Yessss!! I finally got a chance to read it, and boy was it worth it. Your writing was great as always.
It wasn't an issue in the first chapter, but now I am starting to wonder how these people heard of the Seven Islands in the first place. 1) its a big sea. How did the rumors make it across? and 2) you would think the fact that they are floating in the sky would be one of the first things people would talk about.
There was a bit of confusion when Aric is visiting the Admiral. At first we had assumed Aric was the highest-ranking officer in the fleet, but then it says he strode in when he was called? Then later we find out that actually Aric is the highest ranking officer. I would just take out the "when he was called" bit.
Laudney seems like a fully realized character with his own personality. I like it. Also, I'm interested in this guy's agenda.
I was a little confused. Laudney calls Aric a seasoned warlord, but then later on Aric says there was no question who was more experienced, meaning Laudney. I think there might be a bit of confusion on Aric's background. Is he experienced or not?
Before them, on the burning edge of the horizon, the final sliver of the sun set, bathing the world in thick, violet darkness. Aric shivered.
Amazing descriptions and imagery! I love it!
You might want to consider giving your ships more religious-sounding names.
The Legendary Inferno is cool, I guess, but it doesn't really say anything about the culture or the people that built it. Except that maybe they like legends. Just a thought.
And while we are talking about ships, I just want to warn you. You should probably do a
lot of research on ships and sailing. I recently read
Red Seas Under Red Skies by Scott Lynch and he did copious amounts of research on ships for that. I wouldn't be surprised if he actually went out of the house and talked with real-life rope-and-canvas sailors. Obviously you don't have to do that but you should consider adding in some nautical terms somewhere along the line. Also it might give you some opportunities for conflict that you wouldn't have had if you didn't research.
Very nice scene when Aric is underwater, btw. Its something where it could easily be very confusing to describe, but you talked us through it nice and easy without losing any of the urgency or confusion that Aric was actually feeling. Nice.
Great manuscript over all. You had a few typos but other than that it was remarkably clean. The story is moving along nicely and you've given us more glimpses into Aric's character, especially with the underwater scene, great job btw. Thanks for sharing!
