Yeah, weapon finesse. We've discussed this a bit before. This goes back to some other stuff mentioned in this thread, like 1st level needing a power boost and the rules in general requiring an abnormally high level to actually make the character you were trying to /start/ as.
weapon proficiencies need to be redone completely. Something more like the weapon groups in unearthed arcana + simple/marshal/exotic. marshal weapon proficiency feat is a real joke. With simple weapn prof., you get all simple weapons with a feat, Exotic you only get one weapon, but they are in most all cases better than marshal (usually they are just a copy of a marshal weapon with either a better crit or one step higher on dice damage).
So as an example, wizard types would get 1 weapon group of their choice, rogue and clerics 2, barbs and ranger maybe 3, ftr 4. If you chose lets say the sword weapon group, and are also proficient with simple weapons only, then basically you are proficient with daggers. IF you also have marshal weapon prof. feat, then you add the mashal swords (longsword, shortsword, scimitar, rapier, greatsword, falchion), and exotic weapon prof adds all exotic swords (bastard sword, elvin lightblade/thinblade/courtblade, great scimitar, great falchion, 2-bladed sword, etc). In the case of most classes you'd also be able to exchange a weapon group for Improved Unarmed Strike.
Basically anything that improves your chance to disarm would also improve your chance of being disarmed. If a wizard took Improved Disarm, he would get the bonus to disarm other people and avoid being disarmed. Take away the whole magic item problem and then its not a huge deal anyway. You see what I mean? This is a problem because your 14th level wizard is expected to have that +6 headband.
You could also add in that all nonheld items require a pin (currently only rings and the like require this). Keep in mind that you can only use light weapons in a grapple (at a -4 attack penalty, unarmed strike is considered a light weapon), that is a -4 to disarm for light weapon and -4 for grappling (-8 on attack roll) vs outside the grapple with a 2-handed weapon (+4 on attack roll). And if it is a secured item (ie ring), then the defender gets a +4 bonus rather than -4, another 8-point shift for such items. That should be more than enough, you could still disarm weapons and such, but to disarm items you'd need to beat your opponent at a grappling, a heavy penalty disarm, and would require at least 3 actions (grapple, pin, disarm).
The feats you mention are the sort I meant by 'flavorful' feats. You can take them for pure flavor but end up crippling your character design, and by this I don't just mean you are not as powerful. You already need so many feats to make a duel-wielder or whatever, by the time you have all the feats needed to finally get the fighting style you were trying to start with, you are like 10th or 15th level. No real room for them, even if your focus is rp and not power.
edit: tried to make the item disarm more clear, hope that makes sense now