Best Quote lately

[Tage]

Taken out of context, this is easily my favorite quote lately:
"Yeah, the toilet thing blew me away." -- Gemm

[dinodynamo]

"I'm inside a strange man in a strange place with strange people all around me!"

[House of Mustard]

CNN headline today:

"FBI Reports: Prejudice Fueling Hate Crimes"

Really?  I would have thought mutual respect and brotherly kindness fueled hate crimes.

[fuzzyoctopus]

I guess even CNN headline writers need to take the day off for slacking now and then.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

or perhaps whoever's writing reports at the FBI. If we can get away with that level of scholarship, I might be interested in a job.

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

"What did the oracle tell you?"
"That I would fall in love with the One, but that it wouldn't work out because I'm too needy. What did he tell you?"
"To stop looking at so much porn"

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

"If skirts get any shorter, girls will have four cheeks to powder."
-Bob Hope, ca 1920

[42]

"Honey, could you open the door please. The police have daddy's fingerprints on file."

[fuzzyoctopus]

"I dreamed you were a gay country-western singer!"

[The Holy Saint, Grand High Poobah, Master of Monkeys, Ehlers]

there's another kind of country-western singer?

[Spriggan]

Ya, the female types.  Which are hot.

[House of Mustard]

I would like to say beforehand that this quote is rude and offensive, but hilariously funny, too.

From Anne Coulter's website, posted Christmas morning:

"Attention People of Islam:  If we had invaded your country, and killed your leaders, and converted you to Christianity, you could be opening presents right now!"

[Spriggan]

From a foxsports article on the USC, Oklahoma game:

Giving Chow [USC's Offencive Cooridnator] a month to prepare for one opponent seems as disturbing and unfair as arming Robin Williams with a bottle of bourbon and access to your e-mail account.

[Nicadymus]

This one requires a little bit of background so, here goes:

The "Electronic Communications Coordinator," a man in his late 50's, was giving a mandatory seminar to all 1st year law students today with the aid of an overhead projecter.  He attempted to open a web page, but in the process pulled the mouse to hard and it came unplugged from the computer in such a way that it caused the entire electronic setup to fail completely.  He then turns to his assistant, who is a young, attractive lady, and, apparently forgetting that he had the microphone on, said the following:

"I didn't know that if I pulled it that hard it would explode on you like that, and then become useless.  Sorry."

[Skar]

"English doesn't borrow from other languages.
English follows other languages down dark alleys, knocks them down and goes through their pockets for loose grammar."