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Reading Excuses / February 21, 2011 – Hubay, Lord Domestic Chapter 6 (LSV)
« on: February 21, 2011, 04:55:02 PM »
Here's chapter six. not much to say except it's a bit longer and mostly action. tear it apart!

Hubay – Lord Domestic Chapter6 (L, S, V)
3900 words

Prefect Gaitu has died of a strange disease, Arilu has taken over, and Jhuz is still coming to terms with his identity as Standard.

Chapter 6:
Jhuz, Zaisha, and Ezlio try to capture a nothroi harpy, we see Zaisha's mejj in action and lexio makes a brief appearance.

Reading Excuses / February 7, 2011 – Hubay, Lord Domestic Chapter 5 (LSV)
« on: February 08, 2011, 12:55:01 AM »
I might have gone a little overboard with some of the exposition in this chapter, but I tried to even it out with dialogue. Let me know what you think.

Hubay – Lord Domestic Ch 5 (L,S,V)
3000ish words

After an attack on their incampment by the Nothroi, Jhuz has finally decided to fight – but discovers Gaitu has died from his injuries.

Ch5: We see the aftermath of the attack, how mejj take care of their dead, and hear a bit about Standards and why the Emperor won't let them fight

Reading Excuses / January 24 – Hubay, Lord Domestic Ch4
« on: January 25, 2011, 12:12:51 AM »
Here you go, sorry for the wait. I'm pretty pleased with this chapter overall, but I have two things I was hoping to get feedback on – is the description of the Medusi clear? And I resolve the first main character crisis with Jhuz in this chapter, and I was wondering if anyone thinks I should have drawn it out a little longer. Anyways:

Hubay – Lord Domestic Ch. 4 (L,V, S – if you know Latin) 3900 words

Summary – after a heavy defeat to a barbarian army, the Imperial Legion is on the run in forest. They have made camp on the edge of a river, and the Standard Jhuz is still feeling guilty over his 'cowardice' in the first battle.

Ch 4 – a messenger from Matisu brings ill-timed news, the barbarians attack again, and we meet our first barbarian.

Reading Excuses / January 10 – Hubay – Lord Domestic Ch3
« on: January 10, 2011, 05:49:21 PM »
Lord Domestic – Chapter 3 – 3000 words (L,V)

Ch 1 – Jhuz, the eagle-mejj Standard of the Imperial Legion, is forbidden to fight because of his station. instead, he's forced to watch as his army is slaughtered by invading barbarians and the supernatural Chell.

Ch 2 – Jhuz interacts with other officers, and is called to a council of war.

Ch 3 – We meet the Jackal, see rations cut, and Jhuz works as a human target for Zaisha.

Reading Excuses / December 27, 2010. Hubay – Lord Domestic, Ch 2
« on: December 27, 2010, 08:33:10 PM »
Here you go – someone made a comment about swearing in my last chapter, and while I think its likely that group of soldiers would be swearing at least once a sentence, I decided it might feel better to use non-modern swear words. So I did some haphazard research and came up with some pseudo-latin profanity. Let me know what you think.

Lord Domestic, Ch 2 – 3000 words, L, V

Ch1 summary:
Jhuz, the human Standard of the imperial legion, watches as the army engages with a barbarian enemy. in the middle of the battle, the supernatural Chell attack, and the legion is routed. Jhuz's commander, Prefect Gaitu, is wounded in an attack by the harpylike flyers from the barbarian enemy.

we see the affects on morale in the camp the night after the battle. A council of war is called, and Ezlio has some words with Jhuz.

Reading Excuses / December 20, 2010. Hubay – Lord Domestic Chapter 1
« on: December 20, 2010, 08:53:43 PM »
Hey everyone, happy the forum's back up. As I said before, I'm taking a break from the book I had been submitting, to put in my nano-book while it's fresh in my mind. I'm also submitting it in doc and docx so everyone can read it.

I don't know if this is kosher, but I thought I would put in a brief explanation of the magic in my book; i tease it out over the first three chapters, but I figured if I tell you all now it will minimize confusion. Everyone in  my world has a familiar. Men are faunimejj, and take animals, and women are florimejj with plants. There are four ways a mejj takes power from a familiar. Commejj can speak to that kind of plant or animal, Dommejj can command them. Manimejj can alter the physiology of that type of animal or plant, usually to heal it. Potemejj, generall the most "magical" of the four, can draw a sort of power that reflects their familiar's nature – a bird-mejj could fly, an aloe-mejj can heal others. Ommejj can use all four powers. They're fairly rare and tend to be in the upper echelons of society.

