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« on: December 15, 2007, 10:57:17 PM »
A few things that (to my knowledge) haven't been mentioned yet:
1. It seemed strange to me that you brought in the whole thing about the colorful flower being one of the big factors in the start of the War, but that was the only time you mentioned it.
2. It seems like normal Returned are unable to go without Breath for any length of time (as when Lightsong gives his breath to Sebby, then instantly becomes a dead Drab). However, Vasher manages to go without Breath for extended periods of time. This, I think, it a mechanic that really needs to be worked out and explained a bit more. To be fair to the reader, I think you should at least have some indication that Returned can subsist on "stale" Breath - they're given one a week as a ritual thing, but they could be given four per month instead of one per week.
3. I also thought it was odd that although Vasher had significantly more Breath than Vivena, she was able to perform all the same Awakenings as Vasher - and with relative ease. There is no sign that she practiced, or that it was much trouble at all for her to make the correct mental images. Further, once she had Awakened said garments, she trusted them completely to do what she wanted. In the course of what seemed like three days or so, she went from knowing nothing about Awakening to being about as skilled as Vasher.
4. It's unclear whether Vasher was the only God-Scholar or not. It is revealed eventually that Denth, Shashara, and the Steel brothers were the other four Scholars, but the explanation for having them live so long could just be that they had a lot of Breath. On the other hand, it's also possible that all five of them were Gods. I'm not sure if this is intentional, but if not, you may want to clarify this point somewhere in the Epilogue as well.
5. A minor thing, but Denth's name (Varatridees) is just too similar to that of the God-King's priest (Tridees). If this is supposed to show that they're related (as with Arsteel and Yesteel) then it's fine. Otherwise it's a little odd. I mean, these days there are a lot of people with similar names (I happen to know three different people named Karen and four different people named John) but in the old-days-fantasy setting everyone has his own name and there's rarely a need to bother with last names. An uncanny similarity in the first name is enough to link characters (as shown when Vivenna "guesses" that Arsteel and Yesteel are brothers) Also, there's a sort of subconscious-alerting similarity between "Tax" and "Talaxin" that provides a subliminal hint that Vasher was one of the Scholars as soon as the reader learns both names. Not that I managed to figure it out until a few pages before he said so, but I was close because the hint was there.
6. Another thing that was sort of foreshadowed but not fulfilled was that each of the Scholars seemed to have a different field of study or special talent. Denth/Varatridees' inhuman speed (he's like The Flash or Quicksilver or something) was shown repeatedly, as was Vasher's extensive knowledge of Awakening. Shashara was obviously an expert at forging metals and would have been the one who further imbalanced the war by sharing her knowledge of how to imbue weapons. Yesteel is, apparently, some sort of chemist. But Arsteel is dead (so he's not likely to show any sort of power any time soon) and the only skill he's been shown to have is in dueling. That seems suspiciously similar to Varatridees, though his ability could be some sort of variation on that (i.e. Vara had super-speed so Arsteel had super-strength or was just really good at dueling without any sort of special power). And of course, now I'm assuming that the Five Scholars were really "special" and that they weren't just (very powerful) normal people who studied their field for so many centuries they just seemed inhuman. Bah, I guess what I'm saying now is that I don't know what I'm saying.
7. The last apparent semi-inconsistency that occurred to me was that Nightblood was "programmed" to destroy evil, but he didn't know what evil was, but he had special evil-judging powers anyway, but they were activated by leeching breath, which is sort of "soul-sucking" like the One Ring, but Nightblood wasn't evil, but he was so innocent he did a lot of things that were apparently evil. In short, it was odd that although Nightblood couldn't distinguish good and evil, he had the intrinsic ability to...distinguish good and evil. That is, anyone who was "pure of heart" or "strong of mind" would not be tempted to draw Nightblood and would not go insane just from picking up the sheath. I'm not really sure how else to explain it. Sometimes I'm worse with words than Vasher.
EDIT: Some other things just occurred to me:
8. There's a lot of buildup about the conspiracy with the Priests. Although it is revealed that Vasher is the one responsible for the tradition of muting the God-King, and Bluefingers is responsible for the instigation of the war between Idris and Hallandren, Tridees and his priests do seem to be manipulating the God-King somehow. There must be some reason for their arrogance, secrecy, and deceit, but it is never shown. In that moment when Siri realizes that it was Bluefingers pulling the strings all along, she (along with everyone else) seems to suddenly forget how sleazy Tridees is. While most of the book is wrapped up nicely in a neat package by the end, this is one of the questions left hanging: If Tridees was really just trying to protect Siri and Seb, why did he act so evil? And what was their plan for the God-King and his son? In that climactic moment (okay, those four or five hundred climactic moments) that particular conspiracy is just forgotten and Siri suddenly trusts Tridees completely. At least, that's what it looked like to me (and I may have to read it again because nobody else is commenting on these things. Maybe the answers are obvious and there is no issue.)
9. There is also no explanation given for how the God-King passes down his Uberbreath without a tongue, or whose son ends up becoming the next King - Susebron's or someone else's. I get the feeling it is someone else's son, though, since the other Returned cannot produce children, and the King hasn't been an exception so far.
10. Yet another mystery: why is it that when a Returned gives away its Uberbreath, the recipient gets completely healed instead of getting the Breath?
11. It seems like not all Breath is equal - a Returned's BioChroma alone (by what seem to be the rules of this magic system) is enough to achieve the Eighth Heightening, but fifty normal Breaths are required to achieve the First Heightening. However, sick people seem to have "weak Breath" while healthy people have "strong Breath". If that is the case, wouldn't it take, say, eighty "weak Breaths" to reach the First Heightening? And since illness seems to be related to Breath, if you gave a sick person (one with weak Breath) a healthy Breath, would they be cured? Why is it that Drab people don't get sick all the time? (I would think that they would have a weaker immune system or something). I guess all this is relatively minor, such as it is. If you don't already have an explanation, you could probably get away with just saying that this aspect of BioChroma is still not understood well enough!