Timewaster's Guide Archive

Eric, depending on how Unforgettable goes, do you plan to go the Inde rout for your novels?

I need alpha readers for an incomplete fantasy crossover. (I hesitate to call it incomplete because I consider the "novel" to be a series of novellas, and this arch to be the first of the series. By that distinction, it is complete.) It is currently about 17,000 words (my word processor says 18,000, so it’s probably about a thousand words less than that). I just completing the first major character arch and I’m on the brink of expanding the story into another, more complicated arch. BUT I need to know which way to go with the voice of the main character.

It’s written in first person, has romantic themes, reads like a fictional memoir, is neither epic nor urban, and is set in a fantasy world but is character driven and very centralized. The setting is a world without humans: all the characters are non-humans. The magic is subtle, but plays a big part in the story. I don’t use any traditional fantasy species. It isn’t a quest, but a survival story (this arch anyway). Not much about the world is given in this chunk, but it is action packed and fast paced. I’ve been told by a reliable source that there are some disturbing themes in this, so spots are awkward reading.

Thanks!

Is chapter six, in a thirty chapter book, too late to introduce another main character? I like to meet all the main characters in a book within the first four chapters, but I wanted to know what some of you guys thought about it. To me it feels too late (a fifth of the way through the book) to introduce a new character, but I can't find a better place without messing up the timeline of the story.

Thoughts?

I just sent out an email without the attachment, all comments are welcome. I'll try again in a few minutes. But any hoo, this is were the critiques go.

I'm going to go ahead and put up a thread now so I don't have to wake up early tomorrow (I'm not a morning person).

I have several questions for readers about the story. I would ask that you read the submission before reading the questions (I don’t want them to influence your responses).

Question one: the characters are none gender, did it feel to you as if one or the other belonged to a set gender? And if it did, which one?

Question two: An’Nainin has, obviously, just become animated. An’ has some child like personality aspects such as curiosity and being unable to think outside of the present. Did you feel this is overdone, or out of place?

Question three: Did the characters feel genuine? Did they feel correct to you?

Question four: Did I over use the Japanese words? (I read way too much manga…)

Feel free to mention anything else that caught your eye, but these are my biggest concerns. Thanks!

* There maybe spoilers for Mistborn and the Wheel of Time in this thread *

Authors Note: Because I haven’t seen a Writing Excuses episode on this, and because it is something that new writers can get confused on, I’m going to try and give information about how to use internal dialogue from what I’ve learnt.

Internal dialogue was my biggest weakness and something I still struggle with, thus I feel qualified to give advice.

You can feel free to disagree, discus, or jump in with your own thoughts on the subject, but the essay is from my own experiences as a writer.



Internal Dialogue, An Essay

Good internal dialogue doesn’t disrupt the flow of the story; great internal dialogue can’t be seen by the naked eye.

In Brandon Sanderson’s book Mistborn, he uses italicized internal dialogue. This is the first and most commonly used form of internal dialogue. What this does is let the reader know that the italicized sentences are thoughts, and making a clear distinction between the rest of the narrative and the character’s thought. The side affect is that the overuses of the italicized thoughts can distract from the rest of the story. So, while the reader knows for certain that these are character’s thoughts and not necessarily facts, the italicized sentences can be jarring and can throw the reader out of the story.

The second from of internal dialogue is interweaved into the narrative like in the Wheel of Time series—although typically used in first person point-of-view. This allows the author to use unreliable narrators, and doesn’t distract the reader with eye-popping italics. The down side to this kind of dialogue is that it becomes hard for the reader to understand when the narrator is being honest, and when they are lying. It also reads a lot like stream of conscious thought because the character’s minds are so interweaved into the story that the writer has to follow them, this can cause the story to get a bit off track and lose momentum.

Most writers use a combination of the two, so don’t think that you have to use one or the other. Either one of these are good, but misuses of either can ruin a story. Too many italicized sentences can put the story inside the character’s head and make the world and people around him or her dull and lifeless. Using narrative with an underdeveloped character can read like a movie script, or the character’s thoughts may be inconsistent.

When is too much? When the character’s thoughts are the highlight of the novel. One of the attractions of a story should be the characters interactions with one another, unless you are writing something experimental. When one character’s thoughts over shadow the rest of the story then it is obvious that that character is making the world around them feel less interactive despite how developed the author may have made it.

How to avoid too much? It’s as simple as basic human communication: body language and speech. Facial expressions, hand gestures, and body lean can tell the reader a lot about what a character is thinking if used correctly in a social situation. Using speech, you can outright let the reader know what the characters are thinking without breaking point-of-view.

(Or, even better, you can have your main character lie to another without giving an explanation to the reader. This is a good way to see if you are using internal dialogue correctly. Writing a story in which one character lies to another and having people read it to see how many understand why the character did without telling them is a good exercise.)

There are other ways such as having other lively characters around the narrator, or making the narrator very interactive with other people. Typically when you want to use internal dialogue there is a reason to let the reader know what the character is thinking, in those situations it is best to go ahead and use some form of internal dialogue, but I caution against creating your character as a channel through which your own thoughts flow (it can feel oppressive, and just plain annoying).

I have to ask those who know me least, am I a horrible person? Just answer based on instinct, no reasoning here.

I thought it would be a good idea to have a thread where we could talk about what we are good and bad at in terms of writing. I think it helps with some self-realization being able to identify these, and being able to discus it with others is a way to find ways around your/mine problems. Not to mention learning/trying to emphasize what you’re good at.

Since I started the thread, I’ll go first. (See how that works?)

After I’d watched my third book fall flat on its face, I was at first a little depressed and decided to take a break from writing for a few weeks. It ended up being a few months. After the months had passed, I looked at the outline I had for my next story—I’d written it during my third book. I, naturally, wanted my fourth book to be better then the last three. So I took a painful amount of time to read over my other books to try and identify what was my biggest problem. It took no longer then a few pages of each story to tell me the answer: internal dialog.

In those first three books I’d used so much internal dialog that it deemphasized the external dialog, and made it sound redundant.

(For those of you who’ve read the chapter I’d submitted, the first page is a great representative of this problem.)

I am still looking for the answer for this problem. It sounds simple enough to jus cut back on internal dialog, but it’s hard for me. Especially when I don’t talk so much, and the majority of what I say is scaled down bits of dialog that goes on inside my head.

In terms of strengths, I would like to think that characters are my strength, but that’s just my ego talking. I think my real strength lies in descriptions. I have a knack for, if I take the time, making a scene vivid and feel real. As good as that may be, too much description takes away from the rest of the story. I’ve yet to find a balance for this “skill” either.

I’d like to hear from all of you about this as well.