The Wedding

[Necroben]

I saw the man with the strange headdress spin, almost toppling it in the process, and exit the room.  I needed to get back to the chapel, but getting out unseen might be asking a little too much.  In my line of work this kind of situation was not unknown.  I often had to get-about, if not unseen then unnoticed, to complete my objectives.

Such was the order passed down from the Circle of Elders.

Stealth no longer an option, I walked confidently to the woman in Chorus Robes and said,

"Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I seem to have lost my way."

I tried to moderate my deep voice--if it gets to deep people remember you--but I could not quite keep it from being sibilant.

"Could you by chance tell me how to get back to the chapel Ma’am?"

[little wilson]

Could you by chance tell me how to get back to the chapel, Ma'am?" I heard a deep voice beside me ask. I was moderately surprised that I didn't notice the man approach me, but I knew what had caused the distraction. I was still trying to contain my laughter from it--that blasted headdress.

A faint smoky smell wafted up to my nose, and I coughed lightly. I looked at the man and said, "The door the priest just went through will take you back." I paused, remembering where the door led. "On second thought, don't go that way. It opens onto the stage." I pointed to the door leading to the dressing rooms. "That door goes to a hall. At the end of it, there's a door on the left. That will take you to the back of the chapel."

[Necroben]

I nodded my thanks almost before she was done, and nearly began walking in the wrong direction.  Impatience can lead to folly as my teacher used to say.  I gave the woman my best "sheepish" smile and an embarrassed shrug; I then followed the pro-offered directions.

Well I tried.  I forgot which way I was supposed to go as I realized that the paneling was not made of wood, but bacon!  In the past I'm sure I would have noticed it sooner, but it's been centuries since I've had a sense of smell.

After my initial shock wore off, I realized I had completely forgotten the directions I had been given.  I began trying doors at random; going from hallways to passages, closets to lavatories--women's, thankfully it had been unoccupied at the time--I searched for a way out of these labyrinthine corridors.

This church was definitely bigger on the inside than it appeared.

[firstRainbowRose]

I introduced myself (the short version.  I had decided for such an event it was simply easier.  Too many questions would be asked otherwise.  Questions that I couldn't really answer without getting in trouble.)  "Who might you be?"  I asked, sitting down next to him.  There were very few other people around, and from here I would be able to see anyone else that came in.

As I sat I watched what I could only assume was the priest or whatever this religon called their clergy walk across the stage.  He had a very... intresting hat on.  Hm.  I wonder what type of clothing the rest of the people have to wear I thought, smiling at the outlandish images that came to my head

[Karl]

LATE! LATE! Frickin' LATE!! I hope this battery is charged. These last minute ordeals! Never, I said, never would I video another friend's wedding again! How many times? How many times have I said that!?! I hate videotaping weddings! Hate them! GRRRRR!!! Where's the new tape?!? God, I hope it's in the bottom of my bag. Why are these people lurking at the back of this stupid church? "Outta my way, people!" What did I just step in? Felt greasy, like -- oh, yeah! Bacon grease! My tie is choking me and it's so hot in here. I should've been paid in advance. Stupid. Why did that mother-in-law have to be such a b--- "Excuse me!" Who decided to put the chorus right where I want to set up my tripod? Stupid! Stupid mother of a-- "@%$&!!" I bet I left the mic cable in the car!! Uh-oh, probably shouldn't have said that so close to the chorus. Poseurs! Caterwalling like PMS-ing hyenas!  "DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Rutting brat fingered up my lens! Oh, and I don't have a hankie... is there anything clean I could use in this place? Anything clean in this place? HA! I'd like to see what a rabbi thinks of this! I'm moving over by the organ. Organs. Lungs for bellow? Man, they used every part of the pig but the oink! What's dripping on me? EW! Who hung hog casings from the chandelier? That's it! I'm leaving. Screw these people. Friends or not, screw them! It's not worth the pittance I charged them! Bugger the lot! "Outta my way, people!"

