Internet Dating

[fuzzyoctopus]

I know, some of you are looking at this and thinking, what's a married chick doing posting a topic like this?

My mom is in her mid 50's and single.  She's been divorced for... oh, 15+ years now I think.  She told me that she's decided to try one of the LDS singles websites out there in an effort to meet the right guy.  

It just got me to thinking about the idea in general. What are everyone's opinions of such websites?

[Brenna]

Well, they're good and bad.

Chris's uncle met E3's wife's sister on an LDS internet dating site, and now the two are happily married.

When I was a sophomore, I was registered on one just to make friends, which I did.

Then there are always horror stories.  

I think overall the LDS sites aren't too bad.

[EUOL]

No different than personal adds, right?  And, since LDS people can't really go to singles bars, and since they're not supposed to 'ward hop' (sorry about the Mormon slang,) their options for meeting people are limited.

Still, I think that so much about attraction and getting along depends on physical interaction.  If on-line relationships make me skeptical for this reason.  As a person who makes a living out of fictionalizing himself, I and healthily distrustful of text.

[fuzzyoctopus]

Especially since ward-hopping in Ohio would mean an hour or so drive.  She's been active in the stake and regional singles activities for years- and knows just about everyone there.  She told me once that the problem with being middle-aged and single in those programs is "Most of these people are single for a very good reason."

[42]

One of my friends met her current husband through an internet site. They've been married for three years now, and are still happy. Which is a lot better than her three previous marriages that she started dating in person first and only started sending them emails when they skipped on their child support. Plus, this guy isn't a wife-beater, drug-dealer or a hit-man like the others.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

I think the question is not so much where you meet, but how you interact. If the only interaction is online... that's creepy. If you just meet online, use that to communicate, and spend a lot of time together in person doing stuff... well what's the big deal about where you met?

[Mad Dr Jeffe]

Internet dating is without a doubt the creepiest form of dating on the planet...

Its the ultimate in lazy dating too. After all, why go out and make yourself presentable, learn and do new things and better yourself (the things you normally do to meet people to date) if you can sit behind a computer and eat cheetos and have absolutely no connection with the person you talk to at all.

Caveats like Im too overweight, too shy, too whatever dont sit well with me. I've seen the fattest most homely wallflowers go out on dates and get married.
The two key components of successful dating are confidence and sense of humor.

Now if you use the "net to meet someone and then go out  on dates and do stuff, bravo.
But do what my roomate fred did in Greensboro and you'll scare the heck out of me every time. He dated a girl in california via the internet...
Yeah California and North Carolina are so close....
they got engaged online and then he went out there to get married having only seen 1 posted picture of her online... that pretty creepy.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

one might even say "super creepy"

Don't date on or through the Internet is the message here. Meet however you want, but interact IN PERSON first.

[Mr_Pleasington]

Well, I have some first hand experience at this.  I never thought I'd internet date, but with time constraints stopping me from meeting new people I decided to give it a shot.

I joined eHarmony.com.

Apparently, I'm pretty compatible as I was getting about ten matches a day, many of which wanted to communicate (friends of mine are sometimes getting only 1 match a week with default criteria).  The good thing about eHarmony is that they have some matching criteria based on personality and compatibility that I must say seems to work.  Most of the girls I talked to sounded like they were interesting enough to meet.  

Also, eHarmony takes it slow when getting to know a person with many steps involved before you're actually free to communicate with email (which is both good and bad).  The price ($40) also keeps out the folks who just want to post a pic and meet for a hook up.

The vast majority of girls I met seemed to have similar relationship goals as me.

I joined in November and I met one of them in early December. We hit it off almost immediately and are still going strong.  

My time with eHarmony was well spent.

If your mom joins, make sure she knows the precautions to take...have a first meeting at a familiar place and preferably have a friend watching you from a nearby table...just to make sure.   Play it smart and it works like a charm.

[GorgonlaVacaTremendo]

My whole thing with online dating is, for on ething, the physical interaction.  It's pretty weird to meet someone online and just decide to go out, especially long distance.  Also, what happens when your kids ask you how you met mommy or daddy and you respond," I paid someone I don't know to hook me up with people, and it was possible that I may have never seen these people.  Now eat your vegetables, or you can't have any ice-cream." mmmmmmmmmmmmm ice  cream.

[Mistress of Darkness]

She told me once that the problem with being middle-aged and single in those programs is "Most of these people are single for a very good reason."

Heh. That's what my dad said.

I think it's a good idea, but pending the human interaction.

This will sound strange, but prayer helped me. It's not like marriage is against the commandments.

[stacer]

Yeah, but praying about it isn't necessarily going to bring someone to you. It's about timing, too. And having anyone as potential. Even with the number of great guys I have in my acquaintance--I have a lot of good friends, but very few with whom I've been able to develop deep connections. One friend recently was saying how she felt like any two people getting together was an absolute miracle, and I agree with her--a miracle that happens for many people, but certainly a miracle, and it's definitely going to be a miracle for me, whenever it happens.

[stacer]

Oh, and one thing I've found with such websites (some of my friends and I have checked them out for fun from time to time) is that many of the people who are on them are either weirdos or desperate. SOOO many of them are way too focused on marriage/finding "the one"/etc., and don't seem to recognize the need to step back and enjoy life, enjoy the friendships and opportunities before them. That's what I try to do.

There is one site that I've been impressed with because it does focus more on connections and friendships, and is more of a friendship site than a singles' meeting place site. Have you guys heard of ldslinkup.com? It's pretty fun, like an LDS friendster. Some people seem to be using it to meet people through people they know who know other people, etc. Some people use it to keep track of old friends, or to find people in a city they're going to visit, etc. You might want to refer her to that site, fuzzy--the people on it seem quite normal.

[fuzzyoctopus]

Izzy, darling, you don't think she's been praying for the last 10 years?  This is my mother we're talking about here.
It's like Stacer said.  Praying was excellent for you, and it didn't hurt that you knew tons of Mormon guys your age.
I have personal faith in "praying like it's up to the Lord and working like it's up to only you."

[stacer]

Oh--forgot to mention--LDSlinkup has married people on it, too. There are young moms on it who bond over their kids, 50-somethings who are both married and single, single people our age. A whole bunch of people.

I've been able to get back in touch with old friends from years ago by finding them on the site. I'm stacer on there as well, if you wanted to look me up. Come be my friend! Yeah, so it's a silly little site, and I lose interest in it most of the time, but it's kind of fun to see how many connections you have with other people you know. There are a couple people on the site who have invited EVERY SINGLE PERSON on the site to be their friend, whether they know them from before or not, so they're skewing the whole thing, but if you can get past them, it's interesting.