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Messages - maxonennis

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226
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Wow, does Mr. Sanderson like -born or what?
« on: December 20, 2008, 04:31:56 AM »
I was listening to it, and I swear at one point you could hear Limebabby cooing in the background as Pemberly was reading. Remember Brandon, out of sight, out of mind.  ;D

Anyway, good story.

227
Reading Excuses / Re: A poll for "Just a thought"
« on: December 18, 2008, 05:02:24 AM »
I would love to, however, ideally everyone would have already read the chapters previous (even if they didn't critique), and would only need a brief reminder. But, yes, I'm all for it.

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Brandon Sanderson / Re: WOT Help
« on: December 18, 2008, 03:42:03 AM »
Joe, I think the slow Rand POV is in there as part of a make up for seeing a lot less of him as the series continues. Also, he just has more things going on than anyone esle, so the POV would go slower.

229
Reading Excuses / Re: 15-12-08 - Cold Feet
« on: December 17, 2008, 07:41:38 PM »
Good things: I like establishment of the character and conflict. Your writing style is very nice, easy to read, little if any uses of cliques, and not too wordy.

Bad things: This reads like a short story. And as a short story, I’m sorry, I don’t really like it. All it is, presumably, a female moping around. My dislike for it stems from my history in foster care. I’ve always made a point not to mope despite how bad my situation got, thus I find it hard to sympathise with the narrator for that reason. (I’ve said so before, and I’ll say it again: I’m not a sympathetic person. Either you man-up, or woman-up if you will, or not. Either way, I find it hard to care about someone who wallows in self-pity.)

As short story, I would like to know about the fight. She, or he, talks about how they gave and gave for not, but I want facts. I’m not a patient enough person to read about someone griping without facts regarding the situation. As a novel, you've set this up nicely for a bring-along-reveal story.

I apologize if this sound like an attack (trust me, it I toned this way down after I’d first written this critique), but I’ve had to listen to far too many people over the years complain about stupid things while I had been wondering where my next meal would come from. And the character is fictional.

230
Reading Excuses / Re: What are your strengths and weaknesses as a Writer?
« on: December 14, 2008, 07:00:05 PM »
HayleyRH everyone is giving great advise, but also remember--and it is something I have to tell myself constantly--this is only your first draft.  It won't and doesn't have to be great and good, these are just your ideas first coming out of your head into the light of day.  Presiver and push past your initial... revulsion, and you will find that it gets better on is own.  Your own story will draw you in.  You have an idea for a story where most people would never even think to actually write it down, so you already have something special.  Be brave, tough it out, and you will see something extraordinary.

Oh, certainly. About two thrids of my really good plot outlines make it to the final draft for me. If I want to change something, I go ahead and change it from the time the idea pops into my head. I don't go back and change things until I've finished my first draft.

231
Reading Excuses / Re: What are your strengths and weaknesses as a Writer?
« on: December 14, 2008, 05:56:05 PM »
Hayley, what I do when starting a new story is first write the first scene. I usually have an idea for a novel, but writing that first scene puts all the pieces into place in my head. I then stop and outline, and finally go back and finish the story.

232
Brandon Sanderson / Re: Mistborn Miniatures Now Available
« on: December 13, 2008, 04:40:26 AM »
One Koloss yard gnome, please. Maybe that will keep the neighbors kids out of my yard.

233
Brandon Sanderson / Re: WOT Help
« on: December 13, 2008, 04:33:00 AM »
Okay, this is thread hijacking, and we’re getting way off topic, but…

I have a friend who’s read Tolkien on Tolkien, and he said that in it Tolkien constantly reiterated that he hated symbolism thought out his autobiograph. I don’t think for one moment that tLotR is religious in the least, or meant to be taken as religious.

Also, I’d hate to see this thread become a religious debate…That wasn’t its intent.

234
Reading Excuses / Re: What are your strengths and weaknesses as a Writer?
« on: December 13, 2008, 04:21:34 AM »

I'll gladly join the ranks of the slow writers. In my case it's made worse through my brilliant idea of writing the first draft by hand. That feels far too much like work, and once I'm done with the draft I probably won't try that again. Ever. Unless the result should turn out to be a work of literary genius, of course.


I'd tried to write by hand before. It feels like five times the amount of work typing is to me. I will never try doing that again. Once was enough.

235
Reading Excuses / What are your strengths and weaknesses as a Writer?
« on: December 12, 2008, 08:00:41 PM »
I thought it would be a good idea to have a thread where we could talk about what we are good and bad at in terms of writing. I think it helps with some self-realization being able to identify these, and being able to discus it with others is a way to find ways around your/mine problems. Not to mention learning/trying to emphasize what you’re good at.

Since I started the thread, I’ll go first. (See how that works?)

After I’d watched my third book fall flat on its face, I was at first a little depressed and decided to take a break from writing for a few weeks. It ended up being a few months. After the months had passed, I looked at the outline I had for my next story—I’d written it during my third book. I, naturally, wanted my fourth book to be better then the last three. So I took a painful amount of time to read over my other books to try and identify what was my biggest problem. It took no longer then a few pages of each story to tell me the answer: internal dialog.

