Guess I'll start your thread for you.
I found the writing to be modern, and very loose. This is probably a good thing.
The prologue... really wasn't doing much for me. Well, let me rephrase: it didn't seem to really fit. Given that your story takes place in Manhattan, 2010, the prologue in 1888 feels a bit lost. If you're going to go back and forth between the two times, that's cool, and I'll address the issue again once I've read more of the past. If you're not, then I'm not sure it's really necessary to bring up 3 characters that have no life beyond the first 1k words. *I* would almost like to see how Gail managed to get into the mess. Starting out with something like:
It didn't work. The board bounced off his skull, causing her to drop it. He screamed bloody murder....
or something.
One other big problem I had was trying to separate Ray's vision from the rest of the story. I can tell it's there, but it's really hard for me to tell when he slipped into it. Perhaps you need to use some sort of differentiation in font, be it italics, or blockquote... something. I guessed it was "the accident" that he was reliving, but I was confused as to why, too. Something with the bridge?
When they get home, I'm a little confused as to why Dan comes out and asks "You were in Jail?" Didn't they just talk about that on the phone? Did he not hear about it somehow? She was rambling for quite some time, it appears. I suppose it could be a rhetorical question, though, and Gail just answers it again because she's a smartass.
A continuity issue: Gail says on the phone that Dan and Ray were asleep at 1 in the afternoon... but in the apartment, Ray says he's been up since 4 (am?). Both of those can't be true. If he's been up since 4pm, then he probably wouldn't be very tired, I don't think.
I'm not entirely sure whether you need to change this or not, but vampires, daywalker or no, don't generally think things like "It was only seven o’ clock in the evening" To most vampires (night creatures that they are), 7pm is really late to be "up". Unless they live normal-ish lives, I suppose. Not sure how much you're trying to break out of the traditional vamp model.
I think what you have is a good start. It's light right now, but certainly different from Twilight (gushy romance) or Blade (full of action). I'm interested to see where you're going with it.