I, for one, am okay with plodding as long as the characters are pulling their weight. Speaking of characters, the only thing that really bothered me about Ellie in this chapter was her reaction to the dinosaur. She was upset at its death? Seriously? Does she weep for cockroaches too? What about snakes? I guess my beef is this: she knows she's in a brutal world, and she also knows there's this huge freaking monster charging her group. Shouldn't she feel the slightest bit relieved that it got offed before it had a chance to off her?
Anyway, there were also a few times when it felt like you were playing with the fourth wall a little too much. For example, the line
"It was similar to looks I'd received from Sonja on occasion and one that would hereafter be referred to as the 'mom look.'"
You are talking to your reader here, or at least it sure sounds like it.
There were some other lines that stuck out to me and not in a good way. Maybe its just because I haven't read another submission in a long time, but it seemed like Ellie's references to our own world jarred with the story a bit too much, e.g. where she talks about never being in a jungle, and where she talks about her old gym teacher.
As to the description of the T-rex, could you tell us more about how it was different? For example, does it have t-rex arms?
Also, about the journey on the road through worlds, give us more description here! Take at least one or two of the more interesting worlds and give us a real feel for them. After that, you can slide through most if not all of them, but you are missing an awesome opportunity to show off your world(s).
About Riddick, he can pick up two 150 lb barrels under his
arms? Is he super human too? If he can carry that much weight, have him at least grunt and appear strained.
There were a few lines that should have been thoughts, e.g. "do they make eight by eights?" Ellie is asking herself this question, so it should be a thought.
I was also curious about Roddick getting into scarface's face. Did he all of the sudden grow a backbone? He's never been brave/manly/tough before. It's okay if he is--he's still new--but you might have Ellie react to this new character development with surprise or maybe interest or even with just acknowledgment.
There were also a few points where I wasn't sure who was talking. A lot of the time you will have someone talking and end their paragraph with a quotation mark, only they are still talking in the next paragraph. It will help your reader if you leave the quotation mark off to indicate that they aren't done yet. There was also one time where you said,
"Wait," Roddick said, grabbing my arm again.
"Lady Ellie wants only to . . ."
This was the same sort of thing. I wasn't sure who was talking, but it turned out it was still Roddick.
Anyway, I still like the story, and I still like the pacing. Sometimes it is very okay if the plot takes awhile to develop. For example, the first book of The First Law trilogy is almost entirely setup, and yet the setup and characters are so interesting in and of itself that the reader can't put it down. Your setup is interesting, and so are your characters, but you are going to have to be extra good at doing both if the plot will be moving slowly.
