Author Topic: Warbreaker: Free Ebook  (Read 182258 times)

EUOL

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #15 on: June 17, 2006, 10:15:43 AM »
And, chapter Six is up.  I think I'm going to need to do some editing now, to clean some things up, perhaps get some 2.0 versions up of the more recent chapters.

Note in chapter 6 the evolution of the term "First Heightening."  I like this, as a concept, which is something I touched on in Chapter 1, but didn't really explore.  It locked into place in this chapter.  

Nightblood is still getting worked out by me as a character.  The others are firming up fairly solidly.  I do worry about jumping around between four separate viewpoints in the book.  Anyone getting lost?

FUZZY:  Yeah, I think I agree about cook.  I need to work on her more as the story evolves.  I really liked her in the first Siri scene--she worked excellently there.  Throwing her into the carriage, however, hasn't worked as well as I wanted.  She's one of the weak spots in the book for me right now.

THELSDJ:  Hey, thanks for giving a voice to the lurkers.  Glad you're enjoying the book.  
« Last Edit: June 17, 2006, 10:20:37 AM by EUOL »
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thelsdj

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #16 on: June 17, 2006, 08:43:59 PM »
I'm following along just fine, the 4 different viewpoints don't seem to cause too much problems.

With regards to the cook, you've got a lot of complex characters and we know she has an interesting history, but maybe theres a way to expose that better early on, make sure she's useful.

Tink

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #17 on: June 19, 2006, 02:09:53 PM »
Quote
I generally think that the youngest child acts young for their age.  I actually placed her at about seventeen in my mind--which means I'll probably need to increase Vivena's age a bit, since there are two children between them.  

Any thoughts?


I haven't read the chapters as of yet, so mostly I am just responding with my own experience and not to how you've written your character, but being the youngest in my family (of 5 children, the oldest being 8 years older and the rest in between) I was always being mistaken for being older because I acted closer to the age of my sisters who were the two oldest. So I don't believe this is necessarily true that the youngest acts young for their age.

Also, I knew a girl who was way younger than the rest of her siblings (one of the those surprise children that come when you think you're done) and she acted very mature for her age, probably because she was always being surrounded by her teenage siblings and their friends. She wanted to emulate them and so tried to act more mature like them.

stacer

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #18 on: June 19, 2006, 03:40:27 PM »
That's my experience, too. I wasn't the youngest--rather, the middle child--but I was always told I acted more the age of my sister, 3 years older. We were very close and always doing similar activities (when she joined softball, so did I, when she was on poms, so was I, and she and I made cheerleading the same year). We shared clothes back and forth by the time I hit junior high. It helped that I was taller than her, and being a very intelligent child and way ahead of my peers in academics, I was always reading at about Laura's level anyway, so it wasn't much of a surprise when people mistook us for twins or thought I was older than her.

Now, let's hope they don't still think I'm older now that we're in our 30s.
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Peter Ahlstrom

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #19 on: June 19, 2006, 06:48:21 PM »
Haven't read chapter 6 yet.

I had a question about structure though. First, did you realize there is no chapter 1? What's in the "chapter 1" file is labeled "Prologue." Should we conceptually treat it as a prologue, or as chapter 1?

After reading chapter 5, the structure struck me as a little odd, that we get one chapter from the blood sword guy's point of view, then three from Siri and her family, then a new one from a totally different point of view. Is the prologue guy going to be a main character or not? And why have those Siri family bits split up into three chapters?

As for the cook...she immediately struck me as suspicious, like she's the replacement for the old man in Mythwalker, and all his hidden baggage. Otherwise, why is she there? Except for my exposure to too many Brandon books, though, she doesn't bug me at all.

My 2-years younger sister (who was like a middle child because my older sister is 5 years older than me) always had to do everything at the same time I did. However, my youngest sister is three years younger than that, and I'd say she always did seem young, though perhaps only in comparison to my younger sister at that age.
« Last Edit: June 19, 2006, 07:05:04 PM by OoklaTheMok »
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EUOL

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #20 on: June 19, 2006, 08:49:51 PM »
Folks,

Thanks for the responses, they are very useful.  

Ookla,

Yes, chapter one will probably be a prologue in the final draft.  Who's the main character of the book?  That's a tough one.  Siri, Vivenna, Vasher, and Lightsong will probably get equal treatment.  Of them all, Siri will probably get the most screen time, but I'm not sure yet.  However, I decided to prologue the first chapter, since Siri's story will get the most weight early on, and that lets me start chapter one with her viewpoint.  
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EUOL

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #21 on: June 19, 2006, 08:52:59 PM »
Chapter Seven is up.

