(A rant from a comic that was called, i think, Elflife. Was a comic about the roleplayers in an online chatroom. Died soon after this rant.)
Telling a cartoonist that he has offended you is often like rolling in steak sauce and chicken gravy and going out to pet a pitbull. Really, I don't have it out for Japanese animation and I respect the great contributions the East has brought to comics and cartoons. But really, some folks can't see the landfill for the trash. I'm amazed at what some people will not only enjoy, but follow with all the religious zeal of a cultist who needs his poisoned kool-aid.
Anyway, I pitched a new story idea to Shannon yesterday that she just loved (but she is biased) so I'm going to share it here: The Anime Bible.
See, anime RUINS EVERYTHING. And what better way to illustrate that than by taking the most famous religious text in the world and re-telling it with the same popular anime conventions that American fans can't get their cartoon on without? Let's imagine what it might be like.
(Scene opens in a field in the day. Jesus Christ sits upon a stone, resting his feet peacefully. Pan to the right, showing a still shot of a crowd of happy children. Rather than animate the children, play sound effects of children laughing. A stern disciple stands in their path, his mouth opened wide to show his teeth as he yells at the children. Only two alternating frames of animation for the disciple's jaws are necessary for this scene)
Disciple: You there kids! You should not be here! Jesus is resting and you should leave him alone when he is resting! Respect your elders, you rascally kids! Why don't you go home and behave?
Disciple: (suddenly turns for no reason at all and gasps) What?
Jesus: (calmly sitting on the rock with his eyes closed. Slowly his eyes open. Close up on his eyes so we don't have to animate his mouth.) Let the children come. (replace background with blue streaks) For theirs is the kingdom of heaven!
Disciple: (gasps) Uhn!
(scene ends with children surrounding Jesus. They still aren't moving, but their laughter is louder now. Jesus smiles while the Disciple sweats profusely from his forehead. Fade to black and preview next episode, when Super Mecha Jesus and the Go Go New Testament Rangers take on Robo Pontius Pilate)
For now I plan on making this script idea into a hot new webcomic called "MegaBible". I mean, Jesus is all over the webcomic world already anyway. Of course, I will write the dialogue in the original Hebrew and place the frames from right to left to make it more accessible to scholarly and dyslexic monks who read Sailor Moon. It will also have ninjas fighting pirates and lots of references to Squaresoft video games.
And yes, I know you're offended, so don't bother telling me. Really.
