I love the way you explore the idea of a vampire family. Its great.
Besides, you never let me date anyone for long. You’ve never liked anybody. Always driving them away with your threats to kill them.
Great line!!
made even greater by the follow-up:
“But Uncle Rupert?” daddy asked.
“What’s done is done,” I said.
“But the cost? Did you even think ab—?” he asked.
No...not
Uncle Rupert!!!! Ahhh!! It gets slightly less funny when we find out that actually there is a reason to avoid Uncle Rupert, but still.
I was a little bit skeptical of the scene of father-daughter bonding. It didn't quite seem real or motivated.
Oh yeah. Also, why does Miranda care so much about Jason? I thought she really disliked him and the situation he had put her in.
I wasn't all that interested in the rune-drawing scene, but I felt I was supposed to be.
There is a long paragraph as they get into the limo where it seems kinda like, "he did this, then she did that, then they got into the limo, blah blah blah."
You might need to take another look at some of the dialogue.
Miranda starts to explain a bit to her father about why she cares so much about Jason, but I'm not really sure whether she actually loves him or if she just doesn't want to die by not fulfilling the price of the wish.
Very nice description of the Atrium. Very cool. Are we supposed to know/remember what the Atrium is though? I'm afraid I don't
The ending conversation about "the family business" is very intriguing. That's not something we're supposed to know too, are we?
I think you did a good job of giving the father more of a "stern leader mode" while he was explaining what was going on. I'm interested in Miranda's story.