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Messages - Amnonian

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Please note that this is the first chapter I've read, and thus my view is skewed.

I always get an urge to shudder whenever someone makes a character with a different belief than his own, but you seem to handle it well. Still, it's something to watch out for.

The part before they start talking religion with Aetherial is a bit slow, though that is probably because I haven't read the chapters that came before.

The conversation between Charom and Albione feels real. I could see that they were brothers. Well done.

Reading Excuses / Re: 8/08/2011 - Amnonian - The Creator - Short Story
« on: August 12, 2011, 04:42:32 AM »
Na, I was excepting to tear this story apart in the hopes of learning for future ones. Your critique is very helpful.

The part about the ending not following the set up is new to me. I should check it more closely, as I haven't thought of that fact before.

Reading Excuses / Re: 8/08/2011 - Amnonian - The Creator - Short Story
« on: August 11, 2011, 05:26:42 PM »
Thank you for the feedback.  :)

Yeah. Looking back, it was obviously too much affected by The Last Airbender and Codex Alera.

I'll try to do as you say; work better on the characters on my current novel, especially with how important Dan, Howard and Brandon keep saying they are.
On that same note: I've found after writing that story that I work better with third person point of view, so my next stories are such.

You saw it coming? I've recieved mixed opinions on that one, with some knowing it's coming, and some not.
My current novel deals a lot with this kind of hidden past, (though I hope it deals with it in a much better way.) so that's an area that's especially important to me.

That is the first chapter I've read of this story, and my criticism will be affected by that fact.

 I love the way they count time there. Chimes, divisions... Those things – small as they might be – really pulled me into the world.

The women-dominated reading culture reminds me of the one in Stormlight Archive. I am interested in seeing what other jobs are gender-specific.

The speed in which Ciera opened up to Lorn and told him of the ciphering feels off. I'd expect her to distrust him and try to get him to leave.

Lorn is also my current favorite. The part where he ripped the empty papers instead of the books was strong.

"I suppose you can keep them with you. I don't want you to feel like you're missing on something. Who knows for how much time you will be with us?"
Us? Is it a mistake or does he have someone else with him in wherever he's taking her?

I don't see Lorn as confident or cocky, only determined.

Can you send me the first chapter to read? I'd have asked for more, but I have way too much to read already.  :P

Reading Excuses / Re: 8/7/11 - Chaos - Rebirth, Chapter One
« on: August 08, 2011, 06:16:29 PM »
Your world sounds very interesting. Specifically the part where she says she had seen into her past life makes me want to learn more about the world and the setting. Also the gemswords and the storm.
I felt there was a bit too much description of the scenery in the beggining with too little happening.
The relationship between Medora and Saril feels real and interesting. Their coversations are strong and well-made.
The last two paragraphs were powerful. Now I want to read the next chapter.  ;D

Reading Excuses / 8/08/2011 - Amnonian - The Creator - Short Story
« on: August 08, 2011, 08:06:49 AM »
I've written that story quite a while ago, (Before I've started listening to Writing Excuses.) and have learned a lot since then. I think that this story is clichéd, and have pretty much abandoned hope for it. The main thing that interests me is what can be learned from it for future stories.

I'm not sure it counts as violence, though I can see how it might count as such. I'm calling it violent just to stay on the safe side, and would be glad if anyone tells whether that counts as violent or not, as most of my stories are about that level of violence.

Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: August 05, 2011, 11:44:32 AM »
Can I submit a short story of mine? My novel is still in first draft, and I don't want to receive critique for it until I'm finished, but meanwhile I'd like to show a short story I've written some time ago.  :P

Age of Empires 2 is the game which brought me into gaming.  ;D

Reading Excuses / Re: Your Background
« on: July 31, 2011, 05:17:27 PM »
Hello all.  :)
I write epic fantasy, and am currently also toying with romance.
I have a bad habit of abandoning my stories for new ones. My longest draft is 20k words.
That's my first time in an online writing group, and I'm hoping to have a fun (and productive) time.  ;)
- Amnonian

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