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Peks 4

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The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
as fofr the ambassador, do you mean where Peks sees "honesty though soemthing he couldn't identify?" I admit the wording needs brushing up, but it is, after all, a rushed first draft. But, naturally you don't know what else Peks sees. Peks can't figure out what this guy's holding out, so to give you more sympathy with him, I'm making it obscure for you too. It's not a deep dark secret, just something Peks doesn't have familiarity with. So I'm not telling you what it is, since the story is from his perspective.

Mistress of Darkness:
Caval: Yes, I guessed all of that. I just didn't really care. He doesn't seem overly special right now. Maybe that will change.

Swimming: Jumping and splashing is two people having fun. Doesn't mean they are so excited that they forget to take off their clothes first on a cool spring morning when planning to go somewhere afterward (read: the reason they are excited). Again, waking up early, does show excitment, but it doesn't lead me to believe that they are so excited as to overlook that damp clothes look pretty silly, and are cold. You've made a big point about how it has only recently warmed up enough for Peks and Birge to sleep outside, and only the bulk and warmth of Caval makes that possible. Why are they submerging in a snow-fed stream in the first place?

Maybe what you want to do is to emphasize their chagrin when they realize what they've done. Either after they get their clothes wet, or when they realize that the clothes aren't drying fast enough. Maybe when they see the other men stripping first they realize that they've been stupid.

In reality, their wet clothes don't seem to make a bit of difference to anything,  so be a little more realistic, say they washed their hands, faces and necks, maybe their armpits. But your setting is too cold for swimming just yet.

Isbeth: I disagree with your reasoning. Granted, it might not bother many people, but I think your stretching it. Why does she need to be there at all? To see the boys naked? I can see that she would break from her father often, but not on this important day. Isbeth would need some special reason.

Ambassador: Rushed wording makes it really hard to understand what you are trying to say, or even what you think you are saying. It doesn't seem obscure, just sloppy. All I said was that I don't understand what your trying to portray Jud as in that scene. That's your (the author's) problem.

So what I'm trying to say is, in all fairness, if your writting is rushed and you're not willing to polish it up before you ask someone's opinion, expect some confusion due to the unpolishedness.

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers:
I'll wait for other people's feedback, but it seems to me that you're being too picky and putting too much modern middle class values on everyone's behavior. Peks and Birge don't have a reason to care about looking silly. They only have one or two sets of clothes anyway. Peasants just don't care that much. *shrug* I'm not trying to say dont' criticize, I just don't think many of these particularly apply.

And just to clarify, I'm not distraught at all that there's some confusion about his motivation. Rather I'm pleased. That's my point. You're not SUPPOSED to know what Judilek is.

Lieutenant Kije:
I'm sorry, folks.  I totally spaced last night.  I'm going to go over my thinking of the chapter and post comments a little bit later today.

Lieutenant Kije:
Caval:

Okay... it was kind of strange to have a big magic dog just appear (his bigness indicates his "specialness," so I figure he's magic or supernatural or something like that.  And it was a little strange to have him latch onto Birge, as if we needed something to make Birge cool besides being Peks'; friend.  It definitely throws the web of the plot out, by indicating that Birge is going to play a part in it all, but it kind of reminded me of...okay, please don't hate me or take offense...please...

It kind of reminded me of R. Jordan and the gimmicks he gives characters to make them interesting and plotworthy.  The story's really about Rand, but we've got to make other characters interesting too, so...we'll give them a big dog.  In the way I am categorizing things for this story Birge has moved from being an entry in Peks file ("friend") to having his own file, and the file is titled "dog boy."  I hope I'm making some kind of sense here.  If you could smooth into the dog, and Birge's independence within the plot (if that is to be the case) then it might make it easier for me.  Maybe Birge means "dog boy" in the old speech.   :)

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