Fear and Doubt

[MsFish]

Can I just say, I blame this post entirely on EUOL.  He told me to.  So there.

I quit writing today.  For good.  Again.  

I'm just so frustrated.  I mean really, who am I to think that I can write?  Sure, I can write a story, no problem, but I'm acutely aware that there is a huge discrepancy between the way I write and the quality of writing that gets published.  I figure, I'm just not good enough, so why waste my time and everyone else's?  Leave writing to the people who can write, right?  

Am I totally alone in this?  I've quit so many times that people don't take me seriously anymore, but this time I think I really mean it.  (Although, EUOL said he'd hold my (his) fish for ransom if I quit; which is almost a persuasive argument.)  Maybe I just don't have the ego to be a writer.  I mean, it doesn't really matter how many people believe in me if I don't believe in myself.  

I don't mean to complain.  I think my running stream of "you can do it" self talk has run out, and I'm afraid I'm spending all this time working on something I'm not going to succeed at.  And that's scary.  

I'm going to stop now, you know, quit while I'm behind and all that.  

[fuzzyoctopus]

I do it a lot too.

[Archon]

I mean really, who am I to think that I can write?

Who is going to tell you that you cant write? If you think that you can write then nobody should be able to make you believe that you cant. You are you, you are the one who decides what you are going to do, you decide how good you think your writing is, and you are the one who has to live with yourself. If you abandon writing, you are the one who has to live with what happens because of it, not anyone else.

Sure, I can write a story, no problem, but I'm acutely aware that there is a huge discrepancy between the way I write and the quality of writing that gets published.

First of all, you have to enjoy writing. If you don't, then you should quit. If, however, you do, then the fact that you enjoy writing should be a good enough reason to continue. Also, if you are writing, you are learning about writing, and your writing will improve over time. Lastly, I hate to break it to you, but a lot of the writing that gets published is......not that great. A lot of the writing that gets published is terrible. There are surely great authors that write extremely well, Tolkien for example, but there are a lot more that are terrible.

I don't mean to complain.  I think my running stream of "you can do it" self talk has run out, and I'm afraid I'm spending all this time working on something I'm not going to succeed at.  And that's scary.  

It is scary to not know where you are going, or if you are going to succeed. I know the feeling, and it is not one that I am in a hurry to meet with again. You do have to be prepared to stumble at some things, and if you arent you are going to feel like that a lot more. If you keep at writing, you take the risk that you might not ever really make it, but there is also the chance that nearly everyone will like your book, and you will be rich, and you will be so happy because you are so proud of what you wrote. You have to know the risk you are taking, and if you do, then you have to be proud enough to not be ready to quit when something doesnt go right. It is really up to you.

[Fellfrosch]

There is no piece of writing so hoorible that it cannot get published under the right circumstances. I mean, look at Kevin Anderson.

[Skar]

I read Archon's reply and agree totally.  I would add some things.

Your goal in writing can't be to get published.  I'm not saying that getting published is selling out or that people who write can't want to get published.  But if it's you're only reason for writing then chances are no one wants to read what you're writing.  Which brings me to my next point.  You have to be arrogant to write.  The whole point of writing as opposed to just thinking is to preserve what you create.  Only arrogant people believe that what they think is worthy of preservation.

Finally, there is a difference between people who have specific stories they want to tell and people who want to tell stories.  The mechanics behind the writing of each type of writer is very different.  Which are you?

[stacer]

I've felt the way you have many times. In fact, I decided to become an editor because I felt I could do better at shaping something that's already written as opposed to writing my own original stuff. My creative writing classes at BYU were rather discouraging for my own long-term writing. I loved my class with Louise Plummer, but she also very obviously had her favorites and I wasn't one of them, so I left that class feeling like I had little potential.

Yet I still write, though I go for long spurts of not writing fiction. When I'm not writing fiction I'm writing in my journal, writing nonfiction articles freelance, writing letters to friends that involve long stories of all the things that are happening in my life--and even when I'm not writing, I have this storytelling bug that makes me want to come home to my roommates or call a friend and tell them the story of my crazy day, or how I met Cornelia Funke today, or whatever.

If you're like that, you'll find an outlet for that need, and if writing is an outlet you enjoy, you'll improve. Perhaps you may never be great. Perhaps you may never be published. But if you enjoy it, does it matter?

