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Reading Excuses / Re: 3-2-09 Hamster Soul Taker Chapter 2
« on: March 06, 2009, 05:46:54 AM »
…and here we go again.
…sucking what little light there was in the Realm and darkening it.
Did the daggers extinguish the light of this place, or did the area around the daggers darken?
…twirled past his outstretched arm…
Inside, toward the body, or out?
…grabbed the wrist that held the dagger, trying to wrench it away.
His wrist?
His enemy threw a fist at Kale’s head, and Kale brought his hand up to block it…
Why did Kale not use his dagger to block with? It’s still in his hand, isn’t it?
…Kale dropped from the beam he was standing on and grabbed it with his hands.
With daggers in hand?
He shook his head to clear them.
He has more than one head?
Kale forced himself to get out while he still had the little bit of adrenaline pumping through his body.
You had stated earlier that Kale did not, or at least avoided, using adrenaline.
But his feet slapped loudly against the hard floor…
Did he take his boots off?
He slowly crept through the door at the end.
Wouldn’t the guards still be chasing him? He didn’t seem to have taken enough twists and turns to be able to lose them just yet. It seems that they would be a lot closer.
The figure challenged him with a firm voice.
He was just moaning in his sleep. I don’t think his voice would be all that firm just yet.
I defiantly liked the story itself, though I do question Kale’s use of his weapons. If his daggers can kill with only a scratch, then it would follow that he would use that to his advantage. Granted it’s not as impressive, but it is a little more believable. Like I said before, I think Kale enjoys killing his victims a little too much for me to like his character. As of now, I’d rather see him die. But Riel I like a lot better. I’m already sympathetic to him, and would like to see him kill or catch Kale. Good job, keep ‘em coming.
Not me, that was very well done.
…sucking what little light there was in the Realm and darkening it.
Did the daggers extinguish the light of this place, or did the area around the daggers darken?
…twirled past his outstretched arm…
Inside, toward the body, or out?
…grabbed the wrist that held the dagger, trying to wrench it away.
His wrist?
His enemy threw a fist at Kale’s head, and Kale brought his hand up to block it…
Why did Kale not use his dagger to block with? It’s still in his hand, isn’t it?
…Kale dropped from the beam he was standing on and grabbed it with his hands.
With daggers in hand?
He shook his head to clear them.
He has more than one head?
Kale forced himself to get out while he still had the little bit of adrenaline pumping through his body.
You had stated earlier that Kale did not, or at least avoided, using adrenaline.
But his feet slapped loudly against the hard floor…
Did he take his boots off?
He slowly crept through the door at the end.
Wouldn’t the guards still be chasing him? He didn’t seem to have taken enough twists and turns to be able to lose them just yet. It seems that they would be a lot closer.
The figure challenged him with a firm voice.
He was just moaning in his sleep. I don’t think his voice would be all that firm just yet.
I defiantly liked the story itself, though I do question Kale’s use of his weapons. If his daggers can kill with only a scratch, then it would follow that he would use that to his advantage. Granted it’s not as impressive, but it is a little more believable. Like I said before, I think Kale enjoys killing his victims a little too much for me to like his character. As of now, I’d rather see him die. But Riel I like a lot better. I’m already sympathetic to him, and would like to see him kill or catch Kale. Good job, keep ‘em coming.
Quote
(Or maybe I'm an idiot for not seeing it. Did anybody actually GUESS that?)
Not me, that was very well done.
