Contest: What Would YOU Do with your Tanks?

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

Did you want a free copy of Desert Rats Vs. Afrika Korps? Well, we can help. But you have to be creative first. Respond to this scenario for us:

After WW2, you inherited twenty tanks. Unfortunately, none of them work properly. They either can move or shoot, but not both. In 200 words or less, explain what you would do with the tanks. Funniest entry Wins.

For bonus points reference Either squirrels with rocket launchers  OR Men with pants on their head, but not both.  Pictures are acceptable, but not necessary they will not increase your chance of winning.

The Judges will be Spriggan and Entropy and the contest will run till the 18th of June.  Entries can be submitted via e-mail to Spriggan or posted on our forums.  All entries submitted on our forum require a membership and a valid E-mail address.  The winner will be contacted before the end of the month (June) by Spriggan.

note: Multiple entries are allowed.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I'd stack 100 firing tanks one a piece on top of moving tanks, leaving me with 100 double weight, unbalanced tanks that are mobile and firing. Then, I would have rocket launcher bearing squirells pilot them, and use the men with pants on their head to distract the enemy while the tanks did their work.

Then, while everyone was watching that or possibly even stop it, my giant screaming horde of viscious ninja monkey pirate assassin priest vikings would destroy all my enemies.

It doesn't matter that I don't get the extra points for using both the squirells and pants-heads. Because I'm not eligible anyway.

[House of Mustard]

Speaking personally, I'd annex the Sudetenland.

SE -- the rules say you only get twenty tanks, but you have 200.  That's cheating.  You're disqualified.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

oh, what a digit here and there between friends?

also, I'm going to use my vast military superiority to destroy all those who disqualify me.

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

The rules also say squirrils or men with pants, not both...

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

The rules also say squirrils or men with pants, not both...

It doesn't matter that I don't get the extra points for using both the squirells and pants-heads. Because I'm not eligible anyway.

yes, I already addressed that point.

[Lieutenant Kije]

Here's my entry (or my first entry if we're allowed more than one):

I would take the tanks and form a not-for-profit organization called "Tanks for Teens".  My henchmen and I would drive the tanks in fund-raising parades through the cities and towns of the world, collecting donations and contributions, and then using those funds to support after-school programs to help keep teens off the streets and out of trouble.

Of course, our tank exhaust will be laced with a designer narcotic that will make any parade attendee my mindless slave.  And then, for good measure, I'll arm the squirrels with pitchforks, bubble gum, and rocket launchers, among other things.  

[GorgonlaVacaTremendo]

I would need three things other than the tanks.  Squirrels, Rocket Launchers and an itallian pizza chef who comes with everything you need to make a pizza.  And here's why.

First I would kidnap the pizza chef with what other than rocket launcher clad squirrels.  I would force him to train four hundred other people to cook pizzas.  Then I would move each and every one of my tanks to special locations around New England and part of the mideast.

Once my tanks were in place I would open a pizza buisness covering several states, and once someone ordered a pizza I would relay it from one tank to another via missile tubes.  Then, once close enough to the persons house, my squirrel minions would reheat the pizza with a rocket launcher and deliver.

[Gemm: Rock & Roll Star; Born to Rock]

I would allow them all to shoot and have my men with pants on their heads drag them around with ropes. But with these tanks I will defend my Tower of Babel from God. And I would have to have T90S.

[JP Dogberry]

I'm not qualified, but here's my answer for fun:

First, I would hire a bunch of men with pants on their head. Since they have pants on their heads, they must be certifably insane, and so I can probably hire them for an imaginary bucket of air a week. These men would modify the tanks that fire by altering the turrets to make them great artillery pieces. Then, I place these surrounding the perimeter of an obstacle course. Driving around the obstacle course are the other tanks, ready to run people over.

After this, I start a game show where contestants must traverse the obstacle course, facing certain doom in order to win some amount of money. Possibly a reality show varient where the contestants  vote on who has to run next.

[Maxwell]

I would choose the 20 mobile tanks then I would scrap their guns and in their places i would super glue rocket weilding squirelles, then I would take my new mobile squirlly rocket launceher tanks and conquer every steak and shake and jack in the box in america, I would be the undisputed emperor of high quality fast food!!!, then I might go and annex swtzerland, just to get the chocolate and after that I will conquer china and and king of ramen!

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

only one thing doesn't make sense there (y'know, besides taking over the most populous nation on the planet with only 20 armored units). You think Jack in the Box is 'high quality' even in the context of fast food?

[GorgonlaVacaTremendo]

and and king of ramen!

I don't know.  That could be described as "Senseless", depending on your "point of view"...

[Spriggan]

Well I've decided to allow mulitple entries for this contest because we're not getting many (there are only 4 legal entries, HoM is disqualified because he got the review copy).  I'll be adding this to the first post so anyone new will know.

[Spriggan]

Only 2 days left!  If you didn't see it I've allowed mutilple entries so go wild and amuse me and Entropy!