A couple of notes:

I'm tweaking the way the hair thing works with Siri and Vivenna.  I'm not going to let the hair get shorter, only longer.  (Seems to make sense.)  I'll be standardizing when it curls vs. straightens shortly, as well as which colors which mean which emotions.

This was a very tricky chapter, and I could use some feedback on it.  Siri is going through a lot of emotional turmoil, and is getting put through something fairly drastic.  How are her reactions?  Also, is this dynamic enough and tense enough for what is occurring?  The God King, ominous enough or not?
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EUOL

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #22 on: June 19, 2006, 09:46:06 PM »
Chapter Seven needed a revision as badly as elf needs food, so I did one.  It clarifies a lot of the language and events.
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Peter Ahlstrom

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #23 on: June 19, 2006, 09:56:37 PM »
Hmm. So if they have a massive hair-growing spurt, do they get really hungry?

It might make sense for it to grow out different colors, like people who have dyed their hair, though I've been inclined to believe reports of people whose hair turns white overnight under extreme stress, indicating wholesale color change is not impossible.
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thelsdj

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #24 on: June 19, 2006, 11:05:22 PM »
In regards to the age of Siri and the other siblings, the standard in fantasy seems to be to marry them off young, so Vivenna being sent at 20 seems quite old. Now I guess the reason for the standard in fantasy is because in human history when life expectancy was shorter you needed to be married and having children as soon as possible. So the question is in the Warbreaker world what kinds of things would effect the standard age of maturity/marriage/etc?

thelsdj

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #25 on: June 19, 2006, 11:17:00 PM »
Read chapter 7.
I'd say the God King is pretty ominous, but then again the way its written, I have to wonder whether he is just a puppet for others.

Right now I'm really wanting more backstory on the change of rule in these kingdoms, how long has it been since Siri's people were cast out? Who was the ruler before the current God King? Stuff like that.

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #26 on: June 19, 2006, 11:27:26 PM »
The immediteness of the marriage made the God King ominous enough for me.  I had expected there to be a long engagement with some wiggle room for Siri to escape the whole situation -- as fantasy often does.  The fact she's just being shoved into his chamber like this makes me nervous about what's going to be inside (because I don't know what to expect) and very anxious for Siri.  I'm hooked.

fuzzyoctopus

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #27 on: June 20, 2006, 12:45:13 AM »
So if her hair can only grow and not shorten, with her emotional outbursts, does she have to get a haircut every day or so to avoid Rapunzel-esque tresses?  

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EUOL

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #28 on: June 20, 2006, 08:22:31 AM »
Small post.  Chapter four (the Lightsong intro chapter) got a revision, so I bumped it up to 2.0.  The changes include swapping "Your Excellency" for "Your Grace."  (I'll use Excellency for the God King.)  I tweaked Llarimar's name a bit, gave him a different nickname (Lare just wasn't working) and made him look different (I'd described him and Bluefingers too similarly, and I want them to be distinct characters--which, I realize, is going to be tough to pull off.)  Also added "Heightening" levels in that reference when a person gains the ability of "Perfect Hues" as well as perfect pitch.

Still want to strengthen Llarimar's character, if possible.

--

Ookla,

Yeah, I think I will make them hungry when they grow a lot of hair.  Makes sense.  I considered writing it in to chapter seven, but didn't.  Now that you've mentioned it, it seems like it will be intuitive enough to people that I should do it.

Miriel and Thelsdj,

Excellent feedback.  Thank you.  It's good to know what I need to include more of, and what I'm doing right.  Thank you.

Fuzzy,

She can grow her hair, but it doesn't grow every time it changes color.  That just happens instantly to the extant hair.  I'll make this clear when drafting chapter two and three.  
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Peter Ahlstrom

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Re: Warbreaker Sample Chapters
« Reply #29 on: June 20, 2006, 01:22:14 PM »
I thought it odd that when she left the carriage, Mab didn't try to say anything. She was always so talkative before, I missed her mention completely and had to look at it this morning to even see if she wasn't skipped over entirely.

For Mythwalker readers, we've had a cliffhanger on Siri for what, 6 years? And we're still not quite past the point she got to before! You torture us so, Brandon... But I must ask--you're setting up the God King to have the same circumstances he had in Mythwalker (with a better magical setup this time; the Breath magic system is, I think, a good one--a particularly evil one, but a good one), but if you don't have the healing magic from Mythwalker, how is he ever going to get around that? Or are you going a completely different direction?
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