These Stupid Titles V

[Chimera]

I think they're too scary, even for JP.

[Master Gopher]

I have yet to meet anything too scary for JP.
Actually, he did mention a thread the other night that was scaring him, so I take it back
More gratuitous level-upping.

[Chimera]

Well, regarding my current title, I have to say I'm glad I got my fleas back. They went away for a little while and I was getting lonely.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I'm *still* an 86. When one of you sees EUOL, have him fix that, will you?

[Chimera]

I will try to remember to mention it. However, I have a notoriously bad memory, so if I forget I apologize. When I have something really important to ask him and I'm afraid I will forget I usually send him an email. He always reads his email and then we can discuss it later. So, if you haven't, I'd send him a gentle reminder by email.

[stacer]

I'm so bad at remembering things I want to talk about later. I end up having to interrupt conversations or email people (depending on their proximity) if I really want to talk about it. Which usually leaves me with a blank mind when I do want to talk to someone. So I've been storing up in my mind several things these last couple of days, repeating the subjects to myself, so that I'll remember them the next time. It's so dumb, but the proof is that Saturday night, I could only think of one thing to ask Ryan about, then retreated back to my corner, because I'd forgotten all the other things about Revenge of the Sith I'd wanted to discuss with him.

[Chimera]

Yea, that's me. If it is a serious subject, I have to practice conversations over and over again in my head, mostly to help me remember what I want to say and partly to give myself a pep talk. And, like I said, sometimes the moment I am thinking of it I will call or email the person because I just*know* I will forget later. I have done this several times with EUOL. He understands because he can be forgetful too. The best, though, is when one of us asks the other to remind us of something. Invariably the other gives the one a look and says, "You're asking ME to remember?"

I commented to MsFish that if EUOL and I ever did get married, we'd probably forget and leave our children at the grocery store enough times they'd be traumatized.  

[stacer]

"When we're old, you'll have to remind me to put my teeth in. I'll just be walking around, smacking my gums..."

"I'll wait."

"You'll wait? Why?"

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

ok, well, why don't you talk about what comes up?

[Chimera]

ok, well, why don't you talk about what comes up?

Huh? I'm not sure what you mean? Do you mean just let the conversation happen naturally?

I do that too. But sometimes there are things that I need to remember. For example, I needed to discuss with EUOL whether he was going to my family's cabin over Fourth of July weekend, and whether we could ride up together or if I needed to carpool with my family. My mom kept asking me about it, and I kept forgetting to ask EUOL, so I wrote notes and things to remind me, and finally I remembered to ask. Those are the times that I have to remind myself to remember.

I feel kind of like Neville Longbottom with his remembral. It lights up when there's something he needs to remember, but he can't remember what he has forgotten. My *mind* is a remembral at times. Pretty lights but no recall. J/k  

[stacer]

I freeze. Lately, I mean. Before, when it was just normal friends, no problems. But now that we've been on a couple dates, I freeze. Don't ask me why. I guess the main thing is I don't know how to act. I've had too many bad experiences, I guess, in which I thought I was on the same page as the guy but turned out to be wayyyy wrong.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Chimera, oh, yeah. I'm like that with bills or chores. I usually have something to talk about though.

[Chimera]

Yea, that's me. If it is a serious subject, I have to practice conversations over and over again in my head, mostly to help me remember what I want to say and partly to give myself a pep talk.

I guess I should clarify more. There are times that I do this, like if there is something in the relationship that I feel we need to discuss, and I don't want to plunge into it or get overly caught up in how I am feeling and not listen to the other person. Communication is very important, and how you approach it often determines whether the conversation is beneficial to both or just deteriorates into accusations and a sobfest.

In my opinion, it goes back to how girls and guys think and communicate differently. I have found that often I am thinking about the relationship, and EUOL is content to just hang out. One time after we had just had a serious discussion and it was silent for a few minutes, I asked EUOL what he was thinking about. He said, "You really shouldn't ask me that," and then said he was thinking about the brand of DVD player my roommates had and how it was the same brand he and Spriggan had bought for their mom. Then he said, "You're probably still thinking about us. I'm thinking about the DVD player." And that was true.

Which only reinforces my belief that I need to think about what I say in a DTR ahead of time. If I'm going to keep EUOL's mind on us and not on DVD players during a conversation, I want to have my positions well-thought-out ahead of time. Also, If I don't think it out ahead of time, sometimes I'm not sure if my concern is valid. I need to process it and convince myself that yes in fact such and such need is not being met, and it would only hurt the relationship if I did not bring it up. And even then I have to keep reassuring myself of this, because I'm a big chicken at times when it comes to confrontation.

This doesn't make me dislike EUOL, it just makes me evaluate the best way to communicate so we both get what we want. Women and men think, feel, and communicate differently, and it takes work and some strategy to come to the point where you are both on the same page.

[Entsuropi]

You make relationships sound like a grand game of manipulating the other person into thinking what you want.

I thought that was reserved until marriage?

[Chimera]

If that's how it came across, then I failed.  :-/

I don't think relationships are about manipulating each other, but about learning to understand each other. I was discussing communication strategies, which I think improve every relationship--with family, with friends, and with significant others. And dating is practice for marriage--it is important to start early on to communicate effectively with each other.