Creative Ways to Kill a Character

[Bookstore Guy]

The most sure way is exposing a person to a novel written by Terry Goodkind and/or Dan Brown.  I lost a relative to that virus.

[guessingo]

have a character read a book by an author you really don't like, then have it destroy so many of his brain cells that he dies.

[Recovering_Cynic]

Guessingo, you just copied Bookstoreguy's method.

I recall reading about a particularly nasty method involving your victim swallowing a rope with a ball of rags on the end (at least I think they were rags).  When the rags hit the stomach, they expand, and you can then remove their digestive system by pulling back out through their mouths . . .

[sortitus]

Would that actually work?

[Bookstore Guy]

It seemed to work fine last night...

[Valkynphyre]

Make him drink Mountain Dew and Only Mountain Dew until he dies (4 Liters a Day). No Food either. This may take up to six weeks.

Displeasure of the gods-- immortality and unending pain. Forever.

Evil Squirrels eat him. 14 minutes.

Llama Stampede. 17 minutes.

False conviction. Depends on era- 7 minutes to 37 years.

Evil Zombie Squirrels Eat him. 23 minutes.

Self-Vampirism. 1-8 hours.

Evil Ninja Squirrels Eat him. .869 seconds.

Drown him in beer. 2-3,678 minutes, depending on how well they swim.

Falling Bricks. 12hrs-72 years.

Drawn and Quartered by Motorcycles. 7-48 minutes

Strap him to a wall, with eyelids stapled open, speakers right by his ears watching Dora the Explorer until his brain implodes. 2-3 hours.

Yeah, that's just a few off the top of my head.

[Silk]

Valkynphyre: It worries me that you have numbers for these.

Incidentally?

Strap him to a wall, with eyelids stapled open, speakers right by his ears watching Dora the Explorer until his brain implodes. 2-3 hours.

No one deserves that.

NO ONE.

Just the thought has triggered my PTDtED (post-traumatic Dora the Explorer Disorder). I'm going to go sob into a corner until I feel I can function as a human being again.

[ryos]

I'd take Dora over Barney any day of the week.

[ErikHolmes]

Damn, I have to get in on this thread.

How about:

Toss your victim into a bathtub of lye (the chemical Ed Norton burned his hand with in Fight Club). I really can't think of a worse way to go then that.

Ok, maybe pouring honey on someone and leaving them tied up near an ant hill would be as bad.

I actually just got stung in the neck by a bee last night. So tossing someone in a locked room, then tossing in a bee hive would suck too I'm sure.

Lowering someone into a tank filled with flesh eating fish would be a good way too. Not Piranhas, something smaller that would take longer.

Feeding someone feet first into a wood chipper or plastic shredder isn't pretty. I still remember that scene from the movie Downtown.

I think one method of making a Witch confess was stacking rocks on them, slowly adding more rocks to the pile on top of the person over the course of several days.

Damn, I need help.

[rasen]

Two words: Human Centipede

[Liadan]

I'm with ErikHolmes... I just can't not contribute...

Have a swinging axe wired to the Dow Jones Index... When the market falls, the axe falls, if the market rises, the axe stays stationary... The way the US Stock Markets plummet on the smallest things your character would be dead in no time...

have your character become a slave who is put to work basically walking on a water wheel on land to turn it. After doing this for several months 16+ hours a day, with little food & water, your character becomes exhausted and slips being drug under the wheel and cut into pieces...

Your character is tied to a table. A stack of bricks is placed covering the body from head to toe, not putting too much weight on your character... Then a fire is built on the bricks and he is burnt to death by way of the heat transferred through the bricks onto his body...

the overused but ever amusing, step into a street and get hit by a bus out of nowhere....

Trampled by a horse causing a coma and subsequent death

lose control on a motorcycle going down a hill, hitting the barrier and being thrown over a overpass onto jagged rocks 15 feet below on the side of another road...

being caught in the undertow of a river/ocean and tiring before you can get out and drowning...

catching ghonnasyphlaherpalaids and dieing a very slow and painful death with seeping flesh wounds...

I think I'll stop before my morbid side shows too much more...

[Recovering_Cynic]

Two words: Human Centipede

I am so horrifyingly confused.

[rasen]

I am so horrifyingly confused.

Ha yeah, not my idea. I don't think my brain can even go to those places.  It comes from some beyond disturbing movie trailer I saw, where a retired surgeon decides he wants to connect people by their gastric system to create a...human centipede.   Got a link to the trailer if you wish to see it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0piFZXT8Zxo

So you know, I'm not saying this is movie magic.  ugh.

.

[Recovering_Cynic]

I had heard of that movie before, and saw a teaser once, but since I didn't have any interest, I looked no further.  Now that I know what it's actually about . . . wow.  Just . . . wow.  Words cannot describe how I feel about that film.  I think I'll take a 'pass' on that particular cinematic masterpiece.

[Dr. Gester Ghost]

I like the frog in the boiling pot idea. You put your character in a darkened room. He's alone and scare and the temperature is risen ever so slightly over the coarse of days. Their organs start to cook and they don't know until they die.
Also, you can go Jigsaw on your character and make them kill themselves. I have a weird fetish for killing someone (in fiction) without them knowing it, so I'd lock someone in a room filled with thousands of jars with thousands of keys. In one of the jars, is the key to the door. In several others, a flesh eating virus.