Author Topic: Ninjas vs. Pirates  (Read 6103 times)

The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Ninjas vs. Pirates
« on: April 26, 2006, 09:18:54 AM »
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While it is true that ninjas are freakin' awesome when it comes to using things like teacups and hadoukens for weapons, they lack style (and cannons). Ninja's are a dime a dozen, because they are all the same. Pirates, you can choose, the eyepatch, the parrot, the monkey, the peg leg. It's all about the accessories and what you want to be.

Besides, they are rich.

Pirates also have really cool hats.
Ninjas kill themselves if they make a noise.

This argument has been had before, and the pirates lost then too.

The primary reason is that pirates have scurvy, smell bad, and are ugly.

To refute your arguments:

-"Ninjas area  dime a dozen"
You've obviously never shopped for quality ninjas

- Ninjas "are all the same"
This is only an appearance thing, and it is an ADVANTAGE. Not only do you have the cold social acceptance of dressing like your peers, but you can't be identified, at all, in a police line up.

-The pirate accessories
Each of the things you mentioned is required to cover a disability, except for hte parrot, which will only repeat something you said at the wrong time and take a crap on your shoulder. The monkey on your shoulder is an undercover agent for the ninjas.

-Pirates "are rich"
Only for very short periods of time, after which the money is spent entirely on grog, making the pirates even more disgusting in their filth, drunkeness and lack of discipline. Not to mention easier to kill.
Ninjas don't need the money, anyway. We have everything we want. And if we want something else, we just take it. The original owner will remain unaware that he has even lost it for weeks.

-"Pirates have really cool hats."
Those hats suck. Everyone says so. At least the people who aren't too busy laughing at your lack of fashion sense.

-"Ninjas kill themselves when they make a noise."
Yet ninjas don't kill themselves, because they *don't* make noises. And, truth be told, this is a lie told to pirates. It's hilarious how many pirates, trying to infiltrate a ninja clan, have killed themselves to keep their cover because a ninja told him he had to kill himself.

-Ninjas "lack style (and cannons)"
I don't even know what you're talking about here. THere is nothing more stylish than a ninja. Unless it is a ninja that is also an assassin priest.
And no ninja has been killed by a cannon. Yet thousands of pirates have died when their own cannons have misfired.

In short, pirates are also stupid.
They are also hunted by legitimate governments. Since pirates operate in the open, they are quite often hunted down.

Pirates have no training. The make their living off hunting ships less well armed than themselves. This is partially because of the training, but is also a result of their very poor self-esteem which leads them to believe (correctly, at that) that they could never beat anyone on equal footing.
Ninjas, on the other hand, can defeat any force of equal or even greater armament.

Pirates have no honor and are drunken, undisciplined slobs. The only women they get are kidnapped. We won't go into the implications of where most pirates (sailing in all male crews) get their release when at sea for such a very long time.

Faster Master St. Pastor

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #1 on: April 26, 2006, 09:46:29 AM »
In short FMJ, you just got served.
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Mad Dr Jeffe

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #2 on: April 26, 2006, 10:37:54 AM »
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There is nothing more stylish than a ninja


Black IS the new black.
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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #3 on: April 26, 2006, 12:43:02 PM »
So what about ninja pirates? Is there some rule that ninjas cannot also be pirates (and yes I want a legal citation if there is one).
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Mad Dr Jeffe

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2006, 12:56:26 PM »
yes Code of Federal Regulations CFR 26 120.10 a
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FirstMateJack

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2006, 01:02:39 PM »
Well, sheesh!... If you wanna get all realistic and ignore the romanticized, Amercanized versions...Ninjas were most likely simple peasants and failed samurai to start. Only the highest class could be samurai (the knight/royal castes) and no one else was allowed to study the arts and sword techniques (lest there be rebellion!).

So, you're monkeys are not but a bunch of self-empowered peasants. Not to mention the fact that Samurai were still better, since they had better training and equipment, which is why the ninja had to resort to stealth and assassination. They couldn't fight a real fight. Their common tools of death you see in a ninjas arsenal are claws, sticks and throwing items, why? because that is what they had for their garden work, house work, etc... Since they could not afford swords or pikes, or other war ready weapons.

The early ninjas also just wore whatever they normaly wore, or could get their hands on. The all black thing is an American creation. Since if you were caught wearing all black, everyone would know what you were and you would be tortured for information and killed. They wore whatever the people who were closest to their target wore such as the samurai armor, priests uniform, counselors clothes as long as they could get their hands on it.

So, even your ninjas would smell bad since they were laborers who didn't have showers, cleansers and perfumes. This would mean that you would go from working in the garden to drinking your sake to whatever it was early ninjas did.

You're early ninjas were, untrained, unskilled, backstabbing, smelly, desperate, pitiable, and miss-dressed, wanna-be samurai failures.

So... let's steer ourselves away from the unromanticized versions and stick with what we, as Americans, know: ninjas have super-powers and there isn't a girl on Earth who wouldn't want to date a pirate!
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The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2006, 01:45:36 PM »
Your idea of ninjas there are what the ninjas want you to think.

<Nitpicking>They didn't want to be samurai, they wanted to spy on (and possibly kill) samurai. Your desciption also describes your pirates. Yet the ninja are STILL cooler. Hrm...</nitpicking>

But you're right. Every girl on earth would date a priate. The only pirate I know of that girls would date is Johnny Depp. And lets face it, a ninja could take him out before he even knew there was a fight going on.

The rest of them are still lacking in the shower department.

On a related note, now you have access to the ninja's wisdom

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2006, 01:56:01 PM »
I have to go with FMJ here: pirates are cooler than ninjas.
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FirstMateJack

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #8 on: April 26, 2006, 01:58:00 PM »
No, cause at the end the other guy, what's his name, is also a pirate by the end.

I went to your site....

"If a ninja were in the situation where he was fighting a pirate he would Fight Batman"

Therefore Pirates equal Batman, I don't care who or what you are, no one can beat Batman.

"If a ninja were in the situation where he was eating cake he would Mutate into a more humanoid form"

A much larger humanoid form.    ;D

Kudos to you for the ninja would do thing.. I love it!!
« Last Edit: April 26, 2006, 01:59:57 PM by FirstMateJack »
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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #9 on: April 26, 2006, 01:59:49 PM »
lol

He would fight Batman INSTEAD of the pirate. Because then, at least, he would have a challenge.

Fellfrosch

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #10 on: April 26, 2006, 02:06:51 PM »
"If a ninja were in the situation where he was sick of ninjas he would Mutate into a more humanoid form."

I think that about says it all.
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FirstMateJack

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #11 on: April 26, 2006, 02:10:49 PM »
You should probably have use the ninja multiply or duplication skill. Or take the form of a panther or something.
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The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #12 on: April 26, 2006, 02:12:27 PM »
a feature to add your suggestions will be added soon.
In the mean time, I'll manually put those in
THere are 42 different items int he database. I'm not sure why the mutate one keeps coming up.

Mad Dr Jeffe

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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2006, 02:15:41 PM »
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If a ninja were in the situation where he was at a birthday party he would Take the form of a panther or something


Nothing, and I do mean nothing is cooler than a ninja who can become a panther.
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Re: Ninjas vs. Pirates
« Reply #14 on: April 26, 2006, 03:45:25 PM »
I just made it so you can submit your own suggestions (like "Take the form of a panther or something") to my database.

Of course, I still have to approve them. That's what took a bit longer, making a form in the same page that I can see but you can't that allows me to approve them.