In a way, yes--because if you're doing it at the expense of making a living, you probably ought to pay rent and food etc. first. But if it's not interfering with your life, if in fact it's making your life more enjoyable, go with it.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

wait, back up.

no, you don't have to be arrogent. You do have to have confidence to do it professionally.

But that's not even important

Look, I've never read anything you've written but forum posts, but I can, with a high degree of certainty, say that you're right. You're not a very good writer.

Well DUH. Did you also think you could pick up the trumpet one day and that you could play like Louis Armstrong? Did you grab a brush one day and paint like Michelangelo? THAT'S the arrogent part. Or at least hte mislead part. THinking that you could start typing and bang out a masterpiece on your first try. Or your second. Or, in many cases, your 100th. (if you're 101st story still sucks, well, rethink the career path). (that was a joke).

this is practice time chica. you'll do a lot of crap, because without a huge dose of luck, crap is the best ANYONE can do when they start. So long as each successive crap is less crappy, you're on the right path.

[Mistress of Darkness]

I'm like stacer. I have this longstanding love-hate relationship with writing. After taking some creative writing classes and reading some books on writing, I've come up with these pieces of wisdom for myself.

1. I am not EUOL. But so what? He still thinks I'm cool (or, at least, he's really good at pretending).

2. Given that I am not EUOL, it's okay if I am not prolific and if my enthusiam about writing comes and goes.

3. Quantity will eventually become Quality. -- para. Ray Bradbury

4. When frustrated about my writing ability, or lack thereof, I will remember the above.

[MsFish]

Problem is, I'm a perfectionist.  If I don't have the time or ability to do something right, I figure I better leave it to someone who can do a better job than I can.  There are lots of things that I do have the time and ability to do it right, better stick with those, yes?  Forget the writing nonsense.

Who is going to tell you that you cant write? If you think that you can write then nobody should be able to make you believe that you cant.

Ah, see, there's the problem.  I'm the one telling me I can't, and in the end, it's probably only my voice that matters.  

First of all, you have to enjoy writing. If you don't, then you should quit.

 

I used to enjoy it.  I'm not sure what happened.  Maybe I just pushed myself too hard.  Maybe I'm not pushing myself hard enough.  Maybe reality is just setting in and I'm realizing that the dream is just that--a dream.  You have to wake up sometime.  

Your goal in writing can't be to get published.

I don't want to be published; I want to be read.  There's a fine line there.  I want to believe that I have something to say that would matter to someone else.  Maybe I do, maybe I don't.  Maybe I do but I'm just not good enough at saying it for it to matter whether I do or I don't.

Finally, there is a difference between people who have specific stories they want to tell and people who want to tell stories.  The mechanics behind the writing of each type of writer is very different.  Which are you?

I think I just like to tell stories.  Then again, I think there's one specific story I'm trying to tell, in a broader sense.  This isn't going to make sense, but I'm going to try to say it anyway--
The only story I have to tell is my own.  No matter what the current story I'm writing is about, its a piece of my experience, even if it's fantasy, even if its about things I've just dreamed up.  I write it down because it helps me, because it makes me feel like I have something to say, like I can make a contribution, to be good for something.  

This is sounding really negative.  I don't mean it to, it just hasn't been the greatest month.  *laughs at vast understatement*  My apologies.  I'll try to be happier next time.  

[Spriggan]

See I don't write or do other things (like bio-engneering, math, or gene manipulation) becasue I'm allready perfect at it, so why bother wasteing my time doing something I'm allready that good at?  Instead I like to focus on things I'm not good at (like spelling, programming, playing video games) since I can actualy improve at them.  You're not writeing becasue you're not good at it, yet you'll never get better if you don't actauly do it.  EUOL use to be pretty bad at writeing too (trust me, I'm his brother) and now look at him!  He's about 40% as good as I am, that's an improvement in my book.

Thing about being a writor, and trust me on this I've got publishers stalking me, is not careing about what you think about your work, but what other people think.  Look at Steven King, there's no way he can actualy like his own plots and stories, yet millions do.  It's those teeming millions that matter.

[42]

It sounds like the person telling you that you are not a good writer is you. And just what is good writing? The more I've hung around editors and writers the more I realize that good writing is like beauty. It's in the eye of the beholder. Sure there are some hard rules like spelling, and some guidelines like clarity, but after a point it's very subjective. I've been stuck in the middle of many editor disputes where one editor's idea of good writing didn't match up with another editors idea of good writing.

