Okay, so I just finished chapter one, so I'll comment on that first. I like the improvements! Everything fits much better now, although there is one thing that I wish had remained the same. In the first version, didn't will successfully harvest at least one mushroom without getting caught? I think that's how I remember it, and I liked it better that way. It gives us a chance to know will a little before all the running and yelling starts. A glowing magic mushroom is more than enough to keep a reader entertained before the craziness with the screechers begins.
There are also a few instances where you violate the "show and don't tell" rule. For example, you say that the screecher opened its mouth like a snake about to eat "a big meal." Give us an example, e.g. swamp rat, giant toad, etc. Next, you say that will realized that "big trouble" had arived. Well, show us its big trouble; describe Will's reaction so that we know it's big trouble without having to be told.
Other than that, the dialogue portion between the two is better, but should still use some clean up. The story gets a bit stilted there where you transition from your revision back to the original and vice versa. You could probably tighten it up fairly easily however.
Other than that, a great revision!