My First 911 Call...

[Shrain]

So. Taking a sick day eventually led to calling the police. I was sorta in the wrong place at the right time. But it was ... disturbing all the same. In short, my neighbor's boyfriend decided to beat her up yesterday morning. He's always yelling/cussing at her or picking a fight. But this time was... different (though I'm sure that he's used her as a punching bag before). He seemed convinced that a friend/relative of hers had it out for him and had stolen his debit and credit cards. The fight started on Monday night, adjourned for the night, then started again Tue morning.

Becuase I felt crappy, I slept until 10:30 and decided to email my boss and just say I'd be taking a sick day. Unfortunately, my neighbors had just gotten up too. And M--- was working himself into a frenzy again. I was emailing my boss when I heard stuff crash to the ground. He was screaming about his bankcard, and I heard a few more things pushed to the floor--one of them was P---. The sound of fists on flesh made my empty stomach flop over and I started coughing again.

I scooped up my phone. I went to my door and unbolted it, then took three steps over to their apt. I rapped on the door three times, hard. “P---, M---, is everything okay in there?” I stepped back, ready to jump back into my apartment, and hoping he’d stop hitting her.

“Yeah,” he croaked. “Yeah, it’s okay. She just got a, uh, bad . . . phone call.”

Yeah, right. Anyhow, I retreated to my apartment, then called the police and gave my account. But when they got there, P--- just let her boyfriend feed the officers these lame excuses. (“I just went out for a smoke, and she tripped over this. See, it’s all broken. What do ya want from me?”) *sigh* But I did what I could.

My landlord is so awesome, though. After I phoned him, he spoke with the police (apparently, he's got a lot of cops for pals). Then he came by after work to meet with my neighbors. He even brought me some turkey soup from this deli (because he knew I was home sick). He told P--- that he rented the apt just to her and that the studio apt was so small it was too easy to "bump" into one another. So she'd have to go to M--- if she wanted to see him, because he wouldn't be allowed on the property any more. They decided to just move instead. Seems like all my call did was uproot the darkness so it could move on to another place. 

[Skar]

But bravo for doing something.  Being willing to act in such situations is getting rarer and rarer in our society.  Perhaps it will add to her feeling that other people think her BF is a jerk and someday enough such things will add up to an impulse to do something about her situation.

Well done.

[Shrain]

Thanks, Skar. Looking back on how I decided to go knock on their door, I realize it may've been kinda idiotic. Yet I just didn't know how long it would take the cops to get there. And I figured I could jump back into my apt quick enough if I needed to. Plus, I'm not usually home, so I hoped that the shock of hearing me come to the door would stop the insanity. whew. Anyhow, I was also worried about retaliation becuase I'm the only person who could've called. (Like some slashed tires or something). So far, so good, though.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

yeah, I wouldnt bet on him caring about you knocking on the door.

You did good kid, and have a good landlord who did a great CYA move for you.

[Aen Elderberry]

Perhaps it will add to her feeling that other people think her BF is a jerk and someday enough such things will add up to an impulse to do something about her situation.

I've heard it's not how she views her boyfriend, of course she knows he's a jerk, but how she feels about herself.  Does she feel like worthless trash that deserves that treatment?  Or does she feel like she's worth something and therefore won't put up abuse?

If she could just lose him in the move.  "Gee, which box did I put my boyfriend in?  I'm not ready to unpack him yet.  Just leave that box taped up."

[Skar]

Fine.  Perhaps she will think that other people value her enough to risk themselves by calling the cops on the BF.

[42]

Actually it's really good you called the police Shrain.

One of my teachers used to write policy for a center for Abused Women with Children. According to her, statistically in the U.S. most abused women return to their abuser 7-8 times at least. It also takes a major event to get these women to think about leaving their abuser. So getting forced to move and items like that help. Sadly she'll probably have to have many more, plus gain some self-esteem.

As for the abuser, it sound like the BF doesn't accept that he's doing anything wrong. He probably has had someone in his life who was very abusive. Getting forced into moving might shake him up a little. Not likely since he's probably made another excuse as to why he can do no wrong...but there is a small chance he might think about it.

[Shrain]

Yeah, Hauf, I think it has much more to do with how she views herself... I mean, she is in her mid-thirties and has three kids, yet their father has custody, which she says "is for the best" and that they "don't really need me." She's been working as a server since high school because, as she told me herself, that's all she's "cut out for."

But, yeah, Skar, it's regrettable that whatever concern I, the police, and our landlord showed didn't really "reach" her. And 42, even if she decides not to move, I don't know how long it'll be before she tries to sneak him back into the place--and I know my landlord won't be down with that. The other stupid thing is that it's not like his bank card and credit card were irreplaceable. But *she* on the other hand, is.

Well, on the positive side, though, guess what: my landlord permanently lowered my rent, knocking off $50/month. yay! Fifty bucks means a lot right now. But this sure isn't the way I would've chosen to get a break on rent. Life is so weird.

[stacer]

Still, that was very kind of him. Did he do that *because* of this?

[dawncawley]

Shrain, I can only imagine how you must be feeling, but you should look at the good points of the day. You did get him to stop hitting her right then, instead of maybe an hour or two later when she was in much worse shape. Also, you hopefully showed her that someone thinks that she is worth something and that it will reach her.Your landlord also took a stand that could give her the opportunity she needs to make a break from him, which she will hopefully think about taking him up on.

I hope tomorrow sees you feeling better, but remember that you did a good thing today

[Shrain]

Thanks, Dawn. I'm doing much better. No longer worrying whether the BF will come back and vandalize my car or something. My cough's mostly gone too. 

Yeah, Stacer, I've been really impressed with what a top-notch guy my landlord is. Really good family man too. And whenever I've had problems, he's fixed them fast. Like when the dryer coin slot got jammed he came that day--on a Sunday afternoon. When I asked him to clean out the onld A/C unit, he actually said that a brand new, remote-controlled one was on its way. whoohoo! Etc., etc.

Anyhow, I think this situation is ultimately what prompted him to lower it. He's always said he appreciates me being such a great tenant (rent on time, keeping my place clean and ant-free, watching out for problem behavior, etc.). But yesterday he just said how much he valued me being alert to that situation next door. Plus, he said how he wanted me to feel safe and hoped this would show that appreciation.