So it comes down to are you satisfied with your writing. This probably means you need to lose the perfectionism thing. Perfectionism is disease where you brain keeps telling you that unless you are perfect RIGHT NOW, then you are no good and can never hope to be any good. It's simply not true, and I think you know that. So I think it comes down to having some faith in yourself that you can accomplish what you set out to accomplish and that the end result will be appreciated by someone out there.

And a word about being rejected. Just try to keep in mind that people generally like what they know. It hurts to find out that people haven't had the same experiences and feelings that you have had. But it's worth keeping in mind that in all likely hood there are people out there who have. My adopted philosophy about writing and the arts in general, it that people create art to connect with other people. Course some people will choose not to connect with you and it's their loss, not yours.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Ms. Fish,

How DID you get good at things? That was my whole point. You used to suck at everything. But you worked on some things you enjoyed and got pretty good at them.

I'm totally serious here, but let me use an exaggerated example. I imagine you're a decent walker. You dont' fall down every third step, you can carry stuff while you do it, sometimes you may even do it in those high-heels which are so unbalancing.
Were you always this good? The first time you tried walking in your life, did you run a marathon? Or did you fall on your backside a lot. Probably you got frustrated a lot and even cried because you got hurt trying to do what all these people around you seemed to do without effort.

Writing is more difficult than walking. It takes a lot of skill and patience to learn how to say things the way you want them said. How are you going to do that? By leaving it to someone else? Nope. By writing stuff that won't come out the way you like it, then recognizing what elements of it weren't so good, and trying again. Once you do this ten thousand times you'll be better.

If you don't try new things, you'll never change. You'll be the exact same person you are right now, and that will be INCREDIBLY lame and boring. And don't tell me you don't try new things. Have you left fishes on people's door steps before? Don't you one day want to marry and have children? Those both have vastly more significant consequences than writing, and yet you'll make tons of mistakes. I'll bet you the world doesn't end when you do them.

[Skar]

42 had a very salient point.  Drop the perfectionism (easier said than done I'm sure)  Be confident (arrogant) enough to write and finish stuff that is not perfect and doesn't live up to your standards with the belief that you'll get better as you work at it.  You will.  I swear.

If you're really helped by writing then you've got no problems, that's reason enough to do it even if no one ever reads it.  If you want to be read, start sending your stuff around.  If you want help improving, then ask the people that read your stuff to talk to you about it.  

So in the end you must be arrogant enough to write the stuff down in the first place and humble enough to let other people see it even when you know it aint perfect.  Perhaps this is the confidence SE is talking about?

[House of Mustard]

You know, I often feel the same way you do.  Yes, I'm published, but I'm published in a little goofy market, and I doubt that, at my current skill level, I could get published nationally.  Often, I sit back and look at what I've written and think: "This is pure crap."

But what makes me keep going is that I've set deadlines for myself.  I write because I have to, not (often) because I want to.  And then, when I push myself--realizing that there's simply no time for self-doubt--the good stuff shows up.  If authors stopped writing just because they didn't think they were very good, I wonder if we'd have any books at all.

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

Ok, I won't even bother to understand what everyone else has said and just go from myself.

I'm only 19, self-suffice to say that there's nothing worse than what I write now. I have only the confidence that what I write from today, not yesterday or tomorrow, but anything I write today will be better than what I've written in the past.

I just keep reading to further understand what it is I do. I continue to write (or at least try to) so I can help further the advancement of others wanting to write.

Read Orson Scott Card's "How to Write Sci-Fi and Fantasy." You'll get a whole new perspective on writing and how it is it could be done. Or even so far as to say how it should be done.

All I know is that you should listen to what others have to say, take it as a grain of salt, but don't let go of that salt. Until you have enough salt, you'll understand how much of your own you should sprinkle upon yourself.

Lastely, participate in NaNoWriMo. You may not be able to finish it, you may not even get the greatest manuscript. But you will get something out of it. No matter what it may be, it will be something. Sure you may entirely and finalizingly stop writing for the rest of your days. But at one point you can look back and say that yes, you did have some fun.

So, buck up, look up, and just grab the air that the plants give you. Don't worry about the monoxide the cars make, or the noise a broken vent makes. But just do. Never do not.