Author Topic: Warbreaker: Free Ebook  (Read 182105 times)

42

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #60 on: July 22, 2006, 01:58:36 PM »
Okay, so I've started reading the chapters that have been posted. Yes, I'm a slacker on so many levels.

My first impression is: Rainbow Brite done as a greek tragedy.

I don't mean to imply that I think it's childish, unsophisticalted, or unjoyable. In fact, I like it well enough. The whole Rainbow Brite image just came to mind and I haven't been able to get it out of my head.

So I'm still reading. I think mostly I just wished things moved a little faster.

Also, BioChroma seems like a new brand of organic camera film. The word biochrome gets used a lot for various applications.
« Last Edit: July 22, 2006, 07:19:42 PM by 42 »
The Folly of youth is to think that intelligence is a subsitute for experience. The folly of age is to think that experience is a subsitute for intelligence.

fuzzyoctopus

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #61 on: July 22, 2006, 11:57:14 PM »
I don't know, Rainbow Brite was an alien sent to colonize a colorless world and it seems like the other way around (i.e. - the princesses are going from a colorless world to one FULL of color)   I'm amused by the image, but can't think of them that way.   :)
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42

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #62 on: July 23, 2006, 12:37:38 AM »
So Warbreaker is the story of Rainbow Brite after she gets corrupted to the dark side, becoming a terrible and evil goddess.

Yup, power corrupts. That's the message here. She just should have said no to that little gold ring when that rather strange kid offered it to her.
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42

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #63 on: July 23, 2006, 12:51:30 PM »
So I just read chapter 7 and feel like I need to make more comments from the peanut gallery.

<SPOILER rant>
Siri seemed off in this chapter. I can understand her wanting to remained composed during the ordeal, but honestly, most women would be reduced to a curled-up ball of crying mush at many of the points that happen in this chapter. Getting married off to some guy you don't know is traumatizing enough. Getting married to some terrible, ominous god-figure would be devastating. As is, it seems more like Siri is getting ready for a blind-date that was set-up by her mother which she has kindly accepted just to make her happy.

In the context you've established, shouldn't this scene be more like Siri is going to be sacrificed to demonic, giant ape? It seems like there should have been a point when Siri just looses it. (My preference would be at the point when she discovers that she can't talk to her husband ever.) I can just see this image of Siri bravely trying not to cry but tears rolling down her face. Her hair starts turning gray, then is grows really long and goes limp. Then Siri just collapses into a trembling heap while the servants look on mournful yet completely detached.

There just isn't a sense of helplessness that is appropriate for the context of the situation. Siri may admire the beauty of the gown presented her, but more likely she should be too emotionally torn to really care about such banal things.

Also the servants are too much like automatons. They should show some sympathy, yet are still distant and powerless.
</SPOILER rant>

That's just my suggestion for your consideration.
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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #64 on: July 23, 2006, 06:36:10 PM »
42,

Good points, both of them, and well presented.  I've been thinking a lot about that chapter, and I think your comments put me over the edge.  She IS off in that chapter.  It needs more of exactly what you just pointed out.  (In fact, that may be the most 'off' chapter in the book so far.)

Good eye, and much thanks.  
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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #65 on: July 23, 2006, 10:37:28 PM »
I haven't had time to read any of it, but from a woman's point of view, I would rather do ANYTHING than cry in front of people who are putting me in a situation that makes me feel ready to cry. I might feel like it inside and even possibly look/feel off on the outside, but I wouldn't fall apart until after leaving the room.

Then I'd go to the bathroom, kick my shoes off so that they dent the ceiling, and hope my girlfriends were there comforting me so I didn't punch a hole in the wall. (Yes, this has happened in real life.)
« Last Edit: July 23, 2006, 10:38:12 PM by norroway »
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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #66 on: July 24, 2006, 12:17:59 AM »
Quote
I haven't had time to read any of it, but from a woman's point of view, I would rather do ANYTHING than cry in front of people who are putting me in a situation that makes me feel ready to cry. I might feel like it inside and even possibly look/feel off on the outside, but I wouldn't fall apart until after leaving the room.

Then I'd go to the bathroom, kick my shoes off so that they dent the ceiling, and hope my girlfriends were there comforting me so I didn't punch a hole in the wall. (Yes, this has happened in real life.)


That's how I see Siri reacting a couple chapters earlier. Chapter 7 seems to be when things have gotten worse than that. Plus, in the context of chapter 7 she has no friends and doesn't have the option of being alone. Plus, she's been depicted as a rather emotional person, so it would be consistant to have a emotional outburst at some point. Not multiple outbursts, just one after she can't repress the hopelessness of her situation any longer. Then of course, the characters on the sideline will have to berate her for losing composure (optional depiction).

Course there is the alternative that she could fly into a furious rage. But that seems like it would get her killed or at least it should get her killed.

