Part three, where Vara is going to land where a mob is gathering. Right, why is a mob gathering for Vara again? Yes, she’s a thief, yes, the butcher called her out, but she’s on the roofs now, running, while the butcher has to move through streets with enough people to form a mob. She should be outpacing him and the people should be a little slower in responding. Again, this may be the society, but in my experience people aren’t eager to get involved in such scrapes and with a lot of people around most will wait to see who is going to act first.
Vara then disappears into a cloud of dust. Given what you’ve said here on the forums I gather this is the magic system, some form of displacement through dust, but there’s nothing in the chapter itself to make this clear. From the chapter all I get is that she lands on an overly dusty street and runs from a mob, with an unclear purpose, without any trouble at all.
When she’s clear you make an odd jump with “it was a new month”, slipping into passive voice as well. It makes me feel more time has passed than it actually has. For someone who was just in trouble it’s odd she immediately wants to bath. My response would be to stake out her home for aw while to assure herself no one followed. When Leo speaks up she reacts far more passively than I expect, I’d expect her to do more than try to draw him out by speaking. A flight into a tree seems more likely.
The following sentence is really awkward: “She removed her goggles, letting her dark hair fall to her shoulders, I wonder what color my hair is.”
Her dark hair falls free, so she knows what colour her hair is. Another hint of a magic system, so now we have dust, water, hair; not seeing the overall connection yet.
