Dec 15 - Queen'sOpal - Part 1

[Frog]

I wish I was that good...
Anyway, basically a drow is a dark/demonic version/sub race of elves. Mine are a bit different then the forgotten realms version, so they are eventually throughly explained. For now, I'm just hoping you get from the reading that they are evil and scary and we don't like them without necessarily being into those aforementioned series. How'd I do?

[Reaves]

I definitely didn't get the idea that they were demonic or evil. I remember something about the Drow war, but if i recall correctly the evil life-stealing wizard fought against them. So I don't really know enough about them to make a judgment.

[Chaos]

Conversely, I knew the drow were demons. They were often referred to as such, especially in the prologue.

[Frog]

Hmmm...well I'll keep banging my head on the keyboard and see if I can come up with anything to make it clearer... other than putting on  a footnote that says "drow are demons", because that's just lame. If anyone is still wondering why I prefer to use established races...you may have found your answer. I just don't want to have to explain every detail from the get go. That's why I wrote a whole 500 something pages of stuff after the prologue. But it is all part of the process, and for some reason, I still enjoy it, so thank you!

[Silk]

That's one of the biggest benefits of using established races, yes, as far as I'm concerned.

Just a point of interest, though. Chaos said that he knew the drow were demons, because drow are constantly referred to that way - but Chaos, you're familiar with drow already, yes? If that association hadn't been there, would you have read "drow are demons" or "certain, potentially unreliable narrator/character thinks drow are demons"?

If I'd read "drow are demons" without the association to the evil Forgotten Realms race, I might not have assumed that this was actually the case. People's perspectives are too skewed to take stuff like that at face value. Even in fiction.

[Reaves]

Actually whenever demons were mentioned I assumed it was referring to the elves, that Garrad hated them because of some type of religious or racial prejudice, not because some of them actually were demons 

[Chaos]

That's one of the biggest benefits of using established races, yes, as far as I'm concerned.

Just a point of interest, though. Chaos said that he knew the drow were demons, because drow are constantly referred to that way - but Chaos, you're familiar with drow already, yes? If that association hadn't been there, would you have read "drow are demons" or "certain, potentially unreliable narrator/character thinks drow are demons"?

If I'd read "drow are demons" without the association to the evil Forgotten Realms race, I might not have assumed that this was actually the case. People's perspectives are too skewed to take stuff like that at face value. Even in fiction.

Actually, not at all. I had no idea what the drow were, nor do I have any knowledge of Forgotten Realms at all.

Maybe it's just because in my novel, I take the word "demon" very, very seriously. And literally, too. When an author names some race to be demons, they better be vicious and worth the title, hopefully doing some unspeakable acts to warrant such a title. Since it's really important to my writing to take the word "demon" seriously, I just, you know, take demons really seriously. Because--let's face it--demons are just cool to write about.

Frog, hopefully there will be a point where we get to see how badass the drow are, so that they are really up to demon snuff As it stands right now, I thought it was really clear that the drow were demons. But that could just be me and my obsession with cool villains/organizations of evil.  I thought this quote made it pretty clear that the drow and the elves were different entities:

He could never forgive the drow.
He could never forgive the elves.

In fact... I was kind of hoping they would be way more villainous than just a subrace of elves... I thought they would be way more awesome than that. You know, real demons. Because demons are cool.

[Frog]

I think my biggest obsticle at this point is that while Vernack is very careful to seperate the drow/demons and elves/Elbans, Garrad is more than happy to string them together. Which is a character thing that I don't think I want to change. I guess I was holding out hope that by the time you get to Drynn in chapter 1, and he thinks about the 'dark skinned demons of the Drow War that are only in stories,' that it would be clear enough... oh well. There will be other oppertunities, especially when they appear in about 100 pages and start causing havok . Hopefully they won't disappoint (thanks for the added pressure Chaos! )
I wonder if we'll still be around by then. It doesn't seem that far away in my ms, but when you start breaking it down into RE approved chunks...well it may take awhile.

[Chaos]

They better be vicious

Hmmm... you know, it's not really clear that Chapter One occurs a long time after the Prologue. I mean, I kind of got that notion, but since (as the consensus stands) people seem to like Vernack a lot more than Drynn, it could be a good idea to really drive home the notion that there is a long time between the two periods. That way, readers don't really get sad when we don't see Vernack or Garrad for a long time.

