Thanks for the suggestions and feedback here guys
This chapter has usually gone over better with my readers so it's good to see that some of you liked it better.
Hubay - Thanks for the suggestions on how to make the carnage a bit more impacting on Albione. I really liked some the ideas you mentioned and hope to do something along those lines when I come back to this one.
Concerning the temple/militia rivalry, I was hoping Albione and Ronar's conversation on page 1 and 2 of the chapter 1 would kind of show the tension between them. Ronar points out that the militia soldiers are keeping their distance and Albione mentions his distaste with having to fight alongside them tonight. But, maybe that's not enough.
Concerning Rook-Sha, she is from another continent, which is why her name is different
Her backstory isn't necessary to this book, but I could eventually slip something in later on to mention she's not originally from Elueria.
Sky - Thanks for the feedback about why the reader should care about Albione's choices at this point. Chapter 4 actually starts with a conversation between Albione and his superior. There the temple's take on this is spelled out. Hopefully that will clarify. I originally had more of this in the first chapter, but it got labled as an infodump, so I just kept the essentials. After I send chapter 4, maybe you can give me your feedback on whether that fits well or I need more in the beginning of the story?
Oh, and primarily everyone is staring at Albione because the most powerful man in 100 miles just spoke to him and said some things that hinted Albione did something for him. Ferris is the villain to every noble family in the city. To be giving thanks to a member of nobility is a serious shocker for them. Heck, just seeing him in person is a bit crazy.
Akoebel - I really appreciate your comments on Albione's stop when he sees the body. One of my crit partners mentioned this to me when I first wrote it and I'm toying with the idea of having him show some internal dialogue when he sees the body instead of actually stopping.
As for finding the sanctuary a little too easily. Anyone can find that. The High Priestess took the secret route to get there quicker and cut the night elves off, not because it's a secret room. I need to do a better job of explaining that somehow.
Concerning the magic system, Rook-Sha is one of a select few who are given power by Alazon to create a portal. Only one other group are taught the chant to produce this. It could be used in battle, but there's a reason that wouldn't work well
I can tell you, but it spoils a major storyline. So depends on whether you want to know or not heh.
As far as the cost for using magic, Albione explains that in the chapter. "Healing always tired the recipient, but continued healing also exhausted the one ministering it." That's from page 10. I can't go into more detail because Albione doesn't know why this is the case. In fact, only a select few in the world know this answer and they guard the reasons heavily by order of the Gods. This is part of where I've struggled with how to describe the magic. I can do better showing it, but I'm hesitant to give details on the how or why because they people don't really understand it. They are just taught to use a certain chant, combined with a certain holy item and it will produce certain effects. The Gods haven't been more forthcoming than that for their own reasons.
I'll leave any comments on Albione's fears or shame until after chapter 4. If it doesn't makes sense after that, then I'll need to rework something. Or might need to rework it earlier anyway heh - I don't want someone putting it down because they don't see a reason why they should care.
Awesome feedback as always - Thank you so much!!!
Will777r