Yeah I too didn't quite understand why all these women were ostracized. Sure, I understand some, but it seems like those with status, such as Eyeless' mother, would be able to get some special treatment. Also, I think Eyeless' mother would call him by his first name, the one she gave him, if she was trying to remind him of her.
Dense fog, the kind you can shove aside with your hands only to watch it immediately be replaced by its fellows lay heavy in the forest.
I like the imagery but I don't really think of fog as having fellows
Maybe another word?
Wow, that was a pretty intense dream that Lightfoot was having. Great descriptions. However, I didn't understand this:
It’s over, they’ve found me. This is how it will end, devoured by bloodsuckers.
I thought the bloodsuckers were those five guys tracking Lightfoot through the woods? Maybe I'm just confused on that
Bruav's character seemed a bit inconsistent with the selfish, generally mean picture you left us with in the prologue. I know you mentioned that the events of the prologue actually took place after the events of the main story, so maybe Bruav's character will change?
For me the first third and the last third of the chapter was the most interesting. I wasn't really intrigued at all about the march through the guantlet. I didn't understand why these women were all forced to live like rats. Also, why weren't the sick, old, and infirm men or small children living with them too? I would reconsider that little bit of your world.
I do like how you say you are planning to use it to force some character growth with Rain. That does seem like a good opportunity.
About the whole encounter with Rain...I will just say this. No matter how pretty my nurse is, I would not be getting a hard-on when I've been sleeping for presumably days and just awoke from a nightmare dream involving lurching undead, and when I still have chunks of flesh and bone missing
However, if that is part of Lightfoot's character by all means keep it.