[Frog]

Oh, that's something I already changed after reading a previous post. This is how it reads now:
"Human lives were short. The years passed and Vernack had many different companions, but the barrier remained even when its original purpose was forgotten. Vernack’s current companion (a pleasure seeking alcoholic and the King of Kalum) was convinced that elves were faceless spirits and fairies that drunks and simpletons liked to blame when they got turned around in the forest. And Vernack wasn’t about to correct him."
Any better? Overboard or not enough? because my next jump would be saying "over two thousand years later" and that sounds as lame as the footnote idea...at least to me.
I'm hoping you also get from that that Garrad will not be coming back (at least outside of flashback mode) because he is well...dead. Very dead. But there will be plenty of evil and not so evil wizards to take his place and Vernack is still going strong, trying to whip them all into shape (No one pities his fate more than me).
I'm also thinking of sending out my 1st chp again once we decide when the next round is to see if I am showing Drynn any better or if I should just shut up and get on to the other characters before I lose my whole audience with my lame MC (I love Drynn, but I can see why it may take awhile for you guys to feel the same), but if I do, it will be with the 2nd chp instead of the Prologue, because it's tiny and besides little things like that, I didn't change the Prologue that much.
Oh, and speaking of which, do you think it is okay that I'm still in past tense when I talk about Vernack's current companion and the sentence after it, or should I switch into present tense (use 'is' instead of 'was')? Any opinions on that?

[Silk]

I think you'd be fine staying in past tense. If you really wanted to get across the "a long time has passed" you could say "centuries" instead of "years". I fully condone avoiding the "2000 years later" line, though.

Also, I'd lose the parantheses around the clause about the King of Kalum and just make them commas. The brackets seem kind of unnecessary.

</nitpick>

Oh. I'm also wondering about how Vernack chooses his companions or is chosen by them, since he either makes a lot of unfortunate choices or has a lot of them made for them. Not something I need to know right now by any means, but if Vernack makes another appearance, you'll probably want to let your audience in on that.

Okay, so maybe I wasn't quite done... I am now though. Really.

[Frog]

Actually, it is commas in my ms, but somehow they got turned into brackets while I was putting it on here for some reason.... Which is why I'm not a secretary.
Oh, and eventually you do get the 200o years later...I just am being stubborn about putting it in the narration. As long as you get a generational gap feel, I would be satisfied for now.
I'm glad you want to know those kind of things about Vernack. It means I have an semi-interesting subject and since I already have it explained later in my ms, I get to play the evil author and not tell you.   
Thank you!

[little wilson]

You may play the part of the evil author and not tell them....but I could play the part of the even more devious reader, and spill all I know about the book....But I won't. I probably wouldn't ever get more of QH if I did that....And since I'm very curious how a certain recently crazy character is going to fare in that book.....well. Let's just say I won't mess up my chance to read it.

I will say, though, that Vernack IS coming back...I like Vernack. Vernack is cool. And his new companion is even better....

[Frog]

You do realize your playing a very dangerous game... I could take a leaf out of a SM's book and throw a hissy fit where I decide not to finish the books (sorry if there is any Twilight lovers in the audience), and  start killing off your favorite characters in unsatisfying ways like atomic detonations in a fantasy book (it helps since you already told me who they are, including the 'recently crazy' and Vernack's new companion)  along with denying you your exclusive access... oh the possibilities are endless....

[little wilson]

Except you already knew that both of them were my favorites. I've told you numerous times in e-mails....But I also like Drynn.....I think I'd like to see you kill your MC in an atomic detonation (not really...but I would like to see how you go about accomplishing it ).

And it's funny that you should mention Smeyer, because when I said that I could spill all I know about the book, that was pretty much exactly what I thought of. And if you even TRIED to pull a Smeyer, I'm not entirely sure that I would ever talk to you again....I hate that woman. More than I can possibly put words to. But you already know that because you read my insanely long note about Twilight on Facebook....But I digress.

Anyway. Back to QO. You don't have to kill off the "recently crazy" person. Remember? You made the person 'crazy.' I think that's bad enough. You know what I mean. I do not like the 'craziness' that is currently afflicting said character. It makes me sad  .....And you would never kill of Vernack's new companion. At least not to get back at me. You'd be punishing other readers too much, cuz I know I'm not the only one who likes him....Plus you said that you don't like killing characters. Need I remind you of Aaron?