Ok, overall impressions first. From the synopsis you provided in the email, I couldn't help but think this story was influenced by another work of epic fantasy I've read recently. But that's not necessarily a bad thing; it depends on where you take it from there. (Also, I haven't been privileged to read the previous chapters, so I don't really know for certain. If you'd like to send them to me, I'd love to read them.
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I actually like the "Storyteller" style at the beginning, but I think Max is right in that it's too... drawn out. If you could condense it a bit; still provide all the information, but take out some of the unnecessary phrases that are simply repeating what you've already said. Like here:
But in the end, all we can do is pray their
souls to the Garden so that we will one day meet them again.
Praise them for their contribution to this story and then move
on. To dwell longer upon it would discredit them. Acknowledge.
Pray. Move forward. Always forward; always upward.
Not everyone from the King's fleet was lost that night,
however. No, indeed not. For that would make for quite a brief
tale, and I'm certain neither you nor I would be witnessing this
chronicle if that had come to pass.
This and following seems like an awkward shift in the narrative. Previously, the reader was there with the narrator, seeing everything that happened. Why, then, would the narrator stop asking him to "look at what happened" and shift to "let me tell you what happened?" Either find a way to say the same thing in the same style as before, or let us know that we're now moving away from the scene we just saw and back to our respective hearths.
...benevolent goddess moons.
Wouldn't it be better to say "benevelont moon goddesses?" Or are they not actually goddesses, just viewed as such?
... the tide brought carried the sword...
Just thought I'd bring this to your attention.
Since we move to a different POV in chapter 5, I wouldn't start out with the omniscient there. I'd find some way to transition at the end of 4 so you can start out fresh with Nola. I disagree, btw, with Maxonennis about the "weather report" styling there. I thought the wind made for a good transition, sort of like in a movie when the camera zooms in from a wide shot to focus on a particular character.
There's no real feel for how much time has actually passed between the storm, the shipwrecks, and when the sword actually made it to the beach. Even though I read the part where it described the sword waiting at the bottom of the ocean and then floating on the tide, I was still inclined to automatically assume Nola was on the beach the day after the storm hit. Perhaps you could include some info on what he was doing during the intervening time? And some description on what he looks like?
I'd also think that there would have been other scavengers among the wreckage considering the amount of time that
has passed. It would be unlikely that Nola was the only one to notice what was going on and be curious, and if so, it's highly unlikely he would have been the first to find either the cup or the sword.
Pretty good concept (as far as I know what it is) you've got going on here! I look forward to more!