D&D The Movie 2

[Slant]

it is official that there is a new D&D film coming out, and that the leads will probably be Vin "Grunt" Diesel and Paris "Please, somebody slap me" Hilton.  It will have little to do with the first film and will center on a warrior and wizard's quest to keep an evil mage from awakening a dragon.

Please, haven't we been hurt enough?

Instead of this nonsense we have passing for D&D on the big screen, why can't we just have a good film that reflects what is so much fun about D&D in the first place?  A band of explorers delving into a darkened tomb or musty catacombs rife with sinister traps to overcome, strange monsters to fight, and magical treasure to filch.  All the while engaged in snappy banter punctuated by sly digs and bad puns.

THAT is what makes so many people keep coming back to the game.

For starters, why not cast actors that have already admitted to an enjoyment of gaming.  VIn Diesel IS one, true, but what about Elijah Wood, Robin Williams, Seth Green, and the incredibly hot Jolene Blaylock?  All of them would be welcome in a gaming movie, and would likely be able to add the appropriate tone.

[Spriggan]

Heh, well Vin is a DnD player so I guess it makes since, but Paris Hilton?  

Can you link a news story Slant?

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

actually, that sounds very much like a lonely, basement-dwelling nerd gamer fantasy.

[Slant]

EXACTLY!!!!   How many of us adults who are in the hobby started out playing with six 12-year-old kids sitting around somebody's kitchen table scarfing pizza and making Monty Python references while slaying orcs and stealing gold coins.

And it's been months since I've dwelt in a basement.... SO THERE!!

HAH!

[42]

Paris Hilton! Wow, that just garantees the movie as a dud. I think the film-makers must be going for the Golden Rasberry award.

[Spriggan]

Then Tom Green must be involved in some manner.

[42]

Tom Green signed on as the film's gaffer.

[Slant]

Just as long as they don't have him performing lewd acts on a bulette or anything.

[42]

Well, unfortunately, the movie is being made. I just got an email from my sister. She was in Lithuania getting her visa renewed. She went to a castle outside of Vilnius and ran into the production crew for the movie.

[Nicadymus]

I all truth I don't know whether to laugh at the thought of the stoooopidity of the people who hired Paris, or cry about the foreordained failure of this flick.

[42]

Apparently the director is moping that he got out-geeked by Peter Jackson and is determined to go down in flames.

[Nicadymus]

42.  When you say "go down in flames", I read "Super Nova."  Same concept, I guess, just a little more dramatic.

[PaperSword]

Well, although it sounds like crap, and probably will be, I didnt like the first one at all. I feel that the maker's of the film have no real knowledge of D&D.

The lead character in the first changed classes four times. He started as a rogue, multi-classed into fighter, at the end knighted and followed a Lawful Good Paladin's role, and at the very end as they all are teleported away, he had to have a few innate levels in Sorcerer...

Yeah, i'm a little over-analytical, but i find it amusing.

The second film is likely to be graphic oriented with a cheesy plot and bad acting, especially the casting of the lead roles...i dont care for either actor.

(Been away for awhile, my computer has been down. Happily, i have returned in pieces.)

[Entsuropi]

I told a friend about this. His reply when I told him the main actors:

<Maus> so its a porn flick then?

I think that really does sum it all up.

[Fellfrosch]

You know, Vin Deisel's main character (the one whose name is tatooed on his arm) is a half-orc. If he plays a half-orc in the movie it would be a strong blow for racial equality in Hollywood.