Author Topic: I wrote a book. Please read one chapter.  (Read 1600 times)

Evgeniy Boikoff

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I wrote a book. Please read one chapter.
« on: January 16, 2006, 04:05:52 PM »
I wrote a book. Here is one part of it, the very first one. Please write what you think of it. I really need your opinion.




                                         Chapter one.


When in 1917 Russia was covered with revolution a lot of noble families had moved to the countries of Western Europe and to the USA. One of this families was a family of Krestovsky.
Just arriving in London. they bought a huge house at the most loxurious area, at the centre of the West-End.
The husband Krestovsky was nearly on elderly gentelmen. It was difficult for him to forget Russia. Howeever he learned something from English gentelmens. He had started drinking tea with milk, smoking pipes and eating omellete in the morning. while reading The Times.
Piotr Afanasievich(it was his name) was old but he was REALLY rich. He had one of the biggest properties in Russia and in England as well, where he had already managed to but a lot of one. In the list of his belongings were The London Tea Company, The Cigara fabric, a few hotels, a few clubs,shops, and a lot of beauty salons which he had called Vera after his wife. But his most biggest property was a vodka fabric named Moscow, the product of which soon became extremely popular.
He was married for the third time already and his last wife was a georgeous lady named Vera Krestovskaya. She was much younger than her husbund. She was 29. They didnt have children as long as Piotr was very old...
But Vera was an extremely passionat woman and was unfaightful to him with whoever managed to attract her attention(even one of the aughters managed). She was fiendishly beautiful and sexy on the contrast with pale and sexless aristocratic English women. Men had wet dreams about her and women hated her trembling with powerless angriness when she was flirting with someones husband on the wifes eyes. They considered her to be vulgar.
She painted her lips with red lipstic and polished her nails with red vanish. It was popular with English ladies in those time to carry with them a little repugnant poodle with painted violet or blue wool and a slobbery name like Fifi, Puki or Sisi. Vera on the contrary was always carrying a little angry bull terier named Rasputin.
Vera often smoked long womens cigarettes, which she carried in a golden portcigar. On the portcigar there was a gerb of her prominent family.
In her fancy-bag there always was a small bottle of vodka made buy her usbands company Moscow. She never got drunkd because of the alcohol.
To differ from the sexless English women, which prefered pale dresses, Vera was always wearing fabulously expensive furs which she was given by her loving husband.
English women hated Vera, especially lady Diana Parkinson. This woman was always aristocratically pale, with short rare plain hair, a-la Mary Poppins. She would never separate with her little puddle Fifi. She had three children. Two of her daughters were given to the Institute of Well-borne girls, and her son, 17 year-old Edward or Eddie was brought up by herself. He could become a real gentelmen, if not he once met Vera on the meeting at the House of Affairs.

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Re: I wrote a book. Please read one chapter.
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2006, 04:11:33 PM »
Next time, post it ONCE, and in the RIGHT PLACE.

Tink

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Re: I wrote a book. Please read one chapter.
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2006, 04:48:03 PM »
It grabs my interest somewhat, but is sometimes hard to understand because of your spelling, fragmented sentences, and awkward English. It also jumps around a lot. First we think it's focusing on the man that moved from Russia, then his third wife, Vera, and finally Diana Parkinson. I think it needs a little more focus. If this is book-length, you can introduce other elements later. If your focus is Vera, it's a fine introduction until you reach the paragraph on Diana, but once you get to that paragraph, it becomes too much.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2006, 04:48:45 PM by Tink »

Spriggan

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Re: I wrote a book. Please read one chapter.
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2006, 09:06:34 AM »
heh, well I doubt he'll be able to reply Tink, SE banned him this morning for posting this same chapter in another 5 boards instead of coming back to this one.
Screw it, I'm buying crayons and paper. I can imagineer my own adventures! Wheeee!

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Tink

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Re: I wrote a book. Please read one chapter.
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2006, 03:22:00 PM »
Well, that's dumb. Rude.