list of "requirements" a wife should have.  


Being at home raising kids: sure, that's great. A goal I have for myself.

Fixing dinner: sure, most of the time, but I think that we've come far enough as a culture to be able to recognize that the household things can be split in non-traditional ways as it fits an individual family. If the guy is better at cooking dinner, let him cook dinner. I have a cousin who cooks for his family every other night (his wife is a stay-at-home mom). I personally am so GLAD that the expectation is becoming a rare thing. Just because it's traditional doesn't mean it's good.

I'm not saying the wife should go out and get a job; I'm just saying that whether she's home all day or not, the wife can't do everything around the house, but maybe her talents lie more along the lines of fixing the plumbing than cooking. So she's the one who fixes things around the house, and the husband cooks, in such a situation. I think we've finally come to a point where each individual family can make those sorts of decisions for themselves and not feel as if they have to fit some mold, and I love that.
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #249 on: March 26, 2004, 09:16:37 AM »
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I was bracing for rants on my 'akin to pedophilia' comment.


That dosen't bother me as much as the age problem you get a BYU sometimes.  I have this one acuatence that is marrying a guy that's 30, and she's 21.  That's a 9 year difference! I actualy went on a blind date with said girl's roomate a little while ago who happens to be 5 years and 3 days younger then me.  Nice girl, but the age difference is too much for me and I cannot bring my self to go out with her again for that reason, among a few others.
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #250 on: March 26, 2004, 09:22:02 AM »
That was a bigger deal when I was say, 18 than it would be now. The age difference, imo, becomes less significant as you get older. Now, if peple can ONLY date people that much younger than them, that's a freaky thing.

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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #251 on: March 26, 2004, 10:35:46 AM »
9 years is pretty big, but my friend Sam is getting married in April and her intented is 9 years older that she is.  Yeah it's a little weird but they're good together.

And my husband is 5 years and 5 days older than me.  It's only weird when I talk about things that happened in 1994 or 1995 - I was in 7th or 8th grade, and he was a senior in high school. But we didn't know each other then, so it's not a problem.

So for some of us it's not an issue, but as you've proved, for some people it's a huge drawback.

And I really really have to say that in a lot of cases, it helps to marry a girl who's younger than you are, because women tend to act more mature then men do at comperable ages.  So though my husband's got 5 years on me, emotionally we're about the same age.  Most of the time.
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #252 on: March 26, 2004, 10:44:58 AM »
I could go about 3 years younger or older, anything beyond that I just feel creapy about it.  
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #253 on: March 26, 2004, 10:49:23 AM »
I'd say that's true in your early 20s, but once you get to your late 20s/early 30s, anything goes. Everybody's the same age around here, no matter if you're 25 or 35. My recent "relationship," if you can call it that, was 4 years younger than me. But he's very quiet and mature (and some would even say a fuddy-duddy in some ways), so he matched me. Someone who is the same age as he is (25) and acts much differently wouldn't work as well for me. Neither would a 29-year-old or a 36-year-old who acted like an 18-year-old (and there are plenty of those around too).
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Re: 42's Therapy Thread
« Reply #254 on: March 26, 2004, 10:53:08 AM »
what are you saying about me?