Author Topic: Novel idea needs some guidance  (Read 2581 times)

Renkar

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Novel idea needs some guidance
« on: August 16, 2008, 03:40:53 AM »
   I have been kicking around this idea for a few months now.  I have quite a bit of world building done, but need some feedback.  Afraid maybe too cliche or is something that has already been done. 

   First the setting is a newly established Empire based on family-line rule, very Egyptian God-king like.  The ruling family has been in power for about 500 years, but has just consolidated power about 10 years ago over the western half continent with the invasion of the country that the series starts in.   The continent is split in two by a jungle that has never been crossed.  The Empire has controlled and manipulated history since taking power, so much of the history that is known by the public at large is skewed as is the knowledge of what is currently happening.  The people are somewhat free, but only nobles own property(land).  Nobles are only ones who  can use magic.  If a peasant manifests a magical power he is bought off and made a very minor noble subservient to a higher noble with better lineage or he is killed.
 
   There is no hero of legend or prophecy of a chosen one.  IMHO, already done by far too many, far better than I.  Also there really isn't any big bad except for the evil of the human heart\mind.  The whole power\position corrupts theme.

   Our heroes are part of a resistance movement looking to start a revolution that will overthrow regime.   The cell the story focuses on, there are many different cells located throughout the Empire, include a father and daughter, a former soldier of the empire who has walked away from the military b\c does not agree with philosophy of the ruling class.  One member of another larger humanish race called the Vansyr, which have been used as slave labor b\c of their size, and for other reasons that wont be revealed now.  There will be others that come and go, but that is the many core and the main POV characters aside from the Emperor and maybe a few key bad guys don't know exactly yet.  Their methods are pretty debatable as to the right and wrong.   Resistances has just some pretty basic tenants, but the method of following them are open for debate amongst cell members.

     The magic system is based on Elements of fire, earth, wind, and water.  (I know very cliche)  however, magic is used only through a focus object which is created through meditation, i.e a ring, etc. nothing bigger than a bracer, and wielding of  the magic requires physical contact with the focus object.  Each Elemental(working name for magic users) is gifted what I am calling the users "Elemental Gift" which is a weapon formed by the elements. The Elemental senses this gift after they manifest their powers and they must traverse the "trials" which are designed to lead the user toward their destiny.  The trials are different for each user as is the type of weapon their gift will take.  The weapon is the main source of magical power.  Magic is limited and personal. (sometimes the right pressure exerted at the right time will have large consequences is another general theme)
    The Elementals are broke down into five types.  Some only use one power, which have specific attributes and then one type that uses all four powers, however they are not as strong in any of the four powers as someone who uses only one power.  each weapon has a name and seems to have a personality but is not really alive, more like a sensation.

   I think that wraps it up with out giving away too much plot and story.  Does it sound like a path i should explore further?  Does it sound like something you might pick up and read or does it at least peek any interest.  Does it sound too video gamey?  Any suggestions, critiques?  Too much cliche?  Feel free to hammer away.  Have a few very rough chapters in need of editing and a lot of outline that i will pass along if you email me (See my profile). 

« Last Edit: August 16, 2008, 04:28:52 AM by Renkar »

Necroben

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #1 on: August 16, 2008, 06:06:59 AM »
So far it sounds good, but Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn uses the Rebles overthrowing the gov't theme.  That and it sounds alot like Star Wars also.

First the setting is a newly established Empire based on family-line rule, very Egyptian God-king like.  The ruling family has been in power for about 500 years, but has just consolidated power about 10 years ago over the western half continent with the invasion of the country that the series starts in.

What about overthrowing the Priesthood?  Overthrowing the conquered territory only?  Assasination of God-King?  Replace God-King with a God/Goddess: work-for-hire?  All of the above?

Hope it helps!
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Renkar

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2008, 03:44:21 PM »
i know it has a little star wars, mistborn type feel, but I am really trying to use that as a vehicle to show that position and\or power will corrupt.  Plus right now the book I am writing will focus on the freeing of the conquered territory with an eye toward the complete revolution.  Of course, who said the resistance would win in the end.  Don't really know yet.   What about the magic system?

