16 March 2009 - Sea of Sand - part 1

[Renoard]

I'm late on this one, so I think most things have been covered.

I got the sense that the her loading crane was a powered machine.  I didn't know how it was powered and it didn't seem necessary to the story for me to know.  I can see you are laying a foundation for her to be a little too loose lipped around priests.  She seems to be trying to convince herself that she doesn't believe their teachings, but they throw her.  I can see where this ties in later.

The only negative that I would bring up this late in the game, is that the Left-Right decision is vague and a little ambivelent.  It looks like it could be an attempt to use chance to weed out those whom the god doesn't want on the journey.  But it was also evocative of the debarkation lines at Auschwitz without really punching it enough to have an emotional impact.