Timewaster's Guide Archive

I agree with what Chaod said above. It was very telly. My biggest shock, though, was I didn't realize it as I read. Only after looking back over it. I just enjoyed what I was reading. Your writing feels very smooth and it was very interesting to read.

The concept of the kingdom and it's politics is very interesting, but at times I felt it bordered on silly. It never quite got there, but it seemed close at times. Of course, then you had a brutal deaths entence and it got much less silly.

I, too would have liked to have seen the Justiciar demonstrate his prowess on camera, but in a novel there would be other times for this and I can let it pass in the hopes that we would be shown this at various other times.

Overall this was really good. I would love to read more.

I suppose I'm supposed to be indignant or defensive or some such, but I am just laughing. I pretty much agree with your premise, but even if I didn't your delivery was classic. Almost poetic.

As I stated above, I was leaning towards rewriting it, but my wife (as all loving wife's do) made me feel good about myself, apparently too good.

Cynic: I replied with it to your last email. Hope that one went through.

Be harsh. Be gentle. Whatever. Just be helpful.

This is a very raw, 1st draft so I understand there are a lot of things that need adding/deleting. Just wanting to get a little critique on my style/idea.

If i might, I would like to throw my hat into the ring on Monday as well. I have a one scene prologue, 1st draft, that I'd like feedback on to see if I should proceed with the rest of my story.

Ryos let me start by saying I really enjoyed this. I am the reader you spoke of who has no preconceptions because I haven't read any of your other stuff yet.

The opening sparked my interest right away. I really liked the casual hints at the magic system (intriguing) and I thought the flyover was a good way of laying out the setting.

I would have liked to know more about Nmae, however. (And I'm not sure how i feel about her name. Part of me thinks you just typo-ed "Name" and ran with it.) Her chapter seemed to be more about plot and setting, so I'm not sure if she's a main character or not. You hinted that she's searching for someone, well more than hinted I guess, and I am assuming it is Dalrymple. Maybe if you included something about her motivation for her search. It doesn't even have to be detailed, just a hint. Like is she out to kill him? Capture him? Recruit him? Marry him?

I actually enjoyed the brain. The initial conversation had me a little confused as to who was saying what but the dialogue was fun.

It seemed to me that Dalrymple is much more developed in your mind than Nmae. I assume this is because you have written him before? As a new reader who wouldn't know that it just seemed like you liked him more, though.

I really don't have too many negatives. I am looking forward to reading more.

I just got my first submission to read. I think I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl!

Which is odd, because I've never been a schoolgirl.

I've been nearly as excited to read submissions as I have been to write them.