Timewaster's Guide Archive

I plan to submit a chapter today. (After getting some sleep that is.)

I might have a chapter ready for tomorrow, depending on how writing goes today.

I appreciate the feedback, even if you haven't read the earlier chapters. If you'd like, I can email you the others.

Thanks for catching the minutes thing. With some of the other characters, who live within an interplanetary community, there is a standard time that might not be the same as the length of time on that world. There, where there might be a difference between the standard time units and planetary time units, it makes sense. But looking back, the Troodons, who only have their own sense of time, he should not use that term.

Those two paragraphs reference conflicts that relate to my other main character that was described by her earlier, and this is building toward an event later in the story.

The throne room was described in detail previously, and I didn't want to be redundant and describe the same thing again.

Darkclaw is aware when the High Lord is reading his mind, so when he has information that the High Lord would want to know, he will go inform him. Also, as a show of respect, he informs him of things and reports to him personally. And yes, the High Lord does explain things a lot, but it's primarily because he alone, as supreme leader, knows what their next move is, among other things. The High Lord is the kind of person (sort of) that likes telling his underlings things, and can go on for a while.

Taking the call is not quite the same thing, since as you said, Darkclaw knows what the call will be about, which is directly related to the High Lord's commands. Though I could change it a bit, make the High Lord know that they have arrived before Darkclaw can answer the call if you think that would work better.

I think I meant to have more by the nod part; I think I meant to have him give the officer command of the bridge, then nod as the officer acknowledges, as an affirmation of what the officer was to do.

I'm not quite sure what you meant by Keeneye questioning orders. The only thing he did was ask if the station was safe. At this point the other Troodons don't know anything about where they are, so it's not questioning an order, rather seeking more information on the situation.

I get what you're saying about Darkclaw's mode of command, but at this point most of what he does is relay information from the High Lord. Also the lack of emotion might lead him to not sound like a typical military officer.

If you catch any obvious spelling errors, feel free to mention them, but I'm not going to dwell too much on errors here and there. Typos are to be expected at this point.

Thanks for the comments. It's not easy to comment on something without having read the earlier chapters, but you managed to give useful feedback regardless of that. I really appreciate it.

This chapter was fun where the last chapter was cool. I'll second cjhuitt's sentiments about the officers getting drunk. It's a good way to calm things down after a tense battle. "Do cows have bacon?" is probably one of the funniest lines I've read in a long time.

The Chell also became more interesting when we learn about Jhuz's old teacher. I'm not sure why, maybe because it makes the more accessible, in a way. That they aren't just mysterious powerful creatures. It also humanizes them, which is good because all we've seen so far is them killing people. (unless there was other stuff going on with them in the chapters I haven't read).

I liked the Dombow. I've always enjoyed seeing technology advance in fantasy settings (gunpowder in Wheel of Time comes to mind). I'm not sure what else there is to say about it, other than that I want to see how it affects the world.

And my marathon continues...

I enjoyed this chapter a lot, particularly because of the introduction of Rince. I really like his character. I feel, given the situation that the army is in, that having someone to lighten tension is a very good thing, both for the characters and for the reader.

And I did remember that Ezlio had killed a fox a few chapters back (it helps to have read a bunch in a row), so I understood why Rince killed the porcupine and eagle, and I liked that he did it, because it showed me that while he brings a little lightheartedness to the  story, he is definitely not a 'comic relief character'.

The only minor issues I had were with the war council and Jhuz so easily agreeing to seal the promotion order, but that's been discussed already.

And thanks for posting a general description of the magic, now I think I understand it all, (and I'm pleased at how much I was able to figure out by reading chapters 7-12 before seeing that).

Only one other question. How do people like the squiddies transport their familiars? If their familiar is an underwater creature, do they need to carry around tanks or something? And wouldn't that be a huge liability in battle?

As I mentioned in my comments on chapter 7, I am backlogging through what I did not have time to comment on at the time it was sent around, and I'd rather go through these before commenting on the newest chapter.

Again, the earliest chapter I read was chapter 7, so whatever I say comes with not knowing what was explained/happened earlier.


While you called this chapter 'one of the boring bits', this chapter was one of those that really helped me gain my footing in the story. I feel like I have a decent sense of the major characters through this chapter, as well as more information on the army's situation. I as well did not find it boring.

I particularly liked the introduction of Ela (as an important player)-I'd assume she was mentioned at some point earlier in the story. That discussion, as well as his discussion about what to do with the unsigned promotion paper, are quickly giving me insight into Jhuz as a character.

And the interaction between him, Ezlio and Zaisha was great to read. I like them already.

Hey all, here's chapter 5. In this chapter, Darkclaw and the Troodons arrive at Selixan Station, a station left by the Saviors, created to rapidly build an army for the Troodons.

And and all feedback/comments are useful and greatly appreciated!



Summaries of previous chapters:
 
Chapter 1: Executor Darkclaw and his species, the Troodons, awaken from millennia of hibernation. Their leader, the all-powerful High Lord, constructs a vessel for them and they leave their home world, to build an army and conquer any and all ‘inferior’ species.
 
Chapter 2: Introduces Grand Admiral Nayasar, the young supreme commander of the Felinaris military, who is also their heir to the throne. She waits with her subordinate and close friend Admiral Felivas for a formal meeting with her father, in which she will propose a plan to exact revenge on those responsible for an attack on the Felinaris homeworld that killed many. When her plan is not accepted, she storms out and Felivas tries to calm her down.
 
Chapter 3: The Troodons, before building their army, are ordered to raid an information station-essentially a giant library- on the edge of Galactic Alliance space to learn what they can about their eventual enemy. Darkclaw sends his subordinate Praetor Keeneye to lead the mission, and watches through a helmet feed. The station is captured without incident, and Darkclaw completes his mission. He relates this to the High Lord, who instructs him to set a course for a hidden station where they will build an army.
 
Chapter 4: Nayasar is overworking herself, and Felivas demands that she take a mental health day.