A Guli chapter. Alright, I look forward to being proven wrong on my prediction.
Thoughts while reading ( a method I'm stealing from someone else here, clearly) :
Guli is returning home from the incident at the end of the last Guli chapter, right? Or has some time elapsed? If the former, I'm a little surprised he's not thinking over what had just happened. On the other hand, considering the character, I'm not surprised in the slightest.
The attack came on very suddenly. Took me a moment to realize that it was actually happening.
Dala is either in shock or has seen people torn apart by a boy with his bare hands before, 'cause she's taking this a lot better than I expect I would. The bits of dialogue with her and delusional Hamaline made me chuckle.
Oh, good. Shock wore off and the impact hit her rather hard.
Oh, sweet Raptor Jesus... cannibalism. The disturbing bar has just been risen to the point where nothing in this entire story will horrify me more.
Forced septum piercings. Oh boy. How thick are these bones, and how sharp? How much care did the piercers take in finding the right spot? There's only a thin valley of flesh where it's really safe to pierce, otherwise you're tearing through cartilage, which is very messy and bloody. Not to mention painful. I won't even ask if they used hollow needles, as I don't think it too likely they could make those with bone.
Okay, finished.
You're right, it does need a bit more polish, but considering the circumstances, I'll let it slide for now.
This has to be my favourite Guli chapter thus far (which I know isn't too difficult, as it's only the third). A lot of stuff did happen, and I feel as though the plot of the entire story has ben pushed forward significantly, most obviously for Guli himself. And you did a successful job of proving me somewhat wrong. I was right about the attack on the village (but then, it was obvious and I would have been disappointed if it HADN'T happened) but I did not predict the taking of the children as slaves. Which I really should have, now that I think about it. The caravan's intentions were telegraphed quite clearly. I think it may be because the entire experience was seen through Guli's eyes, and he's not the type of person who would consider that people might do such a thing. A sign of quality writing, I think, that I became so immersed in the character that I thought the same way he did.
There were only two moments in which I was knocked out of the story a bit, and those are rather personal. The cannibalism bit (*shudders*) and the forced septum piercings. Having had a number of piercings myself (bridge, both eyebrows, labret and nape), the lack of preparation put into it by the piercers stood out to me. I know, it's a very different world, and it wasn't important to show preparations, if any, in the narrative, but nevertheless it did. Unless those bone needles are hollow, and they hit directly on the sweet spot, and the bones placed in the piercing are equivalent to 12g or 14g, you're going to have a lot more than just some girls crying out. It'd be quite bloody and very painful, and I doubt Lazula would be able to withstand it without some kind of reaction. And after that, they need a careful regimen of hygiene care for the affected area for a few weeks after, otherwise infections could develop. (This isn't so bad a problem, because it would take a very long time for the infection to spread anywhere truly dangerous, and by then they would have noticed and had some kind of treatment. Still, if the needles aren't clean it is a risk.)
Keep in mind, this just knocked me out of the story for a moment. People who haven't had piercings probably would not have the same issue, and the women piercing the girls likely wouldn't care too much if it hurt. One change I'd suggest, just a small one to add a bit more realism, is upping reactions and adding a bit of blood to the whole piercing-party. Lazula having less of a reaction is fine - everyone handles piercings differently - but the younger girls would definitely be doing more than crying out a bit. Better hope they don't pick at it too...
Anyway, moving on from that tangent...
Yeah, a lot of that was kind of "all-at-once" but I thought this chapter worked incredibly well overall. Conflict, tension, plot progression, a little lacking in character development (I would expect Guli to be a little less trusting of these people and forced to become a bit less naive... unless my guess that he's developmentally disabled is accurate.) The only real problems are ones that can be fixed with some polishing and thorough proofreading. Nice work. ^_^
