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Eric James Stone:

--- Quote ---the majority of them won't go for a guy right off, she has to get to know him first.
--- End quote ---

So, is that an argument in favor of the guy using the "sniper approach"?

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
....

See, I don't get this. Every girl I was friends with on a more than passing acquaintance basis before I started dating them.... it ended badly.

Every girl I went on dates with before I got to know her as friends I had a long term relationship with.

Just my personal experience. As a successfully married man, I have to recommend the start the relationship with dating.

I've heard, FAR too many times, girls talk about the guys they know, "They're like a brother, I could never date them." It's what I hear constantly. I think it's the nature of all people to be comfortable with anything that's established, including the nature of your relationship. thus, when the move from friend to boyfriend starts to happen, it makes you girls freak out, even though you say that's what you prefer.

I think (remember, I'm speaking as someone who *isn't* inside your brain) that what you really mean is that you don't want to be picked up in a club and start a whirlwind romance wherein you're married 2 months later. What you want is a relationship that starts with clear possible endings, but that needs time to develop before you decide it goes there.

my 2 bits. I'm sure this is another post that will generate hatred for me.

Brenna:
That's really interesting, SE, because I've had the opposite experience--bad experiences from dating right away, good from being friends first. Chris and I were very much friends first.

Really, everybody else realized that we were both interested in each other way before we did. And May 1st will be our 4th anniversary, so it's gone very well so far for us. :)

So as a successfully married woman :P, I'd say that successful relationships can start in many different ways, so I really couldn't recommend one way over another--I think it depends upon the personalities of the people involved more than anything else.

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
see! I knew I'd get it.

I think my real point is that I see a lot of girls who make excuses for writing off potential relationships. Stupid excuses. "He's not tall enough." I can understand not being attracted to someone, but refusing to meet someoen because they're not over 6'? And yes, I've had the proffered as a genuine excuse. So, try the date as a way to meet someone. That's what it's supposed to be anyway.

guitarbabe:
Oh yeah, the date is generally underused nowadays, and the sniper approach is fine as a way to get to know the girl (and the guy) enough to know you even want to ask on the date (or not to ask on the date).  But if a guy is a sniper for too long, then the girl might write him off as not interested and go elsewhere.  True True.

Of course, the friendship base is 'the dream' for a lot of us girls...uh, depending on the girl, of course. Maybe the key to not 'freaking' the girl out is is is...hmm, let me think here, is a combination of both...knowing the girl well enough that you can have a good conversation? Not making a big deal out of the date?  I don't know. I do know that everyone is tired of games though.

Besides, sometimes girls DO know they would definitely not date a guy (even if they got to know him better), and it's best just to find out in the beginning, so you can be friends.

Poor guys! And poor girls! Man, I think it's a miracle anyone gets together, huh?

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