Another Guli, so soon? Is it wrong that I want to see more Anaiah next week? (Not really complaining, just curious as to what she's been up to.)
Thoughts while reading:
You know, it strikes me how little I see "mommy" and "daddy" used in a fantasy setting.
“I would . . . .” he paused. “Bake her a cake. Then she'll be my friend and won't try to hurt my other friends. We could share the name.”
A perfect solution. Everyone loves cake!
Ahh! Superfluous apostrophes! "Talven Del'Nosa'Gosa"?
I like the mention of telling him stories to help him sleep in the sunlight. It helps to solidify that despite night not falling until all three suns have set, people do still sleep in regular intervals.
Finished
Yes! More plot progression! This was a very strong chapter, I thought, providing not only further advancement in the overall story but finally an explanation, of sorts, for Guli's stupidity. You may notice my 'Thoughts while reading' kind of stopped halfway through the chapter; this was entirely because I became engrossed in what I was reading and forgot I was making notes at the same time.
Talven's appearance came as a bit of a surprise, as did the way he referenced the events of the first Jin chapter. This, of course, raises questions that demand answers, a sure way to keep me reading. As mentioned in one of the previous Jin threads (I think, can't remember off-hand) hooks, hooks, HOOKS! And this chapter had plenty.
(While on the subject of Talven, I have t ask about the apostrophes. Do they mean anything? Like "Talven Del'Nosa'Gosa" meaning 'Talven Del son of Nosa son of Gosa'? I ask because a common fantasy cliche/complaint is the use of seemingly superfluous apostrophes - of which I am occasionally guilty. It's fine with a characters here or there, but having too many, and two in one name alone, it mean they would have to mean something.)
I thought you did very well at scaling back the major shifts in Guli's personality. I don't know if this is because he's been threatened or if it's a conscious decision on your part, but either way it make shim much more likable. I found him consistent throughout the chapter. His intelligent thoughts seemed toned down, and flowed well into the more childish aspects of his personality. The 'I would bake her a cake' line had me burst out laughing, too. Although it did throw me out of the story a bit. I didn't know aborigine tribes had cake...
Overall, I would have to say well done. I felt a strong connection to the overall story with this chapter. You kept me interested throughout the chapter, and seeded plenty of hooks to keep me going and make me want more. The latter is something previous chapters have been lacking a bit in, so when you begin revising and rewriting, it might be something to keep in mind.
Looking forward to the next one! *crosses his fingers and hopes for Anaiah*