Local Authors > Writing Group

Peks 4

<< < (5/5)

Entsuropi:
It seems to fit his character. And on the subject of Jordan characters, i always felt that Matt, having one of the most interesting power sets among the characters, got not nearly enough time.

stacer:
Remember how I was talking about long sentences? Here's an example of something easily avoided, so that the long sentences you're really attached to can stay:


--- Quote ---Peks couldn't think of how he got there, there had had been no one on the road; he supposed he could have been looking down at the road, but how could he have missed someone coming from over the countryside.
--- End quote ---


You've got a run-on sentence in the beginning. If you broke it up, like so:


--- Quote ---Peks couldn't think of how he got there. There had had been no one on the road. He supposed he could have been looking down at the road, but how could he have missed someone coming from over the countryside.
--- End quote ---


then you can get more mileage out of the long sentences that you really need.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[*] Previous page

Go to full version