Advice

[42]

Dear SE,

My boss must die.

Sincerely,
X

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Mr. Oswald,

I do hope you're not self-employed.

-Dr. SÉ

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

Dear Dr. SE,

I recently joined a website, upon doing so I was immediately punished for leaving my knowledge of another member out of a certain document that contains all of my secrets. They came to my house and forced me into a corner, my nose facing the wall. I have been like this since and it is getting rather hard to remain consciously coherent, as I have been unable to eat. I am also forced to keep my knees locked and have fainted on my feet sixty three times in the last four hours, every time I do this I am whipped. So my question: how may I end this torment, and why am I still alive when I haven't eaten or drunk anything for a week and a day?

Sincerely,
   Delirious and nine tenths dead from pain with several large gashes given to me by a whip

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Jello Salad:

Stop your whining. In my day we had to walk up hill both ways and hand crank the generator before we even got to the forum. Then we considered it a privelege if we got to sit in the corner. If we even *had* a corner. There was a shortage due to the war. If we were whipped we said, "thank you sir/madam" and considered ourselves blessed that someone thought enough of us to whip us.

You kids these days with your l33t sp34k and your cable modems. In my day we had to send our bytes by carrier pigeon and wait for a response!

But seriously, you haven't gone through even 5% of what most go through. Ask Archon. He'll set you straight. TWG is in most important respects like a fraternity, without the under-age drinking and date rape. WHich pretty much means it's a bunch of guys sitting round wasting their life and hazing the newcomers. Also, pretending they know anything about Greece because they can identify the letters for Alpha, Omega, and Pi.

-Dr. SÉ

[Chimera]

Dear SE,

My roommate has a boyfriend who never seems to go away. I don't want to be a "mom" but it's annoying when I have a hot cocoa craving at 1:30 in the morning and I step out of my room to stumble upon my roommate and a boy making out. Now he's her boyfriend and always around. And tonight, when I got home at 1 and was walking down the hall he stepped out of her room and almost ran into me.

I don't want to be the "holier-than-thou" roommate, and since I'm moving soon I probably won't say anything anyway. But it really annoys me. I have always liked and respected the curfew not only because you sign an agreement but also because it keeps small apartments feeling more like a home--a safe and controlled environment where you can go for refuge. And it isn't fun to be constantly surprised by strange men in your own home.

Should I start setting bear traps to discourage him?

Sincerely,
Cocoa-less Night Owl

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Nightwing,

Look, ever since you stopped being Robin you've been trying not to be Batman. I know you didn't ask about this, but I know Bruce Wayne. And you, sir, are no Bruce Wayne. You can stop trying to be UNlike him, because even if you tried TO BE like him, you'd fail.

As for your actually question, how could you possibly get this far without even taking the first step of laying bear traps? This should be done before the boyfriend ever comes over for the first time.

If that doesn't work, try shooting your roommate.

-Dr. SÉ

[Oldie Black Witch]

Dear SE,

Billable hours are the most evil thing ever created by capitalism.

Sincerely,

Nott Alawyer

[Mr_Pleasington]

Arise....awaken!

Gotta love thread necromancy.  

[Entsuropi]

Dear Dr SE.

I find your thread distressingly vulgar and non-civilised. I require your advice on how to stop you giving your advice to me on the subject of stopping giving advice.

Yours confusedly, Entepo.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear SE,

Billable hours are the most evil thing ever created by capitalism.

Sincerely,

Nott Alawyer

Answering this question will require you to be billed in 15 minute increments. I've got to make 200 counselling hours a month.

-Dr. SÉ

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Arise....awaken!

Gotta love thread necromancy.  

Dear Zombie:

I've no idea what you're talking about. Maybe you read it wrong and need an eye exam.

-Dr. SÉ

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Dr SE.

I find your thread distressingly vulgar and non-civilised. I require your advice on how to stop you giving your advice to me on the subject of stopping giving advice.

Yours confusedly, Entepo.

Dear Contradictionary:

I'm on to you.

-Dr. SÉ

[Mr_Pleasington]

Dear Zombie:

I've no idea what you're talking about. Maybe you read it wrong and need an eye exam.

-Dr. SÉ

Zombies don't say that.

Zombies say things like "Grrrrrarararara" and "Braaaains"

That was obviously a necromancer talking.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Liar:

That's what THEY want you to think

-Dr. SÉ

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

Dear EUOL,

My chair squeak. Fix it.