Anyways I don't have a title yet, but for the sake of reference you can call my book "Lord Domestic"

Chapter 1 – 3600 word. L, V

We meet our protagonist, Jhuz, the eagle-mejj Standard of the Imperial Legion. The Legion is about to engage with a barbarian army who fight with bizarre flying mejj. Jhuz himself would make an excellent warrior in the Airborne, but as the Standard he is forbidden to fight.

If I was to sum my book up in one go, I would describe it as a magical Fall of Rome, but there's more to it than that. Enjoy, and don't hold back the criticism.

Reading Excuses / NaNoWriMo
« on: October 05, 2010, 01:39:50 AM »
I know I'm a month early, but who's all thinking of doing NaNoWriMo? I was wondering if you guys normally do anything for that in terms of a writing group. If nothing else, I wouldn't mind teaming up with a few people to keep each other on track and maybe critique our work. I like the setup we have here, but I figure the ~3000 word-a-week setup isn't fast enough to really work for november.


Reading Excuses / October 4, Hubay, Fathers of Gods – Chapter 5
« on: October 04, 2010, 09:15:42 PM »
All right, here's the last POV, Aela. I know a couple of you guys mentioned that I'm putting in too many characters, and I'm hoping that this won't push it over the edge. A lot happens in this chapter, and it's a little bit longer than my normal ones. Rip her to shreds.

Fathers of Gods, chapter five - Aela (L, V, S)

Last chapter ended with cumo fighting a squad of Daltri soldier.

Here, Aela starts her training as an elemental and trys to essent. We get a glimpse of the Little City, and the first Polaesi funeral.

Books / WWII Fantasy
« on: October 04, 2010, 12:03:58 AM »
I'm trying to write a short story set during WWII and I realized that I don't have a lot of knowledge about the time period – or rather, I know my history but I don't know the everyday bits and pieces that would make the setting believable. So I'm wondering if there are any good WWII fantasy books out there that might help.

To narrow it down – and I hope I'm not being too specific– I don't want anything too epic in scope, I'm more interested in a foot soldier than a general. If at all possible, I'm wondering if there's anything analogous to Naomi Novik's Temeraire series. Or, in terms of the sort of scope magic is given throughout the world, Orson Scott Card's Alvin Maker books.

For that matter, I probably wouldn't mind a few non-fantasy WWII books as well; I'm sure there's quite a bit more of those  out there.

Reading Excuses / September 20 – Hubay – Fathers of Gods, Chapter 4
« on: September 20, 2010, 09:07:55 PM »
Back to Cumo; sorry if you want to hear more from dyp. I haven't had as much time to write, what with class and all, so I don't think this chapter sounds as polished as the last two. We finally get to see some action, though, which is sort of a new thing for me. Let me know how it sounds:

Fathers of Gods Chapter 4 (Cumo/Listener) 3100 words (V, S, L - a bit more of L than before)

Recap – In order to discover his god-power, or shri, Cumo was forced sleep with his best friend's lover, Aela. Aela manifested as a flamedaughter, and can control fire, while Cumo can instantly heal wounds. Other Polaesi include Metu Titan, a man with divine strength and resilience, Simeon Listener, a machievellian mindreader, and Imlur Commander, the king of Polaesi whose orders are obeyed without thought.

Summary – Cumo gets fitted for some clothes, jumps off a couple cliffs, and Daltri spies are spotted outside Shipolitae.

So although the current sticky explaining the cosmere does a good job, I thought it might be nice to write one with a basic explanation at the beginning, and to write it so that new readers can find out what's going on without ruining any of Brandon's books they haven't read. If you're new to his books or even this forum, or just confused by some of the concepts the more hard-core fans are talking about,  you might want to quick read this before you dip in to anything else.

First and foremost:

Yes, most of Brandon's books –Mistborn, Elantris, Warbreaker, and Way of Kings, but NOT Alcatraz and obviously not WoT – take place in the same universe. It's called the Cosmere. No, this doesn't affect how you read the books.

Think of it as more of an "easter egg." That's how this began for fans – a couple of readers noticed a reoccurring character named Hoid. In Mistborn, Elantris, and Warbreaker he never got more than a very brief role, but in Way of Kings, well ... I said this is spoiler free so I'll just say that the Stormlight Archive appears to be a little obviously intertwined in the overarching story of the Cosmere.  However, Brandon has specifically said in an interview that the Archive isn't the overarching story. He said there's another series where he wants to write that.

There are a couple key points to be said here, but  most of them are explained better in longer, more in-depth threads on this forum. If you see a title with the words "Shards" or "Hoid" it's probably one of them.

