Advice

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Vasca De Gama, coma esta? Joo Carnie! Zinterclaus vas ist das? Nein guetentaug. Meine Augen sind sehr schlecht. Entschuldigen weithin die Ente fressen dur hund.

Dear Vasca de Gamarauder:

Yes.

-Dr. SÉ

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

11. The right to full control over the licensing of our creative property.

Dear Dr. SE,

I am now very self-concious about the size of my rear.

-Insulted

Dear Spinal Tap:

Please phrase your questions in the form of a question.

-Dr. SÉ

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Dr. SE,

My husband has been spending the last month remodeling the house, and there is still much to do. He wants me to help him, but I'd rather spend my precious free time writing. Should I do what he asks, or embrace my selfish desires?

-Pining for the keyboard

Dear Selfish:

Why is this even a question?
Women should be barefoot and pregnant, and making their husbands a nice snack for his breaks.

-Dr. SÉ

Oh yeah, there's one that will get me in trouble.

[Nessa]

That's what I get for asking a man, and a married one at that.  

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I don't know why you didn't expect that answer.

[Nessa]

I guess I was hoping you'd be more creative.

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

Dear Dr. SE,

I have a fiend who has been behaving badly. It has taken to devouring peoples souls much to earlier on in my relationship with them for me to know if I really want that to happen. Is this because he is jealous? he seemed to really not like my dog, not only did he devoure it's soul, but it ate it's remains. How may I end this madness?

From,
    Das Bekümmernd Die Schnappschildkröte

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I guess I was hoping you'd be more creative.

ouch.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Dr. SE,

I have a fiend who has been behaving badly. It has taken to devouring peoples souls much to earlier on in my relationship with them for me to know if I really want that to happen. Is this because he is jealous? he seemed to really not like my dog, not only did he devoure it's soul, but it ate it's remains. How may I end this madness?

From,
    Das Bekümmernd Die Schnappschildkröte

Der Das:

I'm still trying to parse that out. Eating Souls is bad? I would think he was doing you a favor.

However, if you want to stop him, you can always just sprinkle the soul with cayenne pepper. That worked with my dog and hte newspaper.

-Dr. SÉ

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

Dear Dr. SE,

You are a fraud.

Sincerely,
X

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear X-rated:

How good of you to notice. Should we start calling you Sherlock now? Your capacity for stating the obvious is beyond the comprehension of mere invertibrates. You've almost reached the level of "4 Year Old Retarded Child." Keep practicing and you'll get there.

-Dr. SÉ


PS. I want to draw everyone's attention to the first post in this thread for anyone who really did miss the fact that I don't give serious counsel.

[The Jade Knight]

Dr. Dr. SÉ,

My fiancée is Canadian.

Sincerely,
Not Canadian

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Dear Wannabe Canadian:

Look, it's ok, you can admit to it. There are lots of people into pervy stuff like that. Just because it makes you a sick freak in the eyes of the rest of us doesn't mean you can't be proud of your sick desires. It's ok to wish you were Canadian.

-Dr. SÉ

[The Jade Knight]

You mean I shouldn't be proud, or I should?  You said that it doesn't mean that I can be proud.

[Faster Master St. Pastor]

Dear Dr. SE,

You are a lazy slob who does not respond to an insult. Or a question. Ha!

Sincerely,
X