I'm slowly catching up. Now I'm only.... 5? 6? chapters behind.
Aermyst shaded his eyes against the sun and breathed a weary sigh of relief. The last of the desert had been left behind a week past. They had survived.
<snark>Yeah, it felt like they were out there forever</snark> ;-)
Three more of the guards had died, one by 'panther attacks and...
Wait a sec.... did I miss something? You promised us sand panthers and the only time they attack it happened off-camera.
This then, is Londalis.
OK.
First, I loved your writing here. You did a remarkable job of carrying us down into the city, and through all the stuff we see. About mid-way through this section the prose started to lose some of its grace. It almost felt like you were flowing with the poetry, but then put the brakes on so you could say things like "Uh, oh yeah, they had to put scaffolding over there in order to live.". It was like a tour guide who was doign great, and then had to answer somebody's logical question that was off-script. (Did that make sense?)
Also, the first half of this section felt like I was being carried through the city. In the later part, it jumped around a little more. Consider looking for that smooth grace you had to start with.
In this discussion thread you asked us if the city's description worked. I'm not sure it does. Yes, the writing is well done. But this is the first time in the story (that I recall) in which we have a truly detached third person omniscient narrator. Perhaps if you had established in earlier chapters another POV like this?
Finally regarding this section, the return to Aermyst was a bit jarring. I think this might go back to the smoothness of the ride you were taking us on. You took us into the city and eventually to the Sacramency (cool word, btw... you've got all sorts of neat Christian references in this novel)... consider maybe finishing the ride by returning to Aermyst? Heck, maybe the skitterfly is what takes us through the city?
An ever-swirling whirlpool, frozen into silvered glass. It has no city blocks, no districts, no divisions of any kind. It is a spider's web sparkling with morning dew, each thread expanding wider and wider to form the basis of the web.
I really like this description. Just be aware that you used the term "morning dew" twice in a short amount of time.
However, the boy was nearly the first thing Aermyst saw when he entered the city.
If Aermyst just saw him
Aermyst watched Marlin nod slowly. "Some," he said. "Traveler, Tester, Forger, Avenger, Protector..." his voice trailed off. "I...I don't know the rest."
Ohh oooh! Pick me! Pick me! I know! It's Maker and Builder!
"Maker, and Builder," said the monk. "Do you know what they mean?" he asked kindly.
Yay! I was right... but no, I have no idea what they are. Tell me...
The voice gradually became a dull murmur that blended in with the rest of the crowd.
Rats. I was hoping to find out.
Marlin seemed excited
Show. Don't tell. Besides, last we saw him, he looked worried by entering the city. Not excited.
"The realm fares well," the lieutenant answered.
If that's a formal answer, I'd expect it to be in the
Old Tongue ancient language Aermyst used.
He looked yearningly at the Sacramency, then ducked into the needletower, following the skitterfly.
This works well. The skitterfly is trying to get home. Well done. I get it.
What doesn't really work for me is how easy if twas to find the elevator and bump the controls on. I would believe it, but only if the skitterfly lead him to a place that was much more clearly abandoned. It would seem to me that if a city had stood "dead" for centuries or whatever, the modern people would have already poked, prodded, and touched every single possible surface by now. This just seemed too easy.
For a second, nothing happened. Then with a slow whine the symbols flickered out of existence and the small glow beneath his palm died. Aermyst sighed, dissapointed.
And then the room came to life.
That little delay was well played! Nice job. (Check your spelling though: "disappointed")
...cold, unyielding stone brick of the streets.
Brick? In a city of ethersteel and other advanced technology?
For the last section of the chapter... great imagery!
On the bridge... it was a little awkard for me when you described the skitterfly having trouble with the wind. I had to re-read a few times to get the idea.
Also, I kept wanting him to lose his balance. Jut to make things more interesting. But perhaps I'm just overly cruel to characters.
The bridge itself could use some more description. Is it truly a bridge? If so, why are there no railings? (Maybe there's a valid reason, but I'd love to have it answered in the text)
Finally... the finest compliment I offer this chapter is that this is the FIRST time in your novel in which I really, really, REALLY want to know what happens next. You totally have me hooked. And you're saying it's capital-A Awesome, so I'm going to read it right....now.
(Great work!!!)