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Messages - MannyBrainpan

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I am new to RE but this is the topic to post your feedback for my Untitled Fantasy Serial which gets distributed every Monday with everyone's writings. And as to the weird funny/serious mix of the story, its because I am actually basing the whole story off random ideas I got from friends who filled in the answers to a madlib I made.
In case you're wondering, each part is titled but I have no name for the full storyline yet.

The plot summary is: A girl named Vara scrounges to survive, but when she meets an unexpected friend, she sets out to change her world.
             -Manny (

Reading Excuses / Re: Email List + Submission Dates
« on: March 05, 2011, 09:46:34 PM »
I sent a PM to Silk, I think. I didn't get any response so I was just gonna let you know that I'm posting about 400-700 words of a story, on my blog every Tuesday. (I'm sorry, I didn't think to align it with your distribution day), just hoping to get some feedback from some people who like to write and read. I would like to be part of this group but I don't think I have time to read a chapter a week. Honest. If we don't have to hand in our feedback immediately I wouldn't mind being sent stuff.
Here is the link to my blog, the first bit of the story is posted on the home page so just scroll down.

          -Manny ;D

Writing Group / Re: Writing Prompts!
« on: January 02, 2011, 11:31:42 PM »
Leewah, your exercise was great. You maintained a decent distinction of characters even though you never said their names. And the only reason I think it worked was because of the conflic between the two. Although at the beginning, the conflict and setup of the conversation is a bit confusing because it jumps right into the self-conscious writing exercise. Plus, anything with a Lord of the Rings reference is instantaneously better.

SceneTK421, your prompt was good too, I thought. The whole "cadence of my voice" thing was especially funny and quickly establishes what is going on with Jason.

-Manny ( and

Writing Group / Re: Writing Prompts!
« on: December 27, 2010, 05:53:50 AM »
I figured although no one is giving feedback, I did read a few so I will. I read a few dialogue exercises from page 5.

AndreaGS yours is great! Although it became a little confusing here and there, (it was the boy/girl name changes that got me) the concept of the blood that turns into fire is great and could be a good starting point for some seriously fresh world building. And if you are going for a medieval yet understandable sorta feel for your dialogue, cut the contractions.

Dhalagirl, yours is also very good too. In my mind I imagine it as a sort of Tron (even without all of the commercial reminders) techno-ized world. The storyline of obtaining all of these clues that you seem to be setting up would be good for a YA novel, because of the simplicity of it (it seems kinda like a video game info briefing). Although, I have no idea how you will be executing it, so I might be judging to quickly. The only thing was that the dialogue by itself was confusing due to the fact that we didn't know who had which nickname, at first.

Randomaximus, yours was good, especially for being new to writing.  I can see where the whole "I'll give the money away" ego is going and could be interesting. Two things though, it seems that you tried to show that these two guys are average American guys who talk like average Americans. But in dialogue the "dude"s and "man"s are a bit repetitive. Also, I don't know if you intended to explain the whole ghost concept, but in the dialogue it isn't clear. Also, good idea to jump on the MMA craze.

Snuren, yours is also funny and creative. Just like any dialogue, you can get lost between who is speaking, but the silliness of some parts made me forget that it mattered who was speaking.

I hope any of you writers out there will benefit from this- in a creative or motivational sense. And it was good fun reading other un-published writer's works. I'm glad there is a place where we can all promote each other in writing skills. I will definitely be posting more writing prompts from future posts and podcasts.
-Manny ( and

Writing Group / Re: Writing Prompts!
« on: December 18, 2010, 04:51:33 PM »
Howdy, I've been listening to Writing Excuses for a while now, but I've finally decided to hop onto the community behind it. I wrote a dialogue exercise and posted the link on Thursday on Brandon Sanderson's Facebook. I know some people have visited that link but I just wanted to make sure that I was doing this right and posting it in the right place. So, I'm posting the link here too. My exercise is at this address:

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