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Reading Excuses / Re: Aug 15th - Guenhywvar - untitled story, most of chapter 1
« on: August 15, 2011, 11:07:01 PM »
Right, I understand what you are saying, I have always had the problem with being too vague, even now in school my teachers still tell me off for it...
I didn't realise about the 'was' instead of 'were', nut now that I read it over in my head I see you are completely right...
I see about the tenses changing, which I shall change to past, I didn't realise I had even changed tenses.
Unfortunately I understand that my writing is very inconsistent.
I have a very big problem with names, they are what slow down my writing the most, which is why they are often not referred to, in the first draft, Damaris was un-named for the first scene.
'These rooms are carved out of the rocks underneath the city to make space for the important buildings on the surface.' -Those mainly being the temple, brothels, as well as work houses, and farms.
Alright, so name characters quicker.
She is relatively young, and Bethea is quite old. Looking over it now, I didn't make that clear at all, Lady is the correct way to address her as Kaethe is a noble (almost all priests are).
I hadn't considered that, the paranoia is almost just a morning thing, I will have to change that.
I changed it from 'let out a string of profanities' and was aware I had to use something else, as the only two times there has been cursing the same phrase had been used, so that was a last minute insertion without thinking.
Most priests aren't particularly nice, which is why Damaris is wary. Which is why she bottles up. Being a Bulwark is an honourable position, one that falls to third daughters, but she is used to being mistreated by priests.
I know about the conversation being stilted, that is a problem I also have.
Most of the background information was going to be shown in chapter 2, which is why I should have probably sent them together.
I didn't realise about the 'was' instead of 'were', nut now that I read it over in my head I see you are completely right...
I see about the tenses changing, which I shall change to past, I didn't realise I had even changed tenses.
Unfortunately I understand that my writing is very inconsistent.
I have a very big problem with names, they are what slow down my writing the most, which is why they are often not referred to, in the first draft, Damaris was un-named for the first scene.
'These rooms are carved out of the rocks underneath the city to make space for the important buildings on the surface.' -Those mainly being the temple, brothels, as well as work houses, and farms.
Alright, so name characters quicker.
She is relatively young, and Bethea is quite old. Looking over it now, I didn't make that clear at all, Lady is the correct way to address her as Kaethe is a noble (almost all priests are).
I hadn't considered that, the paranoia is almost just a morning thing, I will have to change that.
I changed it from 'let out a string of profanities' and was aware I had to use something else, as the only two times there has been cursing the same phrase had been used, so that was a last minute insertion without thinking.
Most priests aren't particularly nice, which is why Damaris is wary. Which is why she bottles up. Being a Bulwark is an honourable position, one that falls to third daughters, but she is used to being mistreated by priests.
I know about the conversation being stilted, that is a problem I also have.
Most of the background information was going to be shown in chapter 2, which is why I should have probably sent them together.