This is the first chapter of The Citadel of Thorns that I've read, so forgive me if being out of the loop has caused any mistakes in my critique.
It sounds like a truly profound event has shaken the lives of many characters. That's good. I'll assume that the plot, or at least the next few chapters of it, consists of the characters trying to put things back together, so to speak. (Humpty Dumpty)
From the first two viewpoint scenes, the characters’ contemplation of loss really strikes an emotional note. That’s good because the first thing you want in a sequel (reaction to an event in drama) is an emotional response from those affected. But it seemed to me that emotion was all these sections really did.
To have a sequel in drama, there needs to be clear, logical thought in the characters’ minds after the emotion subsides. The thought doesn't need to be logical, often people don't think that way, but at least the explanation of the fact that the character is illogial and why needs to be logical. The logical steps of that thought leads the characters to the next step in the sequence of plot. So 1 – emotion, 2- thought and 3 – decision.
The characters have plenty of thoughts but none of them seem to lead anywhere. In the first section, the character seems sort of surprised by “closing time”. She just takes up a room because she hasn’t decided on anything else. This may happen in real life after a loss, but it’s bad for drama. The character needs to get to the next step sometime, maybe even after staying a few days at the inn as written, but the reader doesn’t need to be carried along until the character is ready to decide something. If she takes so long to decide that she skips a large section of the chronological plot, then including this character in so large of a capacity that she needs a viewpoint scene every chapter is a dramatic mistake. I’m rambling. Basically, there are lots of ways to do this and you get the general idea.
As for the second section, there’s more forward plot movement here as far as Black Rose going to Orchid’s army, but it’s unexplained. Maybe it’s obvious to anyone who’s read chapters 1-3 why Black Rose would want to join Orchid’s army, but the section reads like this is the first time they’ve met, then you find out that it’s not, and all the while you’re left wondering whether Black Rose likes Orchid and what exactly her judgment is of her “tactical prowess” – whether the appearance is enough or not. These would be things that a person would consider in deciding whether to join the army of a given general, I think. Does she think that Orchid will help her find her “abilities” or get back her throne? Does she just trust Orchid? Maybe she just wants to join up to kill something, I don’t know. But whatever it is, this decision needs to be both fully explained to the reader and done so consistently with who Black Rose is as a character. The thing is with profound emotional responses is that they usually involve just as much logical thought afterward to resolve what must be done. Step 1, emotion and Step 2, thought should be fairly equal. But what you have in these 1000 words is 800 of emotion (which was good) and 200 of thought (which was good, but insufficient). I don’t know, maybe after reflection you’ll realize that Black Rose doesn’t have very strong motivations to join Orchid. If so, you’ve found a defect in the plot. Drama needs characters with strong, palpable motivations. But like most of us, you probably have it all straight in your head, and it’s just putting it to paper that’s tough. I know it is for me.
Reading on in the chapter, I noticed similar problems with the rest of the sections. Good description, but the elements of plot seem thin.
