Your new name according to the evil Professor in Captain Underpants

[Nessa]

The following in an excerpt from a children's book, "Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey. The evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...

Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = poopsie b = lumpy c = buttercup
d = gadget e = crusty f = greasy
g = fluffy h = cheeseball
i = chim-chim
j = stinky k = flunky l = bootie
m = pinky n = zippy o = goober
p = doofus q = slimy r = loopy
s = snotty t = tootie u = dorkey
v = squeezit w = oprah x = skipper
y = dinky z = zsa-zsa

Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = apple b = toilet c = giggle
d = burger e = girdle f = barf
g = lizard h = waffle i = cootie
j = monkey k = potty l = liver
m = banana n = rhino o = bubble
p = hamster q = toad r =gizzard
s = pizza t = gerbil u = chicken
v = pickle w = chuckle x = tofu
y = gorilla z = stinker

Use the fourth letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = head b = mouth c = face
d = nose e = tush f = breath
g = pants h = shorts i = lips
j = honker k = butt l = brain
m = tushie n = biscuits o = hiney
p = chunks q = toes r = buns
s = fanny t = sniffer u =sprinkles
v = kisser w = squirt x =humperdinck
y = brains z = juice

[Nessa]

<--Zippy Wafflelips

[Tink]

Bootie Girdletush.

[pengwenn]

Crusty Gizzardface

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

what if your first name is Jo? or your last name something like Tye? Does this make you immune to his power?

I'm Loopy Waffletush, by the way.

[Sigyn]

Dinky Bubbletush

[WriterDan]

Zippy Banana-sniffer.

This is great.  Don't know if I much care for the name of the book it all came from, but the name changing thing is fun.

[Fellfrosch]

Zippy Girdlebrain. I imagine there are a lot of Zippies in the world--there are already three just on in this thread.

edit: I've decided that my favorite combination in the list is Cheeseball Wafflehonker. That would require your name to be --R* -h-j*.

So, um...Morgan works for the first name, and...Chujo? Fhiji? Thajmahal? I can't think of a typical American surname that could possibly produce Wafflehonker, which is sad.

[charity]

Poopsie Cootie-Fanny