*As he stepped onto the nicely polished marble front steps with his greased shoe, he could be heard descending rapidly to the clattering accompaniment of camera gear.*

[Silk]

(Okay, okay, I'm posting. Sorry. I know I was egging people on because I thought it was hilarious, but expect my posts to be intermittent at best until the end of November.  Have rather a lot on my plate right now. I am still reading this, though. Or at least skimming it.)

There was no way I was wearing those heels.

The dress was bad enough.  At least I'd had fair warning. "To get used to the idea", I'd been told, but I'd changed plans slightly. I had my own shoes, still dress shoes, but flats. They were the same colour. Nobody would even notice - it was a fricking wedding. People would have better things to do than stare at my feet.

Bacon was everywhere. It almost reminded me of someone. I wandered the hallways, at last found the room I was looking for.

I knocked once, stuck my head in. "You almost done getting prettied up in there? It's sure taking you long enough."

[Eerongal]

"well, It's certainly a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Rose." I remarked with a smile.

Adjusting a bit, to give her plenty of room for seating, I shifted my weight a bit towards her, so she knows I'm still paying attention.

"My name is Eerongal, my friends call me Eero. Naturally, you may refer to me as the latter, unless you decide to prove yourself otherwise," I explained to her with a joking smile touching my lips.

Now,  I thought, time to make it appear I know what I'm talking about, so as not stir suspicion.

"You wouldn't happen to bring me news of why we're running so late, would you? I haven't even seen the bride of groom shuffling around anywhere, though I could have missed them, as I seemed to have been paying more attention to the bacony good book only moments ago."

This should at least provide an air that seems like I should be here, I hoped. After all, this is only my first chance encounter after wandering in this wondrous hall of smokey goodness

[Hayley]

I looked up at the sound of the knock on the door, and waved Raethe in as she asked her question. A small smile fell on my face, but faded again quickly. "Those aren't the shoes I left you..." I half-whispered. Okay, Raethe had said all along that she didn't want to wear the heels. But they went so well with the dress... it would be a shame to see them put to waste like this.

Oh well.

Glancing in the mirror, I pulled at one of the curls in my hair, held in place by various clips and the tiara. "I think so.." My voice sounded strange in the room. It was the first time I had spoken in a long time. Turning back around, my eyes closed for a second. "Do you think it's the right thing? I mean.. it's all happened so quick..."

Inside, I knew it was the right thing. It had to be. Always a believer in love at first sight, and bacon bringing love together in holy baconmony. But, there were always those fleeting second thoughts. Always.

Shaking my head to try and get those thoughts to go, I ran my gloved hands down the dress and nodded once. "Okay. I'm ready..." Stepping towards the door, I looked back for just a moment. This would be the last room I would depart as an unmarried woman.

[AvalonDreamer]

As I finished confessing, I thought of all of the terrible things I'd done in the past few hours: the bacon allowed to spoil, the multitude of pants that sat in my closet yet unworn. Striking myself one final time with an especially leathery strip of pork, I muttered a small prayer to The-Great-Hand-Who-Shall-Reign-Down-Bacony-Judgement, and promptly felt better as I forgave myself my sins.

Cracking the door, I peered at the clock on the wall of the chapel, and saw that virtually no time had passed since I entered my confessional. Lamenting that I was so short about my revelation, I could feel his Lordship urging me to my holy duty; I checked my headdress, put on the feather-laden skull mask that I'd set aside in the room earlier, and stepped out into the chapel.

I made my way to a massive candelabra filled with purple and black candles made of rendered pork-fat, the monstrosity towering behind the altar, it's branches growing up at a split so they wreathed the image of His Greatness, and began to light the candles with my ceremonial barbecue lighter.

"Oh great Fellfrosch, he who gave unto us the sacred texts of Baconals and The Lord of the Lunatics, do bless us, your church, this day as we prepare for this most momentous occasion. Bless that your Chorus of Evil Laughter may do as we could please, bless that your finger-foods provide nourishment and not be undercooked or too rotted, and bless that this divine raiment not cause any more problems..."