It seems like characters like Bluefinger are actually trying to break her down.
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42

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #67 on: July 24, 2006, 11:58:07 PM »
So more commentary from your friendly, neighorhood critic:

Just finished chapter 10. I liked the people lining-up to petition Lightsong. It could have been a longer scene, with a little more build-up. Maybe include a couple more petitions, so that the reader can make a comparison of the mother and baby's situation to those of the other petitioners. Maybe intersperse more of Lightsongs thoughts in during the petitions.

Generally speaking, I would like the Lightsong scenes to be shorter. He just isn't peaking my interest yet. Although I'm a little curious as to his purpose in the story. I just feel that I'm trudging through his scenes to get to the important stuff.

Question: do all the gods have a name that would be more befitting a My Little Pony? Have you been secretly playing the My Little Pony RPG?

Also, regarding names. Bluefingers the Anal is way to modern and Freudian. Maybe something like Bluefingers the Spider or Bluefingers the Beaver?

So, I guess those are all really minor critiques.
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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #68 on: July 26, 2006, 04:17:55 PM »
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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #69 on: July 26, 2006, 06:06:54 PM »
Yay, more chapters.

So I just finished reading Part 1.

I like that you brought back Vivenna, although it took me a bit to remember who she was. I was thinking about this, and I think part of this was because it has been a lot of chapters since we've last seen her. Along those lines I was trying to thinking when a better point would be to bring her back into the story. Speculatively, between what is now chapters 7 and 8 would be a great place to put your current chapter 12. Mostly because I love a good cliffhanger (even if they do keep you reading much longer than you have time to read).

Just a thought.

And while I'm thinking about it I have some questions about your setting. Where are these people get all their colorful clothing and other items? Before 1856 and the first chemical dyes, people had to rely on natural pgments that are short lived and difficult to manufacture. Natural pigments are typically less intense than chemical pigments. Natural piments also have a much, much smaller spectrum of hues than chemical pigments. So, assuming they don't have some mystical way of producing intensely hued dyes, who is making all these colors? They probably are exrtemely wealthy, conisdering the cultural importance, and they probably are oppressing hundred (thousands) of people (serfs, slaves, whatever) to maintain their pigment empire.

Just thinking a bit. I'll try not to do that so much.
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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #70 on: July 26, 2006, 06:23:51 PM »
Nah, 42, that's a very good comment.  I think more people--particularly fantasy readers--will be aware of the realities of textile dying than you think.

I need a very good explanation for this.  I think having it set in a rainforest gives me some leeway, but I'll definitely need a worldbuilding reason to let all of these colors be in place.  More than that, they all need to be relatively cheap, since even the common people can afford them.  I'm leaning toward crushed flower petals.  

I do want to do more with the pigment trade.  I'm going fast enough on this book that I know I'm going to need to enhance the worldbuilding just a bit when I go through a rewrite.  

And, interesting suggestion on Vivenna.  I wasn't certain how long I wanted to leave her out, since she's a character as equally important as the other two.  (Perhaps more so.)  I'll look at sticking the chapter in where you say.  I just have to juggle time factors and the like.  

Thanks for the comments.  Very useful.
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42

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #71 on: July 26, 2006, 09:40:25 PM »
Flower Petals is acceptable. You would need either a whole lot of flower variety, or one magical flower that provides a lot of different colors.

Still not as cool as if they were extracting the colors pigments from the black blood of satanic children.

Either way, a scene or two explaining where they get their pigments and answering how much of a burden the pigment trade is on the populous would be nice.
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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #72 on: July 27, 2006, 11:55:13 AM »
I just finished chapter eighteen, and I have a small comment.  My favorite part of chapter sixteen was where Siri thinks about how Hallandren isn't as bad as she'd thought it would be, there's a scene break, and Vivena thinks about how much more horrid Halladren is than she imagined.  It made me think and compare Siri and Vivena and wonder about who really would do a better job, and what things would have looked like with Vivena as queen.  

Then chapter eighteen has the line, "The frightening truth was, should she have been sent to become the God King’s bride, she would have turned out as ineffective and confused as poor Siri undoubtedly was."

This felt final to me: question answered.  Vivena would have done much the same, no better, no worse.  With a conclusion reached, the need to compare them and think about how things would be different dies.  And that was a feature of this draft that I was really enjoying up to chapter eighteen.

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #73 on: July 27, 2006, 01:55:14 PM »
So you're suggesting that question be drawn out instead of answered?
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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #74 on: July 27, 2006, 06:44:03 PM »
Just finished chapter 14 and while I think it is a perfect chapter, the voices in my head (one in particular) have some questions.

Thinking about Vivenna and Lemk. Not entirely sure if Vivenna's excuses for not taking Lemk's Beadths are in the right order. It seems like her relenting needs to be a little more dramatic. I guess I wasn't convinced about her reasonsto take them or Lemk's reason's to give them in the end. I think the arguments may not be connecting as well as they could.

Also, taking that many breadths, wouldn't that make Vivenna kind of manic?
The Folly of youth is to think that intelligence is a subsitute for experience. The folly of age is to think that experience is a subsitute for intelligence.