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« on: December 06, 2008, 06:52:31 PM »
Prologue: I usually don’t like prologues of this nature—the third person omniscient, and then switching back to third limited for the rest of the story--, however I thought the prologue did that well. A bit of info dumping done, I’m not sure if any of it isn’t something that isn’t explained in the next chapter, and farther more it didn’t seem necessary to the occurrences that take place within the prologue. Of course I have no idea about the star and what it has to do with Ashley, but it makes me want to continue reading.
We go from mommy and daddy during Ashley’s birth, to two scenes in a class room without any show of the parents, where are these characters? I ask this because we “meet” the parents in a few paragraphs in the prologue, and don’t see them again. Then we meet Ashley, Remington, Kyle, and Mr. Silvan, and aside from Kyle and Ashley’s love of debating the Crashers, I don’t know anything about either.
How predominate the class room is supposed to be in the rest of the story? From the first chapter I would expect it to be a large part of the story, after all using that much time building one setting, it will probably get reused. Also, I’m slightly bothered by the fact that it went right from one day at school to another without anything happening between to let me get a better feel of Ashley’s character. Because of the class room scenes you get away with some information dumping. It wasn’t over board, but felt a little much.
I’m still searching for what level of technology they have. In one instance, I assumed that they’d invented teleportation devices and were now using them but from the last scene in the first chapter it says that that isn’t the case. From that chapter I know nothing about the world outside of the class room.
I, over all, like the story. Your writing style is easy to read, and I’m looking forward to the next chapter.