42's Therapy Thread

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

or marry the girl they took to Sr. Prom...

[stacer]

The same boy that took me to his senior prom took me to mine three years later. We're still friends to this day, twelve years after we broke up (we dated a total of 4 years, almost to the day), but I'm really glad I didn't marry him. I didn't know who I was back then, and we've turned out to be very different people. Plus, he was not LDS, which was the biggest thing. But he's still very much a small town guy--even though he left our hometown, went to college, is an engineer, he's never lived outside Illinois.

Even though I mourn the loss of that lifestyle, and how it's put me in big city after big city, I know that I'm happy where I am and he's happy where he is. I always say I chose the wrong profession, because it didn't allow me to choose a lifestyle like his, but when I look around at all that I love to do in my life, I know that's lying to myself in a way. I've become a City Girl! Augh!  

On the other hand, my sister married the boy who took her to her senior prom (she started dating him the same spring I started dating Tim), and they've been married 9 years and have a 3 year old. But the cost to her was her faith; he's Methodist.

I envy that high-school sweetheart thing, but for me personally, despite the frustrations of being single in a family-oriented church, I'm having a blast with the life I've been given.

[fuzzyoctopus]

I didn't go to my senior prom; but after I got married I had a dream that my husband took my to my senior prom, and it was a very nice cathartic kind of dream that actually fits in very well with a thread about therapy.

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

Yeah, I didn't go either. Of course, I was more closed off from women back in my high school days.

[EUOL]

What's this 'prom' thing you speak of?

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

this can go in a therapy thread:

I married the girl I took to prom, but not hte girl I intended to take to Prom. (Naturally, given hindsight, I'm very happy with how it worked out). Kirsti went to a different high school, and i asked her to HER Prom, and I would then take another girl to MY prom. THen I find out they were on the same night. Then I find out that my best friend, who I'm doubling with, has asked the girl I wanted to take to prom. Yeah, that was a fun night.

[42]

So I agree that you can't go through life all on your own. However, it seems like every woman therapist and/or woman in general seems to think that the solution to all my problems is to find the right girl and get married. Why is that?

Sure, there are many emotional benefits of being happily married, but I doubt it is the cure for all woes as so many women make it out to be. Okay that's just a little rant on my part.

One of the good things about having depression and going through therapy is it has made me realize that there are many people out their who would just not be right for me. I'm kind of partial to the damsel in distress type (what guy doesn't from time to time), but after therapy I've come to acknowledge that I really need more of the strong, supportive type. So when I start dating again (sometime after the Khitomer Accord) I have a better idea of what to look for.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

So I agree that you can't go through life all on your own. However, it seems like every woman therapist and/or woman in general seems to think that the solution to all my problems is to find the right girl and get married. Why is that?

!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, no.

I don't think marriage solves any problems. It creates a whole new set of problems. It provides a wealth of opportunities. It brings a lot of joy. But I don't know of a single problem being married has solved. Except knowing you have a date (assuming common mood).

However, beign prepared to marry wisely and be committed to the relationship, that helps with a lot of problems. It shows a lot of maturity. It'll make you capable of dealing with problems. But that's preparing YOURSELF for something. The act of getting married or the state of being married won't solve anything.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

gotta say Saint that was a crappy prom, for you, Rob and me... and I went to three more after that one... by the way they get better....
Hey you went with the best girl at the time even if Libby was hotter. Too bad we were to blind to see it then...

oh and the best thing I ever learned in life I learned at that prom...
the good thing about being in the gutter is that you cant be a speedbump.

[EUOL]

Nicely said, SE.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

heh, I'd forgotten I'd said that, Jeffe.

I don't know if I thought Libby was hotter. I was just mroe smitten, partially because she was less reachable and partially because I had more contact with her. Yeah, I'm glad for how it worked out. I think Libby would have killed me if I didn't just resent her eventually.

[stacer]

but after therapy I've come to acknowledge that I really need more of the strong, supportive type. So when I start dating again (sometime after the Khitomer Accord) I have a better idea of what to look for.

The thing is, you both need to be the strong, supportive type in any marriage, I think, at some point. You can't be constantly saving her, and she can't be constantly mothering you--it has to be an equally yoked relationship, so to speak. So I agree with Saint--when you've prepared yourself, find someone who has prepared herself, too.

[fuzzyoctopus]

that's the ideal, stacer, but I doubt it's the reality.  Yes, you both have to support each other, but it's never done in equal amounts.

[Lieutenant Kije]

you both have to support each other, but it's never done in equal amounts

I'm glad my wife and I are not keeping close track of who's supporting who and how much.  It would seem too much like accounting.

[stacer]

Nonono, that's not what I meant. I just meant that in a marriage, you each have down times, in which the other one is the strong one, and it fluctuates, and probably depends on each person's weaknesses and strengths. Not that you keep track of it or anything. And sometimes you're both weak, and sometimes you're both strong. And I do mean ideally, but aren't we all reaching for the ideal?

And this coming from the only single one besides 42 sounding off about this, but I'm hoping you understand what I mean. In my most functional friendships, this happens--if I'm having a trying time, my friends are there to support me, and vice versa. And when I'm having a great time, my friends are there to celebrate with me.