In those first three books I’d used so much internal dialog that it deemphasized the external dialog, and made it sound redundant.

(For those of you who’ve read the chapter I’d submitted, the first page is a great representative of this problem.)

I am still looking for the answer for this problem. It sounds simple enough to jus cut back on internal dialog, but it’s hard for me. Especially when I don’t talk so much, and the majority of what I say is scaled down bits of dialog that goes on inside my head.

In terms of strengths, I would like to think that characters are my strength, but that’s just my ego talking. I think my real strength lies in descriptions. I have a knack for, if I take the time, making a scene vivid and feel real. As good as that may be, too much description takes away from the rest of the story. I’ve yet to find a balance for this “skill” either.

I’d like to hear from all of you about this as well.

236
Dan Wells / Re: Buy Dan Bacon?
« on: December 11, 2008, 05:22:33 PM »
I can see you put a lot of thought into that, Knight. As scary amount of thought  :-[

237
Brandon Sanderson / Re: WOT Help
« on: December 11, 2008, 12:22:48 AM »
You have an interesting view, mtbikemom, about the morality of the characters. I've always seen the story as a bunch of important people who all think that they, and they alone, know what was best for everyone else. And as such, they usually don't pay attention to, or try to kill all who believe differently. This goes for the Two River folk too.

To add to this, Jordan, more than any other writer I've read to date, added so many human factors into the characters that there is a huge amount of miscommunication. One main character won't tell another main character something that may be important because they don't want to look like a fool by stating the obvious, or they don't think the other person needs to know, or even it just didn't come to mind. As a result you get a good number of main characters all striving for the same goal, but blockading each other because of miscommunication.

238
Brandon Sanderson / Re: WOT Help
« on: December 10, 2008, 06:56:44 PM »
Congradulations on starting a wonderful read.  Keep at it. The first three books will feel very different from book four.  The story will eventually become absolutely vast.  The events of the Wheel of Time are roughly comparable in impact to WWII was for us.  Imagine if someone setout to tell the story of WWII from the viewpoint of virtually all the key players on all sides.  That'll give you a pretty good idea of the scope of the story.  It's an amazingly ambitious undertaking.

The Wheel of Time contains a concept of an Age Lace.  The basic idea is that every person's life is a thread.  Those threads are woven into a pattern as people interact with each other.  In most cases, these threads are allowed to wander about however they like within the pattern.  Every so often the wheel which weaves the pattern churns out a central thread.  A Ta'veren.  This person becomes a focal point in the pattern.  The Ta'veren influences those around him and bends their threads around him.  This bending ripples outward through the pattern and more and more threads are woven together around the Ta'veren.  The more powerfully one is Ta'veren, the more influence that person will have over the pattern.  This weaving of threads around a Ta'veren is called an Age Lace.  I suspect this is a very familiar concept to most writers.

Jordan got the concept of the pattern and life as a fabric woven by a wheel from Buddhism/Hinduism. In those religions they believe, or fundamentally believe, that there is a wheel spinning out the threads of reality. It might also be the inspiration behind Age Lace, though I don’t know because I’ve never read it.

239
Reading Excuses / Re: Crashers
« on: December 06, 2008, 06:52:31 PM »
Prologue: I usually don’t like prologues of this nature—the third person omniscient, and then switching back to third limited for the rest of the story--, however I thought the prologue did that well. A bit of info dumping done, I’m not sure if any of it isn’t something that isn’t explained in the next chapter, and farther more it didn’t seem necessary to the occurrences that take place within the prologue. Of course I have no idea about the star and what it has to do with Ashley, but it makes me want to continue reading.

We go from mommy and daddy during Ashley’s birth, to two scenes in a class room without any show of the parents, where are these characters? I ask this because we “meet” the parents in a few paragraphs in the prologue, and don’t see them again. Then we meet Ashley, Remington, Kyle, and Mr. Silvan, and aside from Kyle and Ashley’s love of debating the Crashers, I don’t know anything about either.

How predominate the class room is supposed to be in the rest of the story? From the first chapter I would expect it to be a large part of the story, after all using that much time building one setting, it will probably get reused. Also, I’m slightly bothered by the fact that it went right from one day at school to another without anything happening between to let me get a better feel of Ashley’s character. Because of the class room scenes you get away with some information dumping. It wasn’t over board, but felt a little much.

I’m still searching for what level of technology they have. In one instance, I assumed that they’d invented teleportation devices and were now using them but from the last scene in the first chapter it says that that isn’t the case. From that chapter I know nothing about the world outside of the class room.

I, over all, like the story. Your writing style is easy to read, and I’m looking forward to the next chapter.

240
Reading Excuses / Re: Your Background
« on: December 05, 2008, 01:35:55 AM »
When I say I have friends I trust to give me decent feedback, those are usually friends who are also writers. I trust them to do that because we all want the same thing.

Writer friends are the best.

I just ask my oldest sister to look at my stuff, the toughest critic I have. :)

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