You see, the idea behind the Cosmere involves a magical/divine artifact/god thing called Adonalsium, which was shattered into sixteen shards. These shards provide the energy necessary to create life on different planets, as well as a source of magic. The magic in Warbreaker, Elantris, Mistborn, and Stormlight is all a product of the shards, sometimes from a single shard and sometimes from the interaction between multiple shards.

Additionally, every shard is controlled by a god-like consciousness that used to belong to a mortal. Each shard has a sort of ... pathology to it that eventually turns the mind of the shardholder until it matches the shard's will. Some might be considered "bad", while others are arguably "good." Some fans believe Hoid might be a shardholder whose power allows him to jump between worlds. It also appears that one shardholder is attacking others.

I'm not as steeped in this as some of you guys are, and I know some what I said is probably still speculation, so let me know if I got something wrong.

Reading Excuses / September 7 – Hubay – Fathers of Gods, Chapter 3
« on: September 07, 2010, 09:05:56 PM »
Chapter 3, ready to be torn to pieces. It's a new POV and setting, so let me know what you think of the character. Drug smuggling factors in to his storyline, but I'm not sure how lucrative of a business that was for the time period this is set in, so I'm hoping it doesn't come across as too much of an anachronism.

Fathers of Gods Chapter 3 (Dyp Herald) 3000 words (L, V, S, D - the works)

No real recap since it's a new storyline, but if you don't remember Listener is a Polaesi that can hear minds.

Dyp Herald has been exiled from shipolitae for unknown reasons, and is fighting to survive as a drug smuggler in the Temnic city of Casigu.

Reading Excuses / August 23, Hubay, Fathers of God – Chapter 2
« on: August 23, 2010, 10:57:21 PM »
Alright, alright, I'm a bit late but I did promise I'd get this in. Please please please don't point at laugh at me silk. I don't think I could bear it.

I forgot to put in a content rating on the email, but for this chapter it's (S, V)

Fathers of Gods, Chapter 2 (listener) 3000 words

In order to discover his god-power, or shri, Cumo was forced sleep with his best friend's lover, Aela. Aela manifested as a flamedaughter, and can control fire, while Cumo can instantly heal wounds – or at least, he can heal burns and minor flesh wounds.

This chapter is told half by Simeon Listener, a machiavellian Polaesi who can hear thoughts, and half from Cumo again. Some introduction of other gods, more exploration of Cumo's shri, and a hint at life within Shipolitae.

As per a suggestion by Flo (It was flo, right?) I ditched the metal skirt. Cumo and Aela are both wearing ceremonial robes now. They were stashed in the metal box so they never got burnt.

Chapter 1 of 'Fathers of Gods.' Before the main chapter there's a short introduction – about 600 words – from the character Feeder. I've gotten mixed reviews/advice on his voice so I'm looking forward to hear what you all think.

Father's of Gods, Chapter 1 and Feeder Intro

2650 words.

Overall summary

Every year less than a hundred Polaesi are born, and when they turn eighteen they can bend reality to their will and are worshiped as gods – but when they turn nineteen they die. Now one Polaesi has broken the cycle and can live past his appointed time. While attempting to survive a budding war with a rival religion, he must also fight against jealousy and ambition within his own sect.

Chapter summary.

Cumo, now eighteen, has just a awakened to godhood but hasn't manifested a shri yet. The only sure way to force it out of him is sex or torture, so he's been assigned to sleep with Aela, a girl with a similar problem – who also happens to be his best friend's lover.

I'm hoping to get a chapter out every other week so feel free to digitally slap me into action if I don't.

p.s. lethalfalcon, my email was acting funky the other night, so I'm not sure if you ever got my reply, but the new edits worked fine. Thanks!

Writing Group / I need bad supernatural YA - really, i do.
« on: August 02, 2010, 11:46:33 PM »
I've had an idea for a short story, about a kid who thinks he's fighting evil in highschool, and believes his classmates are secretly vampires, witches etc.. but is in fact just crazy and murdering everyone in his class. I'll add a disclaimer that this is exactly what
I thought I Am Not a Serial Killer was about when I first heard of it. I'm happy it wasn't, but now that I have the idea I want to write the story myself.

I'm not sure if it's been done before – let me know if it has – but I'm really hoping to nail the voice that those kinds of novels would use; that is, the kind of story my killer imagines himself to be in. Not having read much YA for a while now, and certainly not bad YA, I was wondering if anyone could recommend a story or two that I can model after – and no twilight. That's one voice I'll never want to model.


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