As I turned around, I heard a candle fall, and felt a distinct warm feeling on the back of my head. Fell blast it...

[little wilson]

My evil laughter mixed well with the laughter of the others in the chapel. No one noticed when we filed out about 10 minutes ago (although I couldn't be completely sure of the time, since the bacon clock in the chapel was made by the same engineer). No one noticed as we lined up in our formation. Everyone noticed when we began laughing. Some people abruptly stopped conversations to stare. Others, standing uncertainly in the aisles, backed away slowly, realizing that maybe they didn't want to sit so close to the front. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing being able to witness the shock so prominent on their faces.

I saw an orange flame in my peripheral vision and my gaze moved over, wondering what on earth was on fire. Ah, the priest was lighting the candelabra. He stood with his back to the congregation for a few moments after all the candles were lit. I could only assume he was praying to the Divine Fell, whose picture the man seemed to be staring at intently....Well, he would be staring at it intently, if his head wasn't bowed in respect....He turned to face the congregation.

I started to turn as well, and then motion behind the priest caught my eye again. A candle. Falling. My eyes widened as it hit the headdress. My evil laughter turned suddenly into peals of delight as the feathered thing lit up in flames. It was a glorious sight.

[maxonennis]

Bacon; not my thing, but I wish them the best.

[sortitus]

I crashed through the thin bacon window atop the church, shards of delicious paper-thin meat falling with me as I plummeted earthward. The rope zipped hotly through my hand as I fell. As I neared the floor, I slowed my descent with my heels. To my surprise, there were people already gathered in the room. So my dramatic entrance was not wasted! Excellent.

I stopped two feet off the ground and dropped to the floor, giving enough time for the surprised occupants of the room to look up after the shower of bacon. I straightened my coat and removed my hat and gloves, tucking them under my left arm as I looked around the room. It seemed that most of the guest were here already. Nothing like punctual friends, I thought. Extremely drunk accountants excluded, of course. Of course. Nobody in their right mind would attend a wedding that wasn't their own, and I wasn't even sure about that condition.

[firstRainbowRose]

"Well, it appears the groom has finally arrived," I replied, placing a hand over my heart to feel how fastly it was beating.

"Which means that we should be able to start soon."  At least, that's what I meant to say.  However, I got about half way through when I saw something that I knew would be very bad.  A candle, falling from the alter.  Flame in a place made of this much fat?  There is no way this will end well..  I considered breaking the rules, but decided it wasn't worth losing all of my freedom.  Well, I hope that someone else will be able to stop this.

[Necroben]

I must be pretty far down by now.  The air has become damp and the walls slimy--though that could because it's made of bacon--and no one seems to be around, none of the rooms appear to be in use; no, not for quite some time.

At the end of a long corridor, the passage dead-ends at a door of solid Bacon, now that was some pig.  When I opened the door, it revealed a long stair-case winding it's way up out of sight, a very long way up.  I took a deep breath and began my ascent.

[Karl]

"GHANPHENPTPT"

It was the Germans. It had to be the Germans...

Why does my head hurt so, and why is it so bright? My eyes aren't even open!

"GHANPHENPTPT" I repeated.

It didn't start with the rouladen. It was before that...

I hope that dampness on the back of my head is pig grease, and not blood.

"What happened?" I said in slow motion. Sounded more like what I said before.

After The Great War we stopped calling them Frankfurters. Hot dogs. What kind of name is that?

My back is killing me. Oh... I'm laying on my tripod...

"Turn that &*%$ light off!!" I may have said.

Hot dogs. Tube steaks. They plump when you cook'em because of the lung tissue.

I think that is broken glass under my palm. Is that video tape wrapped around my fingers?!

"Do I smell burning grease?" I'm pretty sure I heard myself say.

Just grind up animals and shove them back into their own intestines... YUM!

I think I'll just stay here with this marble step for a pillow. It hurts to move.