(Instead of being fired, your balefired)
See, that's awesome. There will have only been one entrant in the competition by the time it's over.
A group of elite warriors appeared out of nowhere today on Almoth Plain, all of them wearing Dragon Skin and using power-wrought firearms. A witness claims to have seen Miss Universe runner-up Brigitte Silverrifle and wheelchair-bound genius Steven Hawking attacking the occupying Sanchean army. Lady Morsa, a Sanchean herself, sent out the following message in a bottle before boarding her plane and scampering off with the rest of the Sancheans.
"It was horrible! They were everywhere! And unlike normal soldiers, who are usually bright and clever and fun to be around, these so-called Heroes of the Horn with their beady little eyes and sharp teeth, bore down on us like fierce sharks in a feeding frenzy of blood!"
Geofram Bornhald and the Whitecloak army that appeared just days before these events were almost completely destroyed. Dain Bornhald, Geofram's son is the only known survivor.
"The Children now have proof that the Aes Sedai are behind all of these wars and the appearance of the Sanchean. I saw those Tar Valon witches blow up all of my friends. I won't forget this, unless I run into that yellow eyed dude who embarrassed me last book. I hate that guy."
Bornhald seems to be suffering from idiocy, a mental condition common to many Whitecloaks
Madness and drug abuse seem to be the leading causes of the inaccuracy and discrepancies between different witnesses. Bayle Domon, the owner of a shady shipping company, claims to have seen Michael the Archangel and Gaidal Cain the Accursed fighting side-by-side in the mysterious military unit.
"Well, there did be Michael, radiant as the sun, and next to him were Cain the Destroyer, shooting everything that moved with his Desert Eagles. It did be totally rad."
Perhaps in time, non-batshit witnesses will come forward. Meanwhile, Reports of an Aiel and the devil having a ten-pace shootout in the sky above a fog-shrouded Toman Head continue to pour in, and I <3 Heroes of the Horn shirts and other commemorative memorabilia have caused an immediate and dramatic upturn in Falme's economy.