Reaves

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #3 on: August 16, 2008, 03:54:22 PM »
i like the idea of a small item being a type of focus for the power but i agree the Elemental powers are rather cliche. From my impression of what you said the magic is not be-all and end-all (doesn't gift you godlike power). I like that.
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Skar

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #4 on: August 16, 2008, 11:15:43 PM »
The  'most people have one of the elemental powers' / 'some people have all' with nothing in between, sounds a lot like Mistborn.  I think it would be interesting to play around with different combinations.  Some could have all, some could have two, some three, and which two or three or whatever manifest together really makes a difference in how you use them.

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Renkar

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #5 on: August 17, 2008, 03:39:06 AM »
I was afraid that it would sound too much like MB.  (Guess when you read something good it is hard to put out of your head.) 

     Okay, after thinking more about this, and to paraphrase Chris Knight, in the midst of committing literary hari kari (Sp?) this came to mind.  What about a system where all users are able to use all parts of the magic, but there is a dominant power\trait which is then augmented by the other recessive powers.  then you also have some who have no dominate power, just recessive which allows the recessive user to mimic a dominant user based on some feat of mental gymnastics, which I have not worked out yet.  Each type of user is identified by eye color, which is, I believe, a trait determined by genetic dominate\recessive traits, so i feel it fits well.  the mimic's eye color could be black, but when aping a dominant the eye color could reflect a tinge of that eye color. 
« Last Edit: August 17, 2008, 03:06:29 PM by Renkar »

Necroben

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2008, 03:04:03 AM »
I like the traits and eye color idea, but for the mimic, it sounds like Wheel of Time.  What about one power per person, showing the interplay beteen powers: Fire vs. Water, Air vs. Earth?  and maybe a difficulte combining of the four?  with the limit set at four and power infulincing personality; it would be a great way to show conflict and limit the magic sys at the same time.
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Eudaimoniac

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2008, 06:27:00 PM »
As to the magic-system:

I really like the eye-color idea. But you could just let people manifest a general magic and then let the training and thus focusing determine what way they go. So when you start your training maybe your eyes are completely white (a visual proof of magic) and after a basic course in magic, hey choose just 3 elements to focus on for a year, then 2 for another year then 1 or 2 years solely on one. So with any other tool or trade, you simply become most proficient with what you train the most.

As to the family-rule:

Gleaned from history-books i was supposed to read in school i believe that if you choose to have had a family rule a kingdom for 5 centuries, you would have to give a very good reason. It does not have to magical, or mysterious, but the reader should be given a reason as to why no-one has taken that power for them selves. Why has the general public not rebelled against the fact that they cannot own land. Why has the other nobles not tried to overthrow the ruling family. And on another note - why do they raise the people with magic to a status of noble instead of just making them 'disappear'.

Just a few thoughts...

Renkar

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2008, 09:07:14 PM »
First off, thank you to everyone for their help.  I am assimilating some suggestions and forging new paths in regards to suggestions that opened the flood gate in my mind.

  As to Eudalmoniac's questions.  Some users are disappeared if they are not going along with the program, this is dealt with through a planned story\character arc.

I am still tinkering with the government dynamics. Propaganda, status quo, loyalty reward, ego kinda all swarm together to make a very tedious power structure.  Plus, a little regal intrigue is at play here, like that found in those history books.  Having a history degree kinda helps with that, and I thought after I got done those books would just gather dust.  :P
 

Eudaimoniac

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2008, 12:40:07 AM »
Hehe... actually having read some of those history books might have helped :)

But on the sparse details you have got here, i can lead to something good. There really isn't enough to do any in-depth analysis so your guess is as good as mine. Try posting a first chapter or some more detailed descriptions (and be sure to clarify what the reader gets told when) then it would be easier to say anything about it.

What you have posted so far could just be a quick brainstorm that never evolves to a real story, or it could be great...

Renkar

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2008, 02:30:21 AM »
I have a prologue done, but the dialogue needs to be re-worked and i have a few very rough drafts of other chapters that are about half finished.  If you are interested I can e-mail it to you.  Don't know if I want to post it for everyone in the world right now.

I know I have been sparse with details, don't want to give it all away before it is done. hehe

Eudaimoniac

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Re: Novel idea needs some guidance
« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2008, 07:43:52 AM »
Okay. I'd love to read the prologue and the first chapter. Just send it when you have written them and i will give my thoughts on them. :)

Can you get to my mail-address through this forum ? I have quite some bad